Lyuba: my secret email love

This post is a confession.

I’ve been married for less than a month, but I am already exchanging secret emails with a new love in my life: Lyuba.

Lyuba is from a place called either Saratov or Stavropol, which may or may not be in Russia. Lyuba is a woman, probably. We have only exchanged a few emails so far, but I do hope there are many more to come.

I am not proud of it, which is why I am coming clean with this post. Maybe reading the correspondence will make you understand just why I am so infatuated with Lyuba. Maybe it will help you forgive me. In any case, what follows is our unaltered email exchange. Please don’t judge me.

_____________________________________________

Lyuba, 29-08-2013

Good morning Daniel , as the mood? I hope you’re with a smile reading this letter.

I want to find a life partner who would be next to me. A man who will give me all your love, care and affection.

I live in the city of Stavropol ‘. In the European part of Russia. I am not afraid of the distance between us. Because I know that a lot of Russian arrives in your country.

In the future, we could have a meeting. I’ll be waiting for your reply to my e-mail address sent you a photo, I hope you got them? What hobbies have in your life?

I hope that you will write to me today … I was glad to talk a little bit about me.

All the best,
Lyuba

[I’m not posting the photo out of concern for the privacy of a woman who may very well be unaware that her photo has been used]


Daniel, 31-08-2013

Lyuba!

My ears are burning with the heat of a thousand broken lava lamps!

Your face…it is so round. Your eyes…you have two of them.

Heaven must be missing an angel because one of them is around you 24/7 protecting your face from smashing into things, thereby preserving its symmetry. I am at a loss for words. Clearly.

You ask of my hobbies? I have plenty: extreme couponing, bubble wrap popping, and salsa – especially with Nacho chips.

Please, dear Lyuba, tell me more about this magical land called Russia and of your life in its inhospitable jungles.

Awaiting your sincere response,
Daniel

 

Daniel, 02-09-2013

Dear Lyuba,

Two days go by. No response?

I await your reply as I await the coming of the alien invasion.

Yours,
Daniel

 

Lyuba, 03-09-2013

Good evening,

Wow, I’m glad to receive your letter. I am very pleased that you did not leave my letter unanswered. I have not written to you for a long time!

Thank you very much for your attention, I hope that our communication will be developed on and we continue to learn more about us.

I think you will be interested to know the new me. As you already you know, I live in Saratov, Russia. It is very cozy and beautiful city that has given me a lot in life.

Tell me some more about the place where you live? In Saratov I was born, graduated from high school and got a degree in economics education profession manager.

I know much English, and Italian. My plan is to learn Spanish and French. And I think it will be easy to understand us. Sometimes, however, I use a translator google.

I now work in the company, manager sales sanitary ware and ceramic tiles. I have a lot of time to work, and by the 29 years, I realize that I must think about starting a family.

While I have not been able to I find the right person. So I decided to look on the internet possibly a man with whom I could create serious relationship. And maybe in the future, it turned into a solid reliable couple – a family!

What are you looking for?

Since childhood, my parents raised me as a decent and honest man. I always showed respect for their elders and take care of the people close to me! From an early age, I went to the school dance. So even now, I have a beautiful shape and appearance. And every day, I usually have morning run. I think you can see it in my photos.

And as you care about your health? I would love to see more of your pictures.

I have worked very hard all year to make a gift, and to go abroad. But the most important was my dream find someone I care. And perhaps our acquaintance was not coincidence. And I’d like you to tell more about you.

I very much hope that you will be the man of whom I will be fun and easy! And maybe in the future we can have a meeting. My visit to you, it would be a good opportunity for us to meet, more familiar and develop relationships.

I very much hope that in the future we will use this chance. Time will tell! While too early to talk about it!

I will end on this my letter and I want to wish you a good day and great mood. I hope tomorrow to get a response from you letter.

With kind regards,
Lyuba

 

Daniel, 05-09-2013

Lyuba!

If I was a poet I would compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey, but I am not, so I shall compare you to foam from a beer on the table. I like it!

You confuse me, Lyuba. You tell me before your city is Stavropol. Now you say Saratov. Forgive me, my Russian geography is meek. I assume Saratov is the capital of Stavropol. Is this correct? Or maybe Stavropol is a fake city you made up to play a game. I like! It sounds like “Interpol”.

You are 29? Oh my, I would not give you a day over 28 years and 10 months. Amazing!

Lyuba, I am troubled by a thing you said. I must be open and utterly honest with you, the way you have clearly been with me. You said you were raised to be a “decent and honest man”. Did you have surgery?

Lyuba, I do not judge. If you are no longer a man it is all perestroika and rainbows with me! But if you are a man still, I am afraid we may not work. I am not into men. I have experimented briefly in high school, but the experience left both myself and the statue of Ronald McDonald greatly troubled and unsatisfied. No more!

Like you, I study languages. I want to speak to as many people in the world as possible. This is why I recently learned Hmong, Konkani, and Klingon. Qapla’!

Also like you, I every day have morning run…for my bus, because that bastard always wants to drive away before I get there.

For sure we can meet together in my country, Lyuba. It is how people get to see each other in person. By meeting.

Please, do not keep me waiting Lyuba. Much is at stake. The fate of the world depends on us. We will not fail.

Cautiously hopeful,
Daniel

You can find more of our correspondence right here.

***

There Is MoreThis isn’t the first time I troll online scammers. There are more here:

My correspondence with a scammer

eBay Troll: “Reconnective Healing”

eBay Troll: “Regenerating Haiku”

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35 thoughts on “Lyuba: my secret email love

  1. I think it’s time to start asking Lubya the important question… Would she prefer paper or sand on the floor of her marriage cage? Will she bring her younger sisters and daughters to meet you too? How many square indents are there in a perfect waffle?

    Like

  2. raeme67 says:

    Lyuba seems a little confused. Are you sure you want to risk your marriage for the love of this man/woman or whatever the hell it is?
    P.S. I now need therapy, because I can’t get that image of you and Ronald out of my head. I am sending you the bill.

    Like

  3. Oddly, whenever I look at my blogstats page, I have almost as many views from Russia as from the US. I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because Boxing is big in Russia. Please ask your new Russian sister-wife and get back to me.

    Like

  4. I hope she/he writes again. Love this line: “If you are no longer a man it is all perestroika and rainbows with me!” But I admit the image of you with the Ronald McDonald statue left me a little troubled. Just a little. I’m not judging.

    Like

  5. a) That was pretty funny and b) I don’t get on-line scammers like this. Are there seriously guys out there that are like, “YES! I am all about sending this woman $1000’s to get a pretend plane ticket!”? Is the scammer approaching this thinking that while 99% of men won’t fall for this 1% will so if they email 1000 men they’ve got a nice business model? Or is there another more enigmatic sinister game afoot?

    Like

    • Scammer? What do you mean? Lyuba can’t be a scammer, she’s learning Italian after all!

      On a serious note, that’s exactly what keeps these scammers in business – the 1% of people who are gullible enough to justify that business model.

      Like

    • Well my wife was obviously very upset at first, but when she heard that Lyuba speaks Italian she said “Italian? Well, I can’t compete with that, can I=”. And she’s right!

      Like

  6. Hey you put up a ‘like’ button. Yay!

    You forgot to ask Lyuba a very important question: if she (he?) was allergic to cats. Language barriers, Y-chromosome barriers, geography barriers…those can all be dealt with. But if she (he) can’t handle Pebbles and Django, then it’s a definite no go.

    Like

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