Halloween is upon us!
For some, it means dressing up as Ironman, going trick-or-treating, binge eating bags of candy, and passing out from sugar overdose. For others, it means dressing up as a naughty nurse or sexy fireman, binge drinking bottles of liquor, and passing out from alcohol overdose…
And then there are those who look at all the Ironman, naughty nurse, and sexy fireman costumes and think “Nah, this is way too sane for my taste! I need a way to tell the world that I’m unstable, unpredictable, and likely a future serial killer. But, like, in a fun way!”
That final group is in luck, for today I talk exclusively about Halloween costumes with a solid “WTF” factor. I’m not the first or the last person to comment on bizarre Halloween costumes. I am, however, one of the few to focus on the lucrative Danish market niche.
The atrocities listed below were found by looking exclusively at online stores in Denmark. These Halloween costumes may or may not be available in your country, which should make you either upset or immensely, indescribably relieved. I bet it’s the latter.
19. Work Out
The site describes it as a “sexy fitness costume.” Apparently, “sexy” is code for “having Super Mario’s face forever trapped in your crotch.”
18. Blow-Up Witch
Something tells me you’re gonna need a much bigger broomstick, mam…wait, sir?!
What do you mean by “where’s your Eve”? I’m dressed as Adam! Adam—my eccentric ballet-dancing neighbour with nipple warts.
16. Count Duckula
Finally, a Halloween costume that successfully combines two completely incompatible things: a purple coat and a red bow tie!
15. Jesus Costume
14. Zebra Morphsuit
“Hey guys, what’s up?!”
“OH MY GOD THAT ZEBRA IS TALKING TO US! AAAAAAARGH! SOMEBODY SHOOT IT!”
“Dude, calm down, it’s just my Halloween costume.”
“Wow! Whoa! You totally got me! That costume is so damn lifelike!”
13. Killer B
“Ha! I’m a killer, and I’ve got the letter ‘B’ on me. I’m ‘Killer B.’ ‘Killer Bee’! Get it?! It’s a pun! Hilarious! Ha! Haha! HAHAHAHAHHA! No seriously though, I’ll chop your head right the fuck off, don’t fuck with me!”
It’s a mango…it’s a lemon…it’s Bananawoman—the most nonexistent superhero ever!
11. Morphsuit Orange
It’s either a carrot or a urinary tract infection patient. Or maybe a carrot with urinary tract infection. That’s the beauty of this Halloween costume—it’s so versatile.
10. Top Shelf
Nice rack! No, I mean, nice shelf. Top! Top shelf! Dammit.
This actually gets credit for looking far more terrifying than Count Duckula ever could. Bonus points for using the same red bow tie.
8. Bugs Bunny
OK, this kind of costume works great when it makes you look like Bugs Bunny. It works far worse when you appear to be wearing Bugs Bunny’s skin as a trophy while brandishing his severed head atop of yours with a smug, triumphant expression on your face.
This costume faithfully recreates the look of a standard condom, complete with limbs, red speedos, and a V-neck. Then again, I sincerely doubt this Halloween costume would be improved by making it more realistic.
The costume is aptly named “The Invisible Cat,” because indeed no cat is visible in that picture. The cat, along with all other lifeforms, has been devoured by the humanoid embodiment of the Devil pictured above.
I love how this guy is so in character. This is his absolute best “grumpy cockroach” impression. It’s like he studied cockroaches all his life, so that today he could finally shine. Hats off to you, sir!
At almost every Halloween party, there’s an obnoxious douchebag with a guitar and an idiot in a tacky plant suit. Rarely are these two the same guy.
Dracula in his young, hip, party days and long before his tragic transformation into a duck.
Funnily enough, the cannabis plant is the only one in this picture with enough sense of shame to appear embarrassed by this whole situation.
1. The Well Hung Scotsman
The surprising thing about this Halloween costume is that the penis isn’t a part of it. That poor model has no luck getting any Disney gigs!
It’s 100% organic. It’s totally free. It’s other good things.
Satisfaction guaranteed. Or your money back.