Mar 012013
 

Spring is here, and so is your favourite “Search Term Roulette”.

This post is continuing a proud tradition of me ridiculing stupid search terms people use to find my blog.

You can follow the evolution of this segment, including Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. So this, if my advanced calculations are correct, is Part 5.

Enjoy some more crazy search terms people have used to stumble over my blog.

1. Why would a man tell me he is going to send me a sexy text?

To mislead you, obviously. In reality all he wants is to take you out to the movies. Men are sneaky like that!

2. Are you trying to justify to me the fact that you’re an idiot?

Well that was hardly necessary, wasn’t it?

3. Invention for convince children brushing teeth

There is one, it’s called “parenting”.

4. How can you protect yourself from hairspray?

You can’t. Once hairspray is out to get you, it’s all over. I’m so sorry.

5. What time is it acceptable to drill into a neighbour’s wall?

1) When the neighbour explicitly asks you to help him drill his wall.

2) When you’re moving out and will never see him again. Go crazy!

6. Dream selling your soul to a flying elephant

Oh shit, that was a dream? Goddamnit, now I need to go get my soul back. Those damn flying elephants always get you, don’t they?!

7. Can spy’s brush their teeth awesome?

Can they ever! They’re practically required to brush their teeth in an awesome way. They have plaque-blasting acid serums, enamel-polishing lasers, exploding toothbrushes. That last one has a bit of a tragic history though.

8. The guilty chair in question

It knows what it did! It knows!

9. What is yet to be invented gadgets?

Uuuuuhm, let’s see….rocket-propelled marshmallows, snow-powered lawn mower and a Windows 9 tablet. That’s it, I believe.

10. Letter to drill on the wall

“B”…or maybe “K”, if you’re feeling really adventurous

11. I have a thing for guys in glasses

Is it a cleaning wipe? A glasses case? A “four-eye” joke? What is it? The suspense is killing me!

12. What things can you buy to make you magic and give you superpowers?

There are tons, but none of them I’m allowed to speak of legally. Call my friend Bobby, he’ll hook you up!

13. What happens to an object that you spray hairspray on?

It achieves a superior molecular state known as “object + hairspray”. Be very careful.

14: Waldo orgasm

I’m sure it’s out there somewhere, it’s just very hard to find…

15. It’s from the bong

No it’s not, stop lying!

16. Is there any tooth trick with cantaloupe?

It depends. Is there any leg fly with caterpillar? Is there any house scratch with donkey junkie? Are there any pops with the skillet Boogaloo? These are all serious and puzzling questions.

17. Surprisingly

I don’t mean to brag, but I kind of saw it coming.

18. Ass finger husband cosmopolitan

The last entry in the “free association writing” journal of a serial killer.

19. I will try to reply to you shortly

They all say that, but they never do. They NEVER DO!

20. My wall is open for you

Aaaaaw, thanks, but I kind of prefer doors.

21. Wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! Oh man, that was fun! Thanks for that, you’re always great to hang out with!

Leave a comment, get a reply. That's how I roll.

  14 Responses to “Search Term Roulette: Spring Edition”

Comments (13)
  1. What post did you ever do that would make your blog come up with the search term “Ass finger husband cosmopolitan”? This makes me extremely suspicious.

     
  2. Who thinks that way?
    Actually, forget I asked that. You answered and I sat here and read both question and answer! What does that say about me? :(
    Love the flying elephant, though :)

     
  3. My blog is still newish so ive yet to have any off the wall search terms…sigh
    What’s always interesting to me is that not only did someone type these in, but google provided an enticing enough description that they clicked on your link. Hmm

     
    • I don’t know why Google keeps misleading people, but I should start charging serious money for “flying elephant” therapy sessions! Once you get some more terms on your blog, let us know – I’m sure they’ll be plenty of gems hiding there :D Thanks for stopping by!

       
  4. As always, your search term posts are a treat to read. So funny. You outdid yourself with this one: “14: Waldo orgasm—I’m sure it’s out there somewhere, it’s just very hard to find…”

    But what’s with your blog and hairspray? Seems to be a commonly searched phrase for you. Guess there could be worse, though. Like “Ass finger husband cosmopolitan”…

     
    • Waldy…the Internet fetish of the new generation! I’m also surprised that the hairspray article from over a year ago is still one of them most popular ones. Go figure!

       
  5. Reading laugh spit smoothie on keyboard.
    Not a search term. It’s what happened while I read this post. Great starting the day with you, Danny boy.
    That cosmopolitan husband reminds me of my most frequent search term gem: ass fun.

     
    • Ha, oh yeah I recall the good old “ass fun” term – it’s a hit with the Internet crowd, isn’t it? Enjoy the laugh, man…hope “Senseless Confidential” is doing good?

       
  6. I love these search term posts. Thanks for the laugh and I like number 4&6, heck they wuz all funny!

     
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