Today I have the pleasure to welcome Jeff of Content Unrelated as a guest.
Jeff’s a really funny guy and if you don’t know him…now you do! If you ever need a mood lifter, check out his “Horrorscopes” series.
I sometimes get tired of bitching about stuff that I find annoying, so today I’ll let Jeff do the bitching for me. Enter Jeff:
Let me first get the formalities out of the way. Thanks for the guest spot on Nest-Expressed, Daniel. I hope you enjoyed your blog because having me here could be the beginning of the end.
To Daniel’s readers; if this works out, you’ll probably be seeing more collaborations between the two of us. Buckle up, folks.
That said, let me tell you a little bit about myself:
LIKES:
Mac&Cheese
Death Metal
Naps
DISLIKES:
The Sun
Doing stuff
Stupid, common grammar mistakes
Yeah. I’m one of those people. You know the type. I’m the person whose blood gets a little heated when he sees a they’re instead of a there or a their. It drives me completely batshit to see a your when a sloth with an extra chromosome could clearly see it should’ve been a you’re.
Go ahead, tell me about how you’re going too the store. I dare you.
I’ve killed for less.
Chrome, Google’s Web browser, has this wonderfully handy little feature that underlines in red the words you’ve misspelled as you’re typing. In green, it underlines words that, it believes, you aren’t using properly. For example, if you were to type, “Where did you come form?” it underlines the form, at which point you can right-click, and it’ll tell you, Hey, bro, you used that word improperly. Want me to fix it?
Good Guy Chrome.
Until it totally tried to troll me the other day.
So I was doing my thing and writing angry, pointless things on the Internet. A typical Saturday night. After reviewing my post, I’d noticed something odd. A word I’d clearly used correctly was throwing a green underline by Chrome.
Thinking Chrome was clearly on drugs, I deleted and re-typed. Still underlined. When I right-clicked to see what business Chrome had underlining my shit, it showed me this:
Come on, Google. Don’t screw with me. It’s not a particularly huge deal, it’s only slightly infuriating. I mean, if you’re going to serve my search results to the NSA on a silver platter, the least you could do is not screw with the people who wouldn’t actually know any better.
Now, I comb through this post to find any errors, lest I make a complete ass of myself making a stupid mistake after spending an entire post bitching about them.
Nest Expressed 
well, this amused me. although, you may want to kill me because i really don’t like using caps when i comment, or email or text. i guess, i’m lazy, but i really can’t be bothered. i’m afraid to ask what death metal is. now, you really want to kill me, right? 😉
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Ha, let’s see what Jeff does when he finds out. I’ll try to cover for you, but I make no promises. He is crazy, that guy!
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I’m terrified of writing a comment after that pithy and informative rant on grammatical errors. But I’ll do it because I like Daniel and he obviously sees value in having a guest make me really nervous.
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Don’t be nervous! Mistakes are okay (unless they’re stupid ones).
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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I thoroughly enjoyed your guest post Jeff! You and Daniel make a great guest posting team. Hope to see more of both of you.
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That’s right. I run a “management by fear” blog and if my readers aren’t terrified, I’m not doing my job!
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This was a most intrusting article and it maybe your write about all that grammer usage. Its a shame more people doesn’t take the time to understand all those rules. Anyways; I am wondering to who have you written this article two?
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I agrees. The article was to funny. I hating when people not use of grammar, its horrible. Hopefully the article will helped alot of people.
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Of course were not those peoples needing the help.Whomever, it may help to others be.
It was terrible funny. I also was laughing.
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So, I was at Petco the other day trying to get my annoying cat a collar so I can throw her out with the dogs and not feel guilty. (She has a habit of biting my nipples when I’m trying to sleep, so you can understand my pain here.)
Then I saw this dumbass bumper sticker that was grammatically incorrect. So, of course, being the English major (Well, Creative Writing. Yeah, there’s a difference.) that I am, I obviously brought it up.
And the stupid cashier was all pissy at me for caring and I was like WHAT THE FUCK. That’s not acceptable. And he didn’t really care. He was all, “I don’t write the bumper stickers.” And I was all, “Yeah, but you sell them to people, therefore partaking in singlehandedly lowering the intelligence of humanity!”
He still didn’t give a shit.
I stormed out.
Not that he cared.
Or batted an eyelash.
And my stupid cat got stuck in the neighbors’ yard, so I can’t let her out anymore.
SIGH
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Beautiful and tearful story of drama, tension, perseverance and indifference. You should write novels! Fight the power!
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haha
Gee thanks!
In all seriousness…
I do write novels.
:p
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See? I could tell! Now you just have to find a way to incorporate the “grammar gone bad” plot into a book and we’re looking at the next bestseller for sure!
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Dude your cat’s a perv, what with trying to nibble the nips. I’d throw that little asshole across the room.
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“I’ve killed for less.”
HAHAHA!
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The best is when someone invests time and money on an advertisement or a brochure, only to find a grammar mistake or typo in it later. Like the high school last year that printed all their graduates’ diplomas with ‘Pubic High School’ instead of ‘Public High School.’ Oops.
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Ha, classic! I was going to mention an example with “Sneak Peak” instead of “Sneak Peek”…but nothing can beat Pubic High Schools – they’re the best!
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Yes, my sons loved that news story. No surprise there.
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I was watching TV one night when a commercial came on for a local car dealership. They had great deals on the “Hyundai Tuscon.” I facepalmed myself into a two-day coma.
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Haha. At least you got some good rest out of the gaffe.
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I’m completely with you on this, but I find myself taking shortcuts when I send text messages, so yes I commit the sin of your for you’re often in those. Maybe when I get a smartphone (yes I’m very behind on this) it will be smart enough to help me out in this regard 🙂 Great post!
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Yeah texting is a world of its own. Shortcuts, emoticons, weird symbols – anything goes! I should start Tweeting like I’d SMS…see how long it takes me to lose all followers.
OMG 4real, yolo!
Glad you liked Jeff’s post – visit his blog for more greatness.
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Oh, and also, you’re the man. Thank you very much for the guest spot. Looking forward to you stopping by with your stuff, too!
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Not at all, sir. Thanks for the post. The favour shall be returned – that is a threat.
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Holy crap I forgot this was going up today! It always slips my mind that you’re on the other side of the globe, so your tomorrow is my today.
You’re in the future, Daniel! Send me the lottery numbers!
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There is no lottery here in the future. The only lottery we have is of the “who will last one more day against our robot overlords” variety.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have me some Terminators to…terminate.
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Oh you forgot the absolutely infuriating using of THEN when doing a comparison. You know this is better THAN that… where the brainiacs use the word then. I’ve heard that this new Common Core education standards kids won’t learn how to spell or English grammar at all. Instead they’ll learn how to use spell check and grammar check. Everyone will like it a lot, NOT
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AAAKKK that os should have been of …. where’s spell check when you need it?
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Ha, let me fix it up for you!
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Well hey, if they can AT LEAST use the already existing grammar checks they’d be well on the way. I think some people treat the squiggly green and red lines as pure decoration – “oooh, this word is red? pretty!”.
And yeah, the “then” vs “than” is way too common! Thanks for dropping by.
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