Halloween is upon us!
For some, it means dressing up as Ironman, going trick-or-treating, binge eating bags of candy, and passing out from sugar overdose. For others, it means dressing up as a naughty nurse or sexy fireman, binge drinking bottles of liquor, and passing out from alcohol overdose…
And then there are those who look at all the Ironman, naughty nurse, and sexy fireman costumes and think “Nah, this is way too sane for my taste! I need a way to tell the world that I’m unstable, unpredictable, and likely a future serial killer. But, like, in a fun way!”
That final group is in luck, for today I talk exclusively about Halloween costumes with a solid “WTF” factor. I’m not the first or the last person to comment on bizarre Halloween costumes. I am, however, one of the few to focus on the lucrative Danish market niche.
The atrocities listed below were found by looking exclusively at online stores in Denmark. These Halloween costumes may or may not be available in your country, which should make you either upset or immensely, indescribably relieved. I bet it’s the latter.
19. Work Out
The site describes it as a “sexy fitness costume.” Apparently, “sexy” is code for “having Super Mario’s face forever trapped in your crotch.”
18. Blow-Up Witch
Something tells me you’re gonna need a much bigger broomstick, mam…wait, sir?!
17. Adam
What do you mean by “where’s your Eve”? I’m dressed as Adam! Adam—my eccentric ballet-dancing neighbour with nipple warts.
16. Count Duckula
Finally, a Halloween costume that successfully combines two completely incompatible things: a purple coat and a red bow tie!
15. Jesus Costume
Jesus Christ!
14. Zebra Morphsuit
“Hey guys, what’s up?!”
“OH MY GOD THAT ZEBRA IS TALKING TO US! AAAAAAARGH! SOMEBODY SHOOT IT!”
“Dude, calm down, it’s just my Halloween costume.”
“Wow! Whoa! You totally got me! That costume is so damn lifelike!”
13. Killer B
“Ha! I’m a killer, and I’ve got the letter ‘B’ on me. I’m ‘Killer B.’ ‘Killer Bee’! Get it?! It’s a pun! Hilarious! Ha! Haha! HAHAHAHAHHA! No seriously though, I’ll chop your head right the fuck off, don’t fuck with me!”
12. Bananawoman
It’s a mango…it’s a lemon…it’s Bananawoman—the most nonexistent superhero ever!
11. Morphsuit Orange
It’s either a carrot or a urinary tract infection patient. Or maybe a carrot with urinary tract infection. That’s the beauty of this Halloween costume—it’s so versatile.
10. Top Shelf
Nice rack! No, I mean, nice shelf. Top! Top shelf! Dammit.
9. Penguin Skinsuit
This actually gets credit for looking far more terrifying than Count Duckula ever could. Bonus points for using the same red bow tie.
8. Bugs Bunny
OK, this kind of costume works great when it makes you look like Bugs Bunny. It works far worse when you appear to be wearing Bugs Bunny’s skin as a trophy while brandishing his severed head atop of yours with a smug, triumphant expression on your face.
7. Condom
This costume faithfully recreates the look of a standard condom, complete with limbs, red speedos, and a V-neck. Then again, I sincerely doubt this Halloween costume would be improved by making it more realistic.
6. The Invisible Cat
The costume is aptly named “The Invisible Cat,” because indeed no cat is visible in that picture. The cat, along with all other lifeforms, has been devoured by the humanoid embodiment of the Devil pictured above.
5. Cockroach
I love how this guy is so in character. This is his absolute best “grumpy cockroach” impression. It’s like he studied cockroaches all his life, so that today he could finally shine. Hats off to you, sir!
4. Dancing Flower
At almost every Halloween party, there’s an obnoxious douchebag with a guitar and an idiot in a tacky plant suit. Rarely are these two the same guy.
3. Disco Dracula
Dracula in his young, hip, party days and long before his tragic transformation into a duck.
2. Cannabis
Funnily enough, the cannabis plant is the only one in this picture with enough sense of shame to appear embarrassed by this whole situation.
1. The Well Hung Scotsman
The surprising thing about this Halloween costume is that the penis isn’t a part of it. That poor model has no luck getting any Disney gigs!
Nest Expressed 
Those are truly awful. Except Bugs Bunny. There’s nothing wrong with Bugs!
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True, I also remember Bugs as a decapitation victim whose head was subsequently set atop a human!
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I am highly amused and also weirded out by all the morph suits.
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In that case they may have had the desired effect!
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I got nuthin… speechless…
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There isn’t much to say apart from high pitched screams.
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The companion piece for “Work Out” should be a Bikini Waxer.
This is a DIY guy, but he could easily sell his idea to the Danes.
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Ooops – I didn’t realize that links directly to my FB page. I’m not savvy enough to remove it, can you?
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Done, removed the link. But, funnily enough, I have already covered the “Peter Pan” guy, here:
https://nest-expressed.com/wtf-report-peter-pan/
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Thanks, Daniel. I love that guy!
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Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Especially the last one.
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Exactly!
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I’m going to have nightmares about that penguin. Thanks a lot.
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If I don’t give people nightmares my day isn’t complete. So thanks – mission accomplished!
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That’s the best thing about Halloween, you can dress up as anything your imagination lets you and nobody says a word about it.
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Except bloggers who make it their job to do exactly that 😉
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Wow. The work out one is nasty and the for some reason the cockroach one disgusted me…not because it was a cockroach, but his bare legs creeped me out!
I have to admit, though, I did like the killer B 🙂
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Ha, that’s right – you want your cockroaches to have…cockroachy legs…not bare human ones…well I guess Killer B is one of the less offensive entries on the list 😉
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The Workout costume is hysterical and more than just a little disgusting. LOL
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Amen to that!
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I think Banana-woman and the Well-hung Scotsman would make an excellent couple!
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I think you’re on to something!
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Is Banana Woman’s sworn enemy Cucumber girl?
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They have an ambiguous relationship and sometimes fight crime together.
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Leave it to the Danish, they are so whacky cool. And by whacky cool I mean whacky. I love how you totally overlooked the duck/Dracula combo as being the “two completely incompatible things.”
Well played sir, well played.
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Oh did I?! Hmmmm…I knew there was something obvious I was missing!
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Bananawoman – I had a completely different visual in mind, probably due to that erotic banana eating contest they used to hold at The Button in Ft Lauderdale during spring break.
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That’s why that costume is so disappointing on at least two separate layers!
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I loved this, and your captions are so good. Thanks for the laughs!
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Glad you liked it, enjoy the laughs and have a great weekend!
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You know, Daniel, for the first time in way too many years I’m quite glad I live in England. You’d need a sense of humour enhanced by the use of No.2′ smokable inspiration at the very least to even stand on the same side of the street as someone dressed like that! Don’t even know whether to laugh at them or pity those people.
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Ha, I’m happy to help you reconsider England! As for pity vs. laugh – the answer is “laugh”. Always, always “laugh”! Remember that!
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Does the Count Duckula just look like a recycled Pee Wee Herman suit?
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Indeed it does! Which means it combines not two, but three things, effectively making it 50% more awesome!
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Another great post. I needed that laugh. I am still trying to figure out what’s up with the pubic hair in costume #19. How would you explain what you’re dressed as if someone asked? And the “carrot with urinary tract infection”? Perfect. Must go retweet this.
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As always, happy to entertain! As for the pubic hair costume – your guess is as good as mine. Maybe better, since you’re a medical professional so you can diagnose whatever mental disorder caused this! Thanks for the RT.
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I think I missed the Pubic-Hair Fetish lecture back in school. Picked the wrong day to skip, apparently.
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There’s a lesson for ya – never skip school!
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