12 surprisingly insightful “stupid” celebrity quotes

Everybody always makes fun of celebrities! I find that unfair. Just because some of them are spoiled people with an exaggerated sense of self-entitlement doesn’t mean they’re spoiled people with an exaggerated sense of self-entitlement! Oh, wait, is that exactly what that means? My bad.

My point is: it’s very easy to make fun of celebrities (which is why I do it so often).

They’re always in the spotlight, their lives are scrutinized at all times and people are just waiting for them to slip up and say something stupid.

Now, if only she says something dumb I’ll finally have a good reason to make fun of her!

There are countless blogs and articles listing all sorts of stupid things celebrities have said. What I’ve noticed, however, is that some of these supposedly “stupid” quotes are actually full of hidden meaning. This is why I will not sit idly by as celebrities are made fun of by people who are unable to understand their well-hidden genius. I am here to set the record straight once and for all!

Below you find a list of supposedly stupid quotes by famous people and my defence of said quotes. Enjoy:

1. Britney Spears: “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

Sure, laugh it up, with all your fancy knowledge of geography and ability to read maps! But I bet you didn’t know that all modern humans have most likely originated in Africa, did you?! Well, Britney Spears sure did! All she’s really saying is “we’re all from Africa, but not all of us like fish”. And that, my friend, is a true story.

2. Jessica Simpson: “Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea.'”

Corporations have long mislead us with their false marketing! They know how easy it is for consumers to confuse chicken and fish. Afterall, chicken and tuna are so similar. They both lay eggs, neither one can fly very far and their ability to communicate using words is limited, at best. Companies know they can sell us these interchangeable creatures and we won’t know the difference. Well here’s one woman who isn’t afraid to stand up against this injustice. I salute you, Jessica, enjoy your chicken tuna!

Ladies and gentlemen – the “Tucken”! (Source)

3. Barack Obama: “When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”

People seem to claim this may have something to do with some drugs you allegedly can inhale, which sounds ridiculous in and of itself. Obama is clearly talking about the importance of remembering to breathe, especially when you’re young and tend to forget such things. If you don’t know that breathing constantly is “the point” by now, then how are you still alive?

4. Mitt Romney: “I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was.”

This man has never spoken a lie. Not once in his life has he changed any of his opinions! He is still convinced Santa Claus is real, because he said so when he was four. He’s idealistic to the point of naivety. And you dare mock him?! Shame on you!

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger: “I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

I actually understand how this quote can be misconstrued. That is because very few people know of an obscure and ancient usage of the term “gay”. It’s almost impossible to learn this long-forgotten meaning of the term, but with sufficient research you’ll find out that it used to mean “carefree” or “happy”. Arnold wants every man and woman to have a happy marriage, just like in the good old days. Clever wording, sir, very clever!

Look at how gay this man is! Must be a happy marriage!

6. Paris Hilton: “Wal-mart… Do they, like, make walls there?”

Why yes, actually, yes they do! Take that, haters!

7. Vladimir Putin: “We discussed this very important issue yesterday over a beer.”

Knowing how crucial the issue was, Putin, at a great personal cost, took a day off from vodka and downgraded to beer. Does he get any recognition for this? No…no he doesn’t!

8. Brooke Shields: “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

What’s the problem here? Anyone who claims that the “being alive” part of your life isn’t important is a damn fool!

9. Christina Aguilera: “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

I’m pretty sure there are, like, at least two or three other buildings in Cannes, in addition to Palais des Festivals et des Congrès. Who knows which one of them suddenly decides to host the festival on any given year?

10. Bob Dole: “The Internet is a great way to get on the net.”

I dare you to show me a better way to get on the net than the Internet! Well, I’m waiting. Nothing? Thought so!

This, for example, is a terrible way to get on the net!

11. George W. Bush: “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”

So do I George, so do I. Some may call you and I “dreamers”, but I know that some day we’ll see a brighter future. A future where the fish no longer invade our countries, rape our food and eat our women. A future where Tuckens and humans live side by side, in perfect harmony. Imagine!

12. Dan Quayle: “It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Here Dan is clearly explaining how dangerous it is to use abstract terms such as “pollution” to frame a problem. Take “bullying” for example.   As long as you keep talking about prevention of “bullying”, you’ll never get anywhere. Now, if we focus on that insufferable bully Steven from grade 5B, then we know exactly who deserves a revenge wedgie, don’t we?

I’m with you Dan, let’s give those impurities in our air and water a good wedgie and see how they like it! Who’s with us?!

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39 thoughts on “12 surprisingly insightful “stupid” celebrity quotes

  1. Nobody defends stupid like you can Daniel. I’m impressed by what I’ve learned here today. From now on when a celeb statement seems like pure idiocy, I’ll look for the logic before I laugh. Then I’ll laugh even more. As always, you bring pure genius insight into complete nonsense. :))

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  2. Awesome post. My favorite is the Bob Dole one… for two reasons.

    1) Because it is very true. The internet really IS a great way to get on the net.

    2) Because your picture reminds me of something one of my coworkers told me the other day: What is the difference between a poker dealer and a stagecoach driver? A stagecoach driver only has to look at 2 assholes all day.

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  3. I’m actually surprised that no one has snatched you up as a political spin doctor!
    Here in Canada, we support gay marriage…….cause we’re all carefree and happy.

    Nice post. 🙂

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    • I’m also surprised! I’ve pitched my application to at least 5 money laundering businesses and three drug cartels – NOTHING so far, it’s like I don’t matter! Glad you liked the post, enjoy a carefree and happy day!

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  4. Very funny Daniel. I particularly loved #5. Mostly because I love making fun of Arnold, but also I couldn’t help but read it in Arnold’s voice. 🙂

    Well done my friend!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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  5. I just can’t believe how many Kermit the Frogs had to die for Gaga’s outfit!
    And it’s not like Obama was ahead of his time, my God, Richard Simmons has been reminding us for years!
    Brooke has been a zombie for years so I can’t listen to her. I’m surprised that Joe Biden didn’t make the list with for instance “I promise you the president has a big stick” or his “I’ve known 8 presidents, 3 of them intimately.”

    WG

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    • Hehehee sounds like Joe Biden warrants a post dedicated exclusively to him! I may look into that…

      And yes, let’s all hope that Kermits aren’t an endangered species after that gaga stunt!

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  6. I suppose it’s no great surprise that the bulk of these winning quotes came from Americans. We’re pretty good at shooting off our mouths. Just ask Honey Boo Boo and her family. And if you don’t know who that is, consider yourself lucky. It’s not one of our finer moments…

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    • Well, they also come from American blogs and websites that dominate the Internet when Googling in English and from American celebrities that generally dominate the world celebrity scene, so I guess there’s a bit of unfair bias there 😉 Honey Boo Boo eh? Must. Do. Research 😀

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    • raeme67 says:

      Carrie you mean some Americans, don’t you? I mean some of us know when to shut up. I mean some of us don’t keep babbling on and on and on until we make complete asses of ourselves, no, siree some of us know enough to take a hint and keep our mouths shut. You don’t have to tell us twice, because we took critical thinking classes, we know how to stay on target and not go off on tangents that have nothing to do with the conversation. I mean it is a great country! Government by the people for the people and all that. Freedom and patriotism and all that good stuff. 😉

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