WTF Report: “Fart-wear”

This isn’t about wearing farts. Don’t be silly. Silly face.

No, it’s about an ingenious solution to mankind’s most pressing issue: public farts.

Do you know what the worst thing about farting in public is? Other than “everything”?

The answer is “the smell”.

Think about it. Sound? You can pull a silent one or blame a squeaky chair. Your dignity? If you’re farting in public you probably care very little about it. The smell, though?  The smell lingers. It etches itself into people’s noses and their subconscious. They will remember it. Forever. Along with the culprit: you!

So how do we solve this smell situation? By simply not farting in public? Nonsense! By wearing fart-absorbing underwear, that’s how! Behold:

Well, that’s an anticlimactic picture. They look just like regular boxer briefs. But, if the article is to be believed, they’re magical. Because we live in a world where an item of clothing that hides our farts is automatically worthy of the “magical” label.

They’re made of material that absorbs bad smell and makes your farts 73% less embarrassing. And ladies, don’t worry – you haven’t been forgotten. For all your fart-suppression needs, I bring you:

The underwear is called “Shreddies”, because it…shreds farts? I’m not sure. Fun fact: Shreddies is also a cereal brand, so stay tuned for awkward misunderstandings happening at a grocery store near you!

If you need a person to blame for introducing you to these flatulence-obliterating undergarments, don’t blame me! Blame Carrie Rubin for introducing them to me on Twitter.

Speaking of which, if you also come across something worthy of a “WTF Report” – video, picture, book, website, your neighbour – send me an anonymous tip, or even a non-anonymous one. What’s a synonym for “non-anonymous”? And why is that combination of syllables so funny? And why can’t you stop saying them to yourself now?

Anyways, I’m always open to candidates for “WTF Report”, so keep an eye out!

20 thoughts on “WTF Report: “Fart-wear”

  1. Fart dampening undies. Yep- I’ve officially seen it all.

    I’ll keep you posted if I come a across a WTF report. I live in Southern Appalachia… we have WTF happenings on a daily basis. It’s part of the charm of living here.

    In a few days, I’ll be posting a picture of myself from 20 years ago. It might qualify as a WTF…. Stay tuned!


  2. raeme67 says:

    And so I am once in my life speechless, soon it will be “smell-less” as I have ordered a hundred pair of the undies. I laughed out loud at this one!


  3. I knew you’d do this product justice, and you did. You can interpret that anyway you’d like… 😉

    Very funny as always. I still can’t believe this product exists. Or that it shares the same name as a cereal. Then again, high fiber and flatulence go together like milk and cookies.

    Keeping in line with this topic, here’s something else for your odoriferous pleasure: Can you tell I have teenage sons?

    (Thanks for the mention!)


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