Today Samantha Wood tells us why car dealers have it so damn hard! Enter Samantha:

When you are buying a new or used car, undoubtedly there are lots of questions you will want to ask the dealer. Depending on how much you know about cars, some of your queries may be fairly basic or they could be so complicated they have the salesman scratching their head.

However, the chances are that whatever you have to say won’t be as crazy, funny or just plain daft as some of the things that dealers have experienced over the years. Here’s a selection of some of the best car dealer tales which have been taken straight from the horse’s mouth!

1) Don’t take things for granted

A customer is looking to get a good price on his old car which is going to be traded in as a part-exchange. To make sure it runs smoothly, the dealer asks for the keys to take it out for a quick spin. The elderly owner hands them over, and is at pains to point out that they expect a good price as the car has a ‘brand-new set of brakes’.

On returning from the test drive, the dealer is looking rather white; apparently the car failed to stop at a set of traffic lights and he was forced to crawl back with absolutely no brakes. When questioned about the apparent discrepancy, the owner didn’t bat an eyelid, just simply pointed to the brand new box of brakes sitting in the back seat, insisting that it does have new brakes, but crucially adding ‘I just haven’t had time to get them fitted…’.

2) Be clear about requirements

A customer is buying a car on finance and is asked to supply proof of income plus five references in order to secure the deal. The individual goes away with the vehicle reserved, and is due to collect it the following day at 5pm subject to the information being supplied.

By 7pm, the customer still hasn’t arrived and the dealer is beginning to wonder whether the sale is a goner, when suddenly the door bursts open. The customer rushes in, full of apologies ad explains that he is late because he had trouble rounding up all of his references – and then couldn’t fit them all in his car. Yes that’s right; he had assumed that he needed to bring the references in person to the dealership rather than just a written statement. The sale eventually went ahead.

3) Make sure the customer knows where everything is

A secondary school teacher approached a Honda car dealer looking for a larger vehicle which would allow him to comfortably carry all of the class supplies, and eventually ended up purchasing a Honda CR-V, an SUV model.

Unfortunately, after just a couple of days, the formerly delighted customer telephoned the dealership, apoplectic with rage because he had suffered a punctured tyre and there had been no spare tyre in the boot.

The dealer apologised profusely and offered to send out emergency services to get the vehicle home, upon which the customer informed him there was no need. He went on to rather angrily inform the dealer than after discovering there was no tyre in the boot he had been forced to use the one hanging on the back of the SUV instead…

4) Tittle tattle

A disgruntled buyer turned up at a car dealership to take a look at a pricey SUV his wife had chosen and taken for a test drive.

The vehicle was fitted with the On-Star technology supplied by General Motors on all of the higher end vehicles. This piece of equipment offers a range of functions from calling emergency services to unlocking the car remotely.

On sitting inside the vehicle, the husband starts randomly pressing the On-Star buttons, asking for a demo of how it works, all the time complaining bitterly about his wife’s lack of comprehension of the value of money. He eventually gets out and takes a cheaper SUV for a test drive. The next day the wife comes back alone to test drive both vehicles.

Whilst out, she happens to start fiddling with the On-Star buttons and what does she hear? A recording of the entire conversation from the previous day…including the vitriol spouted by her husband about her apparent financial complacency. Amongst its functions, On-Star has a microphone and recording facility which had been inadvertently activated the previous day.

The husband very shortly returned to the dealer and paid for the more expensive car without a murmur.

5) Never question the customer’s logic

The final story here revolves around the trend for putting miniature spare tyres onto modern cars, often known as ‘space savers’. Unlike regular tyres, these are only suitable for emergency use and have a capped maximum speed.

Not everyone likes the idea of only having a short-term emergency use tyre in their boot, and this particular customer was the same. After agreeing the terms of his new purchase at the car dealership, he had one extra request: get rid of the space-saver and arrange for a full-size tyre to be provided.

The car salesman was dubious and warned the customer that the spare tyre well may not be large enough, but the man was insistent. Not wanting to lose a customer, the salesman agreed on the proviso that the dealership would not be responsible for fitting the tyre into the car. The customer is very happy with the arrangement.

As he is leaving the dealership, the salesman asks – just out of interest – how he is going to get the tyre into the car. The customer informs the salesman blithely that he will simply let the air out of the tyre and squash it into the space….thereby rendering the spare tyre useless if one of the four on the car gets a puncture!!

So next time you wander down to your local Vauxhall dealer for a look around, bear the above true tales in mind and have some sympathy for the salesman – who know what weird and wonderful encounters he may have already experienced so far that day!

An article by Samantha Wood who has many a story to tell herself and loves a humorous tale!