Today John Audrey Jones will walk us through some chuckle-worthy road signs. Enter John:
You wouldn’t ordinarily expect road signs to be amusing, but they do exist, and bizarrely sum up the human race – no matter where you are in the world! Here are just a few of the amusing road signs we have found.
Only in America
Pennsylvania in the USA has some peculiar names for their roads such as “Bear Bottom Drive,” and “Cow Shit Lane”. But things don’t get much better elsewhere around the country with “Crazy Woman Creek,” in Wyoming and “Unexpected Road,” in Virginia. Perhaps it was named by a map maker who didn’t know it was there.
Or how about in Oregon where you will find a road called “Shedd Cemetery Drive”, which has another road sign underneath telling road users “DEAD END.” At least in Oregon you know where you stand, unlike in Canada when you come to the cross roads every man experiences in his life and you have to decide which route to take: “Bangher” or “Leever.”
You don’t need to be educated to write road signs
You would think that if the local councils are going to take the time and expense to put up road signs with the money they have plundered in taxes, they would at least take some pride and care to get it right. But it would seem that road sign writers and decision makers in councils are not that bright. Take the road sign in Essex, England for example that reads:
Kelvedon Hatch Industrial Estate
Secret Nuclear Bunker
Not so secret anymore. The Essex public got their own back however by printing graffiti on a NO ENTRY sign that read: “ARSE,” which if you think about it is a double entendre.
When it comes to bad spelling though you can’t beat the road sign writers in Greensboro, North Carolina, USA who warn drivers there is a “SHCOOL” ahead – obviously one they didn’t attend! Not quite as bad but confusing if you can speak Welsh was a bilingual road sign between Penarth and Cardiff that read: “Cyclists Dismount” and “llid y bledren dymchwelyd” which literally means “upset bladder inflammation.” If cyclists did have an inflamed bladder I don’t think they would need a road sign to tell them to get off their bike.
When road signs are unnecessary
Some road signs point out the obvious like the one in California that says: “State Prison Next Exit. Do not pick up hitchhikers,” or how about: “Caution. Water on road during rain.” But the stating the obvious award has to go to the writers of a road sign in Swamopmund, Namibia which is surrounded by desert, yet they still felt the need to caution drivers in the area: “! SAND.” Don’t worry though, the little grains don’t bite, just aggravates in between your toes.
Not all road signs state the obvious, but some are just as pointless. In Sea Lion Island, part of the Falkland Islands in the Atlantic Ocean for example is a sign that reads: “Slow. Minefield.” I’m confused, how would driving slowly help? You won’t have the same confusion in Midtown, New York however who get straight to the point with “Don’t even think about parking here!” Like there would be any free space anyway.
Still, if you think travelling by road is scary you should thank your lucky stars you are not traveling by rail from London Gatwick airport where the best service they have to offer is: “For a more efficient service please alight at the next stop where a team of heavily drugged sloths will drag you to your next destination.” To be fair, I think it might have been stuck to the window by a disgruntled customer.