Guest Expressed: “The Fashionably Challenged Midwest, USA”

Today I have the pleasure to bring you a guest post by fellow Twitterer and a frequent blog visitor – Rachael McGimpsey. She takes a look at some…interesting…fashion trends around Midwest. Enter Rachael:

There is a good reason why the Midwest, U.S.A. is not known for being a fashion center of the world.

Regardless of the mistaken belief that all of the United States is either L.A. or New York, most of the country is made up of small towns and rural areas. Most of the Midwest is not known for its sprawling cities, with a few exceptions like Chicago.

I live in a very small town in Michigan, the population size: not too many. It is not such a small town that you know everybody, but heck, this is the Midwest and we do not like knowing everybody. We have a chip on our shoulders and we like it that way.

Do I look like I care?

THE AVERAGE AND THE NOT SO AVERAGE DEGREES OF FASHION DUMBNESS

I am not the most fashionable person; it is usually jeans, a comfortable clean shirt, and loafers. The clean shirt was not a typo as I am beginning to think that clean shirts are optional for some people.

I think my personal fashion statement can be summed up as “too scared to aspire to anything higher than acceptable”. Unfortunately, the average person, in my town is below the average of the acceptable limit of fashion dumbness.

SWEAT PANTS, STRETCH PANTS, AND PJ’S THEY ARE ALL THE SAME TO US.

Is there no occasion where stretch pants are not welcome?

It took Michiganders decades to stop wearing sweat pants or those oh, so lovely 1980’s invention – stretch pants – to every single social event they attended and it looks like it is going to take a few more decades to convince them that PJ bottoms are not the end all fashion statement.

I have a real pet peeve of seeing anyone wandering around town in PJ bottoms, but for heaven’s sake, if you insist on wearing them in public do not wear the same one’s you had on the night before! And please, oh, please, do not wear fuzzy slippers with them; I can only take so much!

I told you cleanliness is an option with some and so is the degree of shabbiness of the PJ bottoms themselves. I have seen everything from clean and brand spanking new, to ones that are so full of holes it is a wonder they have not disintegrated in the last wash cycle, whenever that was.

Some confused souls even wander around not in the typical and much “cooler” cotton variety, but the shiny satin kind. Topped with a ratty tee shirt this is not a pretty picture.

A GOOD EXAMPLE OF A COUPLE OF BAD EXAMPLES OF THE PJ BOTTOM FAD

To my male readers, life is not fair at times, it is a sad fact that while the women can get away with PJ bottoms with a tank top males can not, sorry.

Men, if you insist on wearing your PJ in public do not under any circumstances pair them with either the already mentioned tank top or a 1980’s (that does creep up a lot in this place) muscle shirt.

Nobody told me the 1980s ended!

BIG BOTTOM LITTLE SHORTS

Short shorts come back every once in awhile, but here in the Midwest they never seem to go away no matter what the current fashion trend or your current degree of physical fitness.

Women, I root for you with all my heart, but although it is a fact that men like to see a pair of long legs in a pair of short shorts, your cellulite rear is not a thing of beauty, life is not fair for us women either. Sometimes, too much of a good thing becomes not such a good thing, I am sorry. I feel your pain, but let the short shorts thing go. Pass the torch and move on.

 JUST SAY NO TO TOO TIGHT CLOTHING AND OTHER BIZARRE CLOTHING CHOICES.

Some of the women in the Midwest have never been taught that if your clothing is so tight you can not walk, bend, breath, laugh, or sneeze that this is not sexy; passing out never is.

Tight jeans on guys are supposed to be sexy, I am told, but jeans that are so tight you can not get the zipper unzipped in time to use the bathroom are never a good idea. Quite a few male Michiganders think the tight jean look is standard county fair attire; usually, but not always, set off by not bothering to wear a shirt.

With older men a popular footwear choice is sandals with socks; mostly worn with plaid Bermuda shorts and a lime green tank top.
With the Bermuda look the hairier one’s arms, legs, and chest are all the better; beer belly optional.

Oh the joys of Michigan in summer! Hey, you forgot your socks!

When she’s not ranting about people’s poor fashion choices, Rachael can be found ranting about other things on Twitter or her blog.

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2 thoughts on “Guest Expressed: “The Fashionably Challenged Midwest, USA”

    • Hehehee very subtle…raeme67? What, the other “raeme67”? Nope, no relation at all! But I do like this post – great fun. Had a colleague from Chicago comment on it (outside of the blog unfortunately) saying that he can relate!

      Like

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