In collecting these spam sentences I’ve learned an important lesson about spammers: they never run out of creativity. So many different spam messages out there. The scary implication of this is that somewhere there’s a person who is coming up with all this stuff. A full time spam copywriter, if you will.
I wonder how a job interview for such a position goes?
“OK, you seem to have a decent command of English. You also display a complete lack of morals and respect for fellow human beings. Sounds like you’re our guy! But I have to ask you this: how are you with tacky penis related puns?”
“Let me just say I can’t wait to become a member of your organisation.”
“Thanks! I’m like Charles Dickens of spam writing.”
“Yes, ahem, you may stop now.”
Quick recap for newcomers – all of the below are one-sentence lines from penis enlargement spam landing in my mailbox. They are not altered in any way, as unbelievable as that may be. Let’s go:
10. See Batdude and Throbin get it on as they fight crime and sex together
Thanks, but I think I prefer the more subtle sexual tension between original Batman and Robin.
9. Boobs as big as balloons
From puns to alliteration – you’re making progress! Metaphors for sex are next on the list, I assume?
8. European Union makes decision to import herbal supplements
EU sanctioned enlargement pills? Well, as long as it helps strengthen the euro I’m all for it! And no, “strengthen the euro” is not a euphemism, but you’re welcome to use it in your next email.
7. Progress from love guru to sex magnet
Thanks for acknowledging my already impressive “love guru” status. I’m flattered! Carry on:
6. You know you are a great lover and your girl craves for you every night without fail
Stop it, you’re making me blush! Also, for how long have you been corresponding with my girlfriend?
5. Larger is stronger is better
McDonald’s Quadruple Big Mac – available now!
4. Impress all in the locker room
Haven’t we already been through this in my first post, Little John? Stop projecting your insecurities onto others.
3. Forget the old memories where you pals laughed at you in the locker room, grow larger today
Oh, Little John…you poor bastard…
2. Hear ladies scream in bed
I’m not a big fan of horror movies and this one sounds pretty generic to me so far.
1. Stop wasting time flirting with the ladies, all you need is a huge pecker
I must admit that woodpeckers have their sexy side, but I think I’ll stick to the ladies for now, if you don’t mind.
19/07/2012: Why yes, of course there’s Part Four, right here.