The totally true story of how I went shopping

This was it. I had finally made it! I stood by the entrance to the supermarket for the first time in my life. I was holding a shopping basket, a box of crayons and a taxidermied frog. I knew that only one of those items was likely to prove useful, but I had to be ready for anything. As soon as I walked in I realised I was in way over my head. Purchasable items […]


Search Term Roulette: Spring Edition

Spring is here, and so is your favourite “Search Term Roulette”. This post is continuing a proud tradition of me ridiculing stupid search terms people use to find my blog. You can follow the evolution of this segment, including Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. So this, if my advanced calculations are correct, is Part 5. Enjoy some more crazy search terms people have used to stumble over my blog. 1. Why would a […]


When mannequins attack

Lately I’ve been going on and on about how Denmark is quiet, peaceful and not scary at all in any way. It turns out I was lying. Even in calm old Denmark one isn’t immune from coming across indescribable horrors. I was out in town on Saturday, engaging in regular Saturday activities – loitering, meeting friends, streaking naked through the main streets of Copenhagen while screaming “God save the King!” – you know, the usual. Suddenly, […]


Tarantino Movie Soup: “The Black”

Another week, another competition on Dude Write. This time we’re playing the “Tarantino Movie Soup Game“. You know, the Tarantino Movie Soup Game? You don’t know the Tarantino Movie Soup Game?! Damn, I wish I were given some sort of a rule book for this game, so I could explain how it works. Oh wait, I did get one, here it is: Because I’m so progressive I didn’t make no old school sets of cards, […]


eBay Troll: “Regenerating Haiku”

You already know that I like trolling shady people. Sometimes I write back to email scammers, sometimes I chase after sellers of questionable metaphysical items on eBay. You probably also know that I had a minor fling with haiku. By now you probably figured out where I’m going with this…what?! No! Jesus, that’s not at all where I was going! How could you even think of something like that, you’re disgusting! Where I’m going with this…is […]