Yes, it’s that time of the year again.
Time to dig up the weird search terms used by people to (against all odds) find my blog.
Time to share these wonderful pieces of search debris with you and make fun of their dubious nature.
1. What actually happens in Tetris?
What happens in Tetris, stays in Tetris…but I’m guessing it’s something very very naughty.
2. Incoming grenade
3. If a guy wears glasses is he likely to get some sexy females
Absolutely! You have to make sure that they’re Versace glasses though. And that “sexy females” know that they’re Versace glasses. You may also want to invest in a good Armani suit. And a Ferrari. Actually yeah, just get a Ferrari, drop the glasses.
4. “Do you? Don’t you?”
Well…sometimes I do. What, are you my mother, or something?!
5. Did you ever having this problem infomercial
“Did you ever having this problem?! Then our patented Grammar Bot 2.0 is for YOU! Grammar Bot – helps you not sound like an illiterate idiot. Buy now for only $99,99!”
Exactly the reaction you want from a naughty text – someone laughing at you. Thanks for bringing up bad high school memories, asshole!
7. I sent my husband a sexy text he hated it
At least he wasn’t laughing at you!
8. What’s the most you can spend on hairspray?
The maximum amount you can spend on hairspray is widely believed to be 164 dollars and 82 cents. Recently some prominent scholars have challenged this theory, but they are yet to come up with convincing empirical evidence.
9. Is hairspray good for mosquito?
Mosquitoes usually prefer hair gel or hair wax, but hairspray can be used as an emergency alternative. They’re not too picky.
You’re in exactly the right place, buddy. What can I do for you today?
11. Is life cereal dangerous
Did you perhaps mean “live” cereal? In which case: YES! Any cereal that has become self aware will try to exact revenge on all humans for murdering its kind.
12. Can I use a lighter and dry shampoo to make a flamethrower
Wow. Jesus. Dude. With your brand of crazy I’m sure you can make a flamethrower out of a box of matches and the taxidermied corpses of your hapless victims.
13. Let’s have some fun tonight wink face
But I don’t even know you confused smiley.
14. Phrases. 3 people found in to the trash can.
Miranda rights. You have the right to remain silent.
15. In my defense, it was just damn too catchy
True! I also blame Gangnam Style for all of my crimes.
16. Old Asian man licks
The envelope, closes it.
His last haiku – done.
17. Why do I hear drill from neighbour?
1) Your neighbour is currently using a drill and you’re not deaf.
2) Lucifer’s whispers are becoming too loud to ignore. He wants you to do it. Today. RIGHT NOW!
18. Correspondence is one of my girlfriends
Commuting is one of mine. You and I should hang out.
19. Awesome map of Europe?
I know, right?! I’m tired of boring old Latvia, frigid Finland and stale Italy. Why can’t the map of Europe be more awesome?!
20. Perfect text to send man guarantee response
“There’s a Devil in the kitchen and I’m about to boil our dog”. Response guaranteed!
21. New inventin for selve difence
Nife blaid with ottomatic mashin gum!
And here goes, Part 5, or “Spring 2013 edition”.
If you’re interested in any more of this nonsense, check out Part I, Part II and Part III
11 thoughts on “Search Term Roulette: Christmas Edition”
I like the drill one… and your response. Funny! Wish I’d get some funny search terms that I could talk about. Mine are boring.
I’m sure if you did some digging you’d find plenty of crazy search terms on your blog too. There’s no shortage of weird people around 😉 Glad you liked it and thanks for stopping by!
Loving the haiku.
And the flamethrower. That may be because of a life-long affinity to flames. 😀
Well, if you’re so fond of flames and haiku, then how about this:
Take shampoo bottle
Add lighter fluid to it
“A girl responds haha clever to a naughty text”—Who searches for this stuff? Jeez, I must be really boring. As for Mr. Flamethrower and the ‘old Asian man licks’ lover, please keep them out of my town. They sound scary.
Actually it’s probably the same guy searching for those seemingly separate terms…I’m beginning to compile a pretty well rounded profile of him…it’s harrowingly insane.
Sounds like he deserves his own blog post…
Very funny! 🙂 Like number 11 and 20 the best. I wonder what the says about me?
That you’re a well adjusted and collected individual? 😀
That must be it!