Today’s guest post takes us to Australia – the land of inexplicably odd test questions. Let’s take a look.
Whenever you want to naturalise in a country – this means that you want to become of that nationality – you have to pass a citizenship test. These are held in most countries across the world and are often a real bone of contention because many claim that those who were born and raised in that country wouldn’t even be able to answer those questions. However, so long as you are not one person whose life and livelihood is at stake through one of these tests, the questions can actually be a source of great hilarity. Australians, it seems, have some of the funniest citizenship tests on the market. Let’s have a look at some of the bizarre questions that have been asked. I, personally, wonder what the answers have been as well.
The Australian Citizenship Test and Strange Terminology
Australians are funny people anyway, so it will come as no surprise that they ask some strange questions of people who want to become Australian. Many of these questions are probably just formulated wrong, but some are actual questions that will have most people completely baffled. For instance, do you know what a bloody little beauty is? Also, can you tell whether “chuck a spaz”, “chuck a u-ey” and “chuck a sickie” are related terms? Other questions involve terminology that will only be known by someone who actually is from Down Under. For instance, terms such as “slabs”, “having a slash”, “flashing a brown eye”, “snags”, “tinnies”, “doing your block”, “barney” and “biffo” may sound like they were from a language that is anything other than English.
Is the Australian Citizenship Test all about Learning the Lingo?
The Australians do seem very keen on making sure that new residents don’t just understand the history of Australia, but actually know how to speak “Australian”. Hence, on the citizenship test, people are asked to complete sentences. For instance, complete some of the following:
- Fair suck of the …
- You’re going home in the back of a …
- Fair crack of the …
- If the van’s rockin’ don’t bother …
Australians and Full Essays about Behaviour
Australians aren’t known the world over for their fantastic literary achievements. However, it seems that full essays are needed on citizenship tests. For instance, discuss in no less than 3,000 words what it means to “have had a gutful and no longer can be fagged”.
They also want to know how people behave. Hence, they will ask you if you have ever given or received a wedgie.
Australians and Food
Australians seem to have certain obsessions with food as well. Sometimes, they use these questions to determine what the country of origin of a person taking the test are, although it seems that they could have just asked that. Instead, however, they want to know whether you regularly eat chop suey, chow mein or kay see ming. They also want to know whether you can cook a rissole by listing the ingredients. Furthermore, you have to explain how you would eat a TimTam. Other food related questions include whether or not you have ever eating a chop, a three bean salad and two serves of pav. They also want to know whether you washed this down with someone else’s beer (my guess is that the answer to this question should be “no”).
Australians clearly have certain laws about food, because they want to know which vegetable is required by law when you want to cook a hamburger. As a clue, you are told that the vegetable starts with the letter “b”.
As fun as these questions sound to outsiders, for someone who really wants to be naturalised in Australia, this is serious business. Luckily, if you want St Kitts and Nevis citizenship, you won’t be asked these types of odd questions.
Nest Expressed 
BAHAHAHAHAHAH! as an Aussie these questions are quite simple (basic common knowledge for us down under) my advise is to study! the best thing you could do is spend and arvo having a few bevies at a local suburban pub (not at one of those wanked up ones in the city tho) im sure the locals would be more than happy to educate you in the Aussie lingo plus im sure you have a bloody good laugh
I have attached a section of the actual test to get you started hahahaha
(1) Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin, of the term “died in the arse”? Explain the meaning:
(2) What is a “bloody little beauty”?
(3) Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
(4) Explain the following passage:
In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a Barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a Barney and a bit of biffo.
(5) Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and taking a slash?
(6) Complete the following sentences:
(a) If the van’s rockin’ don’t bother ________________________________
(b) You’re going home in the back of a _____________________________
(c) Fair crack of the ________________________________________
(7) I’ve had a gutful and I can’t be farked. Discuss
(8) Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
(9) Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard “up on blocks”? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
(10) Do you or your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or Kai see Ming?
(11) What are the ingredients in a rissole?
(12) Describe the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
(13) Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
(14) In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else’s beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
(15) When you go to a bring-your-own-meat Barbie can you eat other people’s meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
(16) What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter “b” is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
(17) Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
(18) Is it possible to prang a car while doing circle work?
(19) Who would you like to crack on to?
(20) Who is the most Australian (pick one answer):
(a) Kevin “Bloody” Wilson
(b) John “True Blue” Williamson
(c) Kylie Minogue
(d) Warnie
(21) Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a
pool?
(22) What do the phrases “sinkin piss at a mates joint” and “gettin paraletic” mean?
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Ha, that’s just perfect!
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What can I say? The Aussie citizenship test is as big a joke as their politics and government. Oh and it’s a rip-off, too. You have to kiss $500 goodbye every time you fail. Scam, much? They can kiss my grits.
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Sounds like you’ve had some pretty bad personal experiences with it? Hope you passed in the end?
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nothappyjan? why the all the negativity over something you don’t understand? sounds like you ya need to chillout have a few tinnies, a laugh n get good bloody root! that mite put a smile on ya face
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I don’t know where or how you find this stuff, but Salute! I think I know one, maybe two answers on the “complete the sentence part.” Sentence #4 is “knockin.” Then logically, it seems in sentence #2 that ” you’re going home in the back of a” duh! The same rockin’ van. I could take a stab at the others, but I’m just not. Oh, and I really like the “Crocodile Dundee” movies. That is probably not enough to qualify me for even a week- end visit to Australia, so I’m looking forward to your, “Diaries of Australia” posts. NestExpressed
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@BakedAlaskaInOr Actually most of the guest articles are found on My Blog Guest, a lot of interesting authors there 🙂 As for Australia diaries – yeah, I expect there may be some of that! Lots of writing coming up again!
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Funny read…I still have no idea what the Aussies are about…but, If I could figure out what in the hell they are saying..sounds like a fun group of people.
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@raeme67 Girlfriend and I are actually going on a 5-week trip to Australia in December/January…I’ll keep you posted if I uncover their secrets. Although there’s a good chance I’ll come back sounding completely incoherent to everyone non-Australian!
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@Daniel Nest Sounds like fun-have a great time!
You would have to translate those secrets in to “American” – but if you can not understand me, no worries, I will just pronounce every syllable and keep getting louder until you can.
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