Guest Expressed: “10 Jokes Dentists Hate”

Today Chris Turberville-Tully returns with another health-related post, this time about everyone’s favourite doctors – dentists! Enter Chris: 

Going to the dentist seems to strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest of souls. Unfortunately for dentists, some people try to mask their trepidation with humor. Most dentists have probably heard more than their fair share of the same jokes over and over again, accompanied by that nervous laugh that gives away the fear behind the brave front. Check out these jokes, and see if you end up laughing or groaning your way through your next dental appointment.

License: Creative Commons (image source

  1. Vampire Teeth – Has every dentist been treated to a mouth full of vampire teeth at least once in their career? While the American Dental Association does not offer any statistics on that fact, there is probably a good chance that most dentists have seen a fake set of fangs at least once or twice.
  2. No One Will Get Hurt – While not exactly a knee-slapping joke, this next example is surely another classic that many dentists have heard. Well, male dentists, that is. In this video a dentist describes the classic “don’t hurt me, I won’t hurt you” joke in which a patient grabs the doctor’s sensitive areas and states, “now, we won’t hurt each other, will we?” The jury is still out on whether this has actually occurred or just something that everyone wishes they could do.
  3. No Novocain – This is the classic dental-inquiry call in which the caller claims to be in need of the lowest-priced tooth pulling service possible. By the time he whittles down to the bare minimum, a simple tooth yanking without the benefit of Novocain or laughing gas, he asks to set up an appointment – for his wife. I wonder what those two were arguing about?
  4. Panama Canal – When it comes to downright silly dentist jokes, some people are just full of them. Try asking the dentist what some other dentist was doing in Panama. If he doesn’t know, calmly inform him that he was looking for a root canal.
  5. Peanuts – Here is another dental classic. A pastor goes to visit an elderly widow in his congregation. While there, he absentmindedly finishes off a bowl of peanuts on her coffee table. As he prepares to leave, the dear old lady thanks him not only for his visit but also for eating her peanuts. She concludes by telling him that since her last visit to the dentist, she can only manage to suck the chocolate off the peanuts.
  6. The Threat – Every dentist hates to hear the words, “Be careful. If you hurt me, I’ll bite you.” Really? After all, you came to the dentist for dental care. How does that transform you into a biting dog?
  7. Feel the Love – Have you ever sat down in the dentist’s chair, leaned back and said, “I hate dentists?” Man, I am feeling the love. Perhaps the dentist should tell his patients he hates them too!
  8. The Drill – If you have a cavity, there is a good chance that the dentist will go for his drill. The next time he excuses himself to get his drill, try this line: “Good grief! Can’t you fill a cavity without a rehearsal?”
  9. Painless – The dentist looks at a new patient, observes his nervousness, and states, “Don’t worry, I am painless.” The patient replies, “I am not.”
  10. A Few Groaners –To finish off the list, we offer a few groaners, the kind of jokes only a person trying to relieve stress would tell.
    1. What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.
    2. What do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth.
    3. What did the dentist do on a roller coaster? He braced himself.

Chris Turberville-Tully works for Ivoclar Vivident UK which provides advanced dental CPD training as well as dental product solutions.

6 thoughts on “Guest Expressed: “10 Jokes Dentists Hate”

  1. I was laughing until I read #5. Then I was laughing and vomiting.

    When my dentist is coming at me with her drill, I like to ask her, “Is it safe?” You’ve had to have seen the movie “Marathon Man” with Dustin Hoffman to get that. She’s seen the movie and she pretends to laugh every time I say it.


    • Those old ladies, such pranksters! The answer to “Is it safe?” can never be positive when you’re in a dentist chair. Not a fan!

      Also, just watched a Youtube clip of Dustin Hoffman being tortured by a creepy fellow who stubbornly keeps asking “Is it safe?”. Thanks for that, I will never get my teeth checked again 😉


  2. raeme67 says:

    I have no jokes to offer, but when I think of the dentist one word comes to mind:”ouch!”
    Is there such a thing as a painless dental visit?
    I like the jokes at the end. I love puns, the sillier the better!


    • Indeed, “ouch” is putting it mildly. Hate dentists! But yeah, puns sort of make it all OK – even the cringe-inducing ones 😉

      By the way, in addition to the “eBay Troll” I expect to have an “eMail Troll” correspondence published on Thursday. Scammers have been really good at responding to my nonsense lately. Stay tuned.


      • raeme67 says:

        Look in eager anticipation to that post! You are very clever with your nonsense! 🙂
        Here is hoping the scammers continue to be as clueless as the people the succeeded in scamming. Keep up the good work of exposing their not so clever nonsense!


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