It’s happened again. I’ve been awarded yet another blog award! More accurately – I’ve award awarded yet awarder award award. I have brain issues.

I’m not sure how to feel about these awards. On the one hand, they’re more plentiful than the number of concussions Todd Akin had in his lifetime. Multiple-concussions are the only explanation for why anyone would believe in an invisible army of tiny intelligent robots living inside of women to tell “legitimate rape” from the other type, whatever that is.

On the other hand – a new flowery award! Weeeeee!

Rachael McGimpsey, a fellow blogger, internetterer and a frequent guest poster on this very blog has nominated me for the “Reader Appreciation Award“. How…how did she know I want my readers to appreciate me? That’s just uncanny!

Jokes aside…thank you Rachael! Every award means someone’s thinking about me and my blog, so I can only appreciate that. For more information on my “reverse-appreciation technique” please consult page 34 of Daniel’s Ultimate Book of Life Answers: volume 173.

For those of you who don’t know Rachael…now you do! She runs a funny blog here, a serious blog here, and a Twitter here. She’s well worth your visit and appreciation, so head on over and do some serious appreciating of her blog(s)!

Like most awards, this one comes with a bunch of rules, including questions to answer and bloggers to nominate. Unlike most awards, I will actually play by the book this time. Rachael and I go waaaaay back…to spring of this year. So, you see, I kind of owe it to her.

So here’s what I’ll do. I’ll answer 10 questions Rachael asked. I’ll nominate 5 bloggers, because I simply am running out of bloggers to pass awards to. Then I’ll ask 10 questions of my own to those five bloggers, which they’ll be honour bound to answer.

Answers

1. Why did you start blogging?

Who’s asking?! Oh, you? Well, why did you start blogging? I’m being defensive? Maybe you’re being defensive. I’m glad we had this talk, let’s never fight again.

Incidentally, a serious answer to this question is found in my recent “Fictive Fiction” post.

2. If money was no concern what would you buy for yourself?

Every. Single. Gadget. Ever.

I’m a gadget freak, so if money was no concern I’d check them all out – robots, computer-driven houses, Batmobile. Hell yeah!

I’d get my family some housing and necessities too. Or maybe I’d get my robot-assistant to do it for me.

3. What is one of your current life goals?

To publish a book. What a cliche, right? Since I started blogging I truly realised how much I enjoy the writing process, so yeah – next stop is to publish something. A novel? A collection of short stories? A humorous guide to self-flagellation? Sky’s the limit!

4. If you could have one talent you do not posses, what would that be?

Did you say “talent”? Because I heard “superpower”. I’d pick teleportation. Visiting my family and world travel would be made so much easier. Also, breaking into banks. Mind you, I’d only be able to break into banks, not take anything from them…unless solid gold blocks are also capable of teleporation. So I’d just sit there, surrounded by gold, like a fucking idiot. Shitty plan, now that I think about it.

5. What would you change about the world if you could?

Convert 95% of insane/evil/criminally stupid people into regular folks. I’d leave the 5%, because I need blog material – making fun of sane, intelligent people sucks!

6.How would you spend your time if you had no restraints?

My prison guard mocks me with that very question on a daily basis. God, I hate that guy! But soon he’ll feel my wrath, once my machine gun made of toilet paper and toothpicks is completed!

Serious answer: I’d visit as may countries as I could. I love to travel and lack of time is always a concern. Unless I manage to develop that teleportation skill I was talking about.

7. Where did you grow up?

In eastern Ukrainia,

Born and raised,

In a school yard

Where I spent most of my days…

Short answer: the second largest city in Ukraine – Kharkov. I lived there until I was 15 at which point I moved to Copenhagen, Denmark to infiltrate the capitalist society and make arrangements for the inevitable communist take-over. I fear I’ve said too much. More of this type of nonsense can be read on my “About” page.

8. Who is your favorite music artist and why?

I like too many different music genres and artists to be able to narrow this one down. Rock, hip hop, jazz, alternative, some pop, none of techno, even less of heavy metal.

9. Who, if anyone, is your hero?

My mom. The strongest woman I know. That’s right, you should see her juggle semi-trucks – it’s absolutely insane.

10. Can you dance?

Yes, I can, in that I am physically capable of performing a series of jerky motions in response to music, which could be remotely qualified as “dancing”. Can I dance well? That’s a question you didn’t ask, isn’t it?

Nominations

Last time I nominated a whole bunch of guys from DudeWrite. This time I want to pass the award onto five blogging ladies I recently discovered:

• Ellen at “Defenestrated Feet“. She’s got a quirky sense of humour. She illustrates her stories with pictures, so you won’t even have to read too much text. How awesome is that? Very! Check her out for some guaranteed smiles.
• Kalieta (Colette Ngo Ndjom) at “Kalieta.net”. She writes. She draws. She’s got affiliations with Ukraine, which I assure you have not had any impact on my choice. Colette has lived all over the world, so has many curious experiences to share.
• Kianwi at “Simply She Goes”. Kianwi has three cats, but she’s not a crazy cat lady. She’s a very funny lady with a great writing style. For rare pictures of her cats and not-so-rare funny posts, head on over to her blog.
• Lynn Schneider at “Lynn Schneider Books“. Unlike me and my future plans, Lynn’s already a published author of several books. Read more about her books and her technology woes by visiting her blog.
• Reanna at “Rock The Single Life“. A word of warning: Reanna’s blog is not safe for work, or safe for life. It’s not safe. It’s full of profanity, inappropriate sexual content and other gross things. She’ll shit in your mind and eat your cat. She’s also going to make you laugh your ass off. Then she’ll film it, put a video of your ass falling off on Youtube and make you famous. For your chance to become famous, visit her blog right now.

Questions

This one’s easy – pick your 10 favourite Nest Expressed posts and tell us why they’re your favourite. Go! No? OK fine…but I want answers to all questions!

1. Batman or Superman?
2. What musical artist do you absolutely hate?
3. Who framed Roger Rabbit?
4. You’re forever trapped on a deserted island . For some contrived reason you get to pick two people and an animal to live with you there. Who are they?
5. You can visit and live for a while on any planet in our Solar System. Which one?
6. What do you enjoy most about blogging?
7. Why did chicken cross the road?
8. You can pick any profession or job (including crime-fighting vigilante). What do you pick?
9. Favourite word/phrase/insightful quote?
10. You can watch only one TV show for the rest of your life. Which one?