Spring is here, and so is your favourite “Search Term Roulette”.
This post is continuing a proud tradition of me ridiculing stupid search terms people use to find my blog.
Enjoy some more crazy search terms people have used to stumble over my blog.
1. Why would a man tell me he is going to send me a sexy text?
To mislead you, obviously. In reality all he wants is to take you out to the movies. Men are sneaky like that!
2. Are you trying to justify to me the fact that you’re an idiot?
Well that was hardly necessary, wasn’t it?
3. Invention for convince children brushing teeth
There is one, it’s called “parenting”.
4. How can you protect yourself from hairspray?
You can’t. Once hairspray is out to get you, it’s all over. I’m so sorry.
5. What time is it acceptable to drill into a neighbour’s wall?
1) When the neighbour explicitly asks you to help him drill his wall.
2) When you’re moving out and will never see him again. Go crazy!
6. Dream selling your soul to a flying elephant
Oh shit, that was a dream? Goddamnit, now I need to go get my soul back. Those damn flying elephants always get you, don’t they?!
7. Can spy’s brush their teeth awesome?
Can they ever! They’re practically required to brush their teeth in an awesome way. They have plaque-blasting acid serums, enamel-polishing lasers, exploding toothbrushes. That last one has a bit of a tragic history though.
8. The guilty chair in question
It knows what it did! It knows!
9. What is yet to be invented gadgets?
Uuuuuhm, let’s see….rocket-propelled marshmallows, snow-powered lawn mower and a Windows 9 tablet. That’s it, I believe.
10. Letter to drill on the wall
“B”…or maybe “K”, if you’re feeling really adventurous
11. I have a thing for guys in glasses
Is it a cleaning wipe? A glasses case? A “four-eye” joke? What is it? The suspense is killing me!
12. What things can you buy to make you magic and give you superpowers?
There are tons, but none of them I’m allowed to speak of legally. Call my friend Bobby, he’ll hook you up!
13. What happens to an object that you spray hairspray on?
It achieves a superior molecular state known as “object + hairspray”. Be very careful.
14: Waldo orgasm
I’m sure it’s out there somewhere, it’s just very hard to find…
15. It’s from the bong
No it’s not, stop lying!
16. Is there any tooth trick with cantaloupe?
It depends. Is there any leg fly with caterpillar? Is there any house scratch with donkey junkie? Are there any pops with the skillet Boogaloo? These are all serious and puzzling questions.
I don’t mean to brag, but I kind of saw it coming.
18. Ass finger husband cosmopolitan
The last entry in the “free association writing” journal of a serial killer.
19. I will try to reply to you shortly
They all say that, but they never do. They NEVER DO!
20. My wall is open for you
Aaaaaw, thanks, but I kind of prefer doors.
WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! Oh man, that was fun! Thanks for that, you’re always great to hang out with!