eBay Troll: “Regenerating Haiku”

You already know that I like trolling shady people. Sometimes I write back to email scammers, sometimes I chase after sellers of questionable metaphysical items on eBay. You probably also know that I had a minor fling with haiku. By now you probably figured out where I’m going with this…what?! No! Jesus, that’s not at all where I was going! How could you even think of something like that, you’re disgusting! Where I’m going with this…is […]

Nest Digest: “Stressing over dressing”

We’re back with another installment of Nest Digest. Quick recap for those new to Nest Digest series: Denmark is a quiet place, therefore a mouse finding a piece of cheese is usually considered news of national importance. During the many slow news days I collect front page articles from Denmark’s two free newspapers – MetroXpress and 24Timer. I then bring you this urgent news, because the world must know! Today I only have one headline […]

The totally true story of how I got arrested

That morning I woke up with a sense of purpose, a sort of invisible power that was urging me to do epic deeds. I sat up in my bed and resolutely said out loud, “Today I’m going to get arrested!” Right after I’d uttered those words I heard another voice respond with, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” At first I thought it was my pet horse Waffles, which would have been ridiculous, because […]

Nest Digest: “Fear Edition – Wolves & Math”

Denmark is a quiet and peaceful country. You rarely witness violent crime here. This is excellent news for all residents, but it makes life tricky for newspaper and TV reporters focusing on local events. A good example is a Danish reality show, called Politistationen (“Police Station”). It’s just like the US show Cops, with the minor difference that while Cops usually involves adrenaline-laden car chases and firearm-laden standoffs, Politistationen is about police officers having polite conversations […]

7 ways to fail on a treadmill

Mankind wasn’t born to fly. We were born to do many other things, such as walk, eat, watch poor quality reality TV and make other bad life choices. We were also born to run. Running originally helped us escape dangerous predators and was the fastest means of locomotion available. At some point we decided that running in place without actually propelling ourselves forward sounded like a much better idea (refer to “bad life choices” above). […]