In a desperate cry for attention and to encourage more interaction I’ve finally integrated polls and ratings on the blog. This means I’m at your mercy from this day on. You now can give any of my posts 1-star ratings with a click of a button and make me sob hysterically while in foetal position. To help you hurt me in the way I have just described I give you a brief intro to the “rating” system.

At the bottom of every blog post, but above the “share this” buttons (which you should use at all times) you will now see five empty stars, followed by the words “Rate This”. While it may sound like an order, it only partially is. When hovering your mouse pointer over these stars you will notice you’re able to give it any rating from:

 

All the way to:

When you provide a below average rating your IP address is immediately logged and via advanced triangulation techniques and other mumbo jumbo that sounds sophisticated I pinpoint your exact address. A small group of trained monkey assassins in cute yet disturbing ninja-clown costumes is dispatched to your residence, where they hold you and your family hostage. The only way to get rid of their presence is to a) change the rating to something more positive or b) give them bananas. You’ve been duly warned!

Positive ratings, on the other hand, will not dispatch any murderous animals to your house. In fact, for every above average rating given I will postpone unleashing my monkey army on the world by exactly one day. So there you have it, the fate of planet Earth is now in your blog-rating hands. Go out there and give your most favourite and less favourite of the existing posts some ratings.

The second added feature is polls. From now on I will occasionally ask you about stuff that has something to do with the blog, but more often than not I’ll just throw up random thoughts that pop into my whimsical brain and watch you struggle to figure out what it is I want to know. As an experimental test launch of this polling feature, I now bring you the more sane type of a poll you will ever see here:

So there you have it. Vote, comment and rate away, but remember: trained monkeys never sleep and they never surrender. Unless you have bananas, that is.