This post is another entry into the Flash Fiction contest at DudeWrite. Last entry was a success, so why not try again? The rules are the same as last time, but with a different prompt, so:
1) The post should be under 500 words
2) The post should start with: “Never one to turn down a dare…”
Let’s go!
Never one to turn down a dare, Sam was already on his fourth brownie of the evening. “Good progress so far,” he thought.
Earlier today he’d taken all the necessary steps to prepare a high quality batch. He scored a whole ounce of the “most bestest” weed from his grammatically challenged buddy Jon. He’d gone to the supermarket and brought home an expensive brownie mix along with the purest sunflower oil he could find. He dug around the kitchen drawers and found a dust-covered frying pan of just the right size.
A great recipe was a mere Google search away – there was no shortage of advice on the Internet. Sam had settled on an article entitled “How to make the perfect weed brownies”, because perfection was obviously very important in this matter. Several hours later Sam had sixteen delicious-looking brownies ready for consumption.
The first three brownies went down fast and without any noticeable effects. Now, in the middle of his fourth, Sam had suddenly gotten an epiphany. “Everything that happens is, like, already in the past!” Sam screamed out loud at nobody in particular, while bolting upwards from his chair. Sam was excited. He chewed through the fifth brownie while considering the implications of his ground-breaking discovery.
He had seven more brownies to go if he were to show David up. As he started on his sixth brownie Sam decided this was going to be a piece of cake. Or…a piece of brownie! Sam burst out laughing. Piece of brownie! Oh man, that was priceless! Hahahaa! Sam was sure that the neighbours could hear his uncontrollable laughter, but he just couldn’t help himself – it was the funniest thing ever.
Several minutes later Sam found himself on the floor of the kitchen, still clutching his stomach. He had calmed down, but was now starving and feeling low on sugar. He needed something sweet right away. As he pulled himself up to a semi-standing position his eyes fell on the plate of six leftover brownies. They looked so good. Sam launched himself at the brownies, devouring two of them in one go and biting viciously into a third one…
…a powerful wave of paranoia hit Sam without any warning. What if David wanted him dead? That way he’d have the flat all to himself! He tricked him into this, didn’t he? Sam couldn’t let that happen. He needed to get to a hospital. Pronto!
***
When David came home he found Sam unconscious on the kitchen floor. It took David only seconds to take in the scene: the plate of brownies, the messy kitchen…and a small transparent bag on the kitchen counter. David smiled. He walked over to Sam and gave him two quick slaps across the face. Sam opened his eyes and sat up abruptly, staring at David with a puzzled expression.
“Dude, I think you may have forgotten something?” said David, holding the unopened bag of weed in front of Sam’s face.
Nest Expressed 
Loved this, dude! Could totally see “Everything that happens is, like, already in the past!” making a ton of sense.
Now tell me, is this really fiction? 🙂
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Thanks man, happy you liked it. Believe it or not, it truly is 100% fiction. As ashamed as I am to admit this in this age of cool kids and lax drug morals – I’ve never done drugs myself. That includes weed. But I’ve seen plenty of movies, read plenty of books and hung out with plenty of high friends to have an idea of the side effects 😉 Although, in this case, it was all in Sam’s head. Weed placebo effect – the healthiest placebo effect there is!
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And now I want brownies! Sweet, delicious, savory sativa brownies!
At least there was plenty of weed left to smoke after eating the fake weed brownies!
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Indeed, we can only hope that David and Sam made good use of them!
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Great twist at the end and hilarious story! I wonder if you can actually trick someone into being high. I’ve seen it performed with non-alcoholic beer, but I wonder if it’ll be the same with weed. Time to experiment. Thanks for the great idea!
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Just don’t go telling anyone where you got the inspiration from! 😉 Thanks, glad you liked the story!
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Something tells me this isn’t fiction. 😉 Great ending Daniel, enjoyed it!
Michael A. Walker
Defying Procrastination
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Thanks Michael, glad you did! You’re right, I did have non-weed brownies…many times. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I really like sweet stuff! 😉
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You’ve inadvertently stumbled upon a conundrum of epic proportions! (or have you?)
Can you truly sate the munchies from weed by eating weed brownies? It is almost Rube Goldberg machine, epic!
WG
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Aaaaah, but can illusionary munchies be fixed by eating illusionary weed brownies?! Whoa man, this is like…trippy! I gotta sit down for a moment.
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Loved it. Brilliant! You’re damn good, man! : )
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Thanks 🙂 Glad you liked it! By the way, I got a Kindle from my girlfriend for our 2 year anniversary. I’ve sent your book to it and you’ll officially be the first author whose book I read in full on the new Kindle 😉
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Great ending. Funny as always. And now I know your secret as to why your blog posts always make me giggle. You’re sending telepathic “special” brownines my way.
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I cannot confirm or deny the existence of alleged telepathic “special” brownies. For further inquiries please contact my lawyer. 😉
Glad you’ve enjoyed it 🙂
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Sugar high -weed high what’s the difference ? I know about the effects of one of them not saying which! ( okay, in case the kids are reading this- it was a sugar high, I swear!) Very funny post!
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Hehehehe yeah, sugar high is serious business! You were brave to admit it like that! 😉
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