I’ve had a lot of guest posters on this blog.
A few of them have been people I knew and wanted to exchange guest posts with.
The majority, however, have been content marketers, who were interested in getting links to their company, campaign, or smuggling ring.
That’s perfectly fine. I know how the game works. You give me a funny post for my audience, I give you some links back to whatever it is you’re promoting (unless it’s porn or instructional videos on how to boil cats).
I get it. In fact, I have a “Be My Guest” page right there in the top menu, specifically for this type of exchange.
There are two ways you can approach me about becoming a guest and getting some links to your blog or website. Both are entirely acceptable.
1) You write me a personal message that shows you’ve read the blog. You suggest a topic that works for Nest Expressed, I publish it and we both do a happy dance on top of a mountain at sunset. I pick the location.
2) You tell me you’re a marketer interested in promoting your stuff on people’s blogs and ask what it takes to be featured on mine. It’s a common SEO strategy and I have no problems with it.
What I do take issue with is dishonest bullshit like this (real email, received yesterday):
Hope you’re doing well!
I’m Andrea Jayson and am an avid reader and blogger, a passion which I think we share.
Your blog “nest-expressed.com” is by far the most interesting I have come across in the recent past, hands down!
The writer in me is yearning to write a piece for your blog, maybe around 400-500 words, or whatever you are okay with. In return I expect one clean back link to my website.
Awaiting your reply.
Thanks for the cookie-cutter copy-paste query, Andrea. It must have taken you a lot of effort to insert “nest-expressed.com” into the [name of site] spot in your ready-made template. Maybe if you didn’t add the generic “most interesting I have come across in the recent past, hands down” line I’d have actually considered you. Instead you sound like my comment spam.
I’m a fair man, so I wanted to give Andrea a way to work around her shitty approach. Here’s what I wrote:
Which post was your favourite? The one about fictional robot goblins? I really like that one myself!
Andrea now had the opportunity to actually open my blog, pick any random short post, skim it and tell me she liked my writing about fart-blocking underwear and creepy dolls. Instead, this was her response:
Shall I Send you the topic for which I want to write the article.
No, Andrea. That is not what you shall do. You shall read the words that are contained within my email. They are not encrypted. My response:
You didn’t like my robots post? I liked that one!
What did you find the most interesting about my blog, to make you so enthusiastic about it? If it’s not robot goblins, then what?
That’s your second freaking chance to make an effort, Andrea. Pick one post, make me believe that you give a shit. But Andrea wrote this:
I have read that post, It is nice.
That’s funny, seeing how I haven’t ever written a post about robot goblins. Side note: I should really write a post about robot goblins.
Well done, Andrea. You went from template lies to custom-tailored lies. All because you’re too lazy to actually visit the blog. My final email to Andrea read:
Awesome! Which part of these three was your favourite:
1) The one where I talk about their wacky mutation
2) Where goblins fight space lizards
3) The part where Danny DeVito appears and pretends to be an alien.
The third one is my personal favourite, but I like to know what my readers enjoy.
Maybe we can work together indeed!
Sadly, Andrea didn’t respond. Maybe she finally understood that I was mocking her and learned the error of her ways. More likely, she figured our correspondence took more time and energy than she was willing to expend. After all, you can spam dozens of people in the time it takes to write a proper email.
Is there a moral to that story?
Yes: don’t fucking lie! If you do, don’t continue to lie when you’re called out.
I don’t care if you don’t read my blog and only want links based on its page rank, or whatever. If you can deliver a funny post, I consider it a fair exchange. But if you write fake, see-through stuff like “your blog is amazing and I love everything about it”, prepare to back that up or, even better, cut that shit out. Otherwise you’re being an unprofessional asshole and wasting everyone’s time.
Don’t be an asshole, please.
23 thoughts on “Want links? Make an effort!”
Andrea’s a fraud. Robot goblins are totally NOT nice.
For the record, your blog is amazing and I love everything about it (‘specially since you moved the “Follow Me” harraser over to the right).
Yeah I found out the “Follow Me” thing was showing up on mobile devices (even though it was set not to), so I wanted people to be able to read it anyways.
Some robot goblins are quite nice, actually. Don’t be so judgmental!
Bravo, Daniel! Nothing gets past you.
I’m sharp as a Gillette MACH3 razor!
I think your blog is the best effort being made on a blog anywhere, honest. At any rate, it is one of the funniest and I counted it a privilege to have been one of your “guests”
That compliment was, hands down, a compliment!
You can remove the quotation marks around “guest”, for you were one of the guests of honour indeed!
Thank you, it was my privilege. 🙂
I want to read the post on fictional robot goblins wearing those pants. 😀
Now it seems I’ll HAVE to write it, due on popular(ish) demand!
Cool! I’m really hoping it’s a true one too. No pressure. 😉
I’m your biggest fan ever. Your [insert blog name] is my favorite, hands down [or insert latest catch phrase], that I’ve seen in a long time.
I’ve read that goblin post. It was, feet up, the best Halloween themed post I’ve read in, like forever [insert never]. In fact, all of your holiday themed posts have inspired me. That was a Halloween themed post, right? [insert LOL for friendly factor]
My goal is to one day present you with a guest post. I just need to make it Daniel quality so you won’t need to turn me down. In fact, I would love to have you guest post on my blog. My stats aren’t spectacular (insert dismal) on my Pamo blog… but you know I’d market it for readers.
No pressure! I’ll continue to be a Nest Expressed blog stalker!
Was that tacky of me? Hope not! 🙂
It was the [insert adjective] [insert noun] to [insert verb] I have [insert adverb] seen!
I have no idea what I’m talking about.
You would always be welcome to write up a guest post, even with comics/pictures if you’d like! But no upwards-pointing feet! OK maybe one.
And for sure, if I think up something for yours I may just take you up on your generous offer.
Thanks Daniel for always being so gracious and funny. Have a great weekend!
Please, please, please write a post about robot goblins! And if you are really into reader feedback, I’d say the second part, “Where goblins fight space lizards”, would be the one most appropriate for a thorough, thoughtful analysis. (I’ll even give you a hint: anything with the word “space” in the name wins.)
I am not sure what you have against Danny DeVito, but I don’t think he deserves to be overlooked like that!
How about a space opera about Danny DeVito turning into a robot goblin and THEN fighting lizards? Everybody wins!
Welcome and thanks for stopping by!
“I have read that post, It is nice.”—Haha, I think I’ll start using that as my standard comment for blog posts. It’s so sincere. Though give “Andrea” some props–you do indeed have a great blog!
By the way, I have read that post, It is nice…
Ha. I read your comment. I like it. Hands down the best comment.
Your response sounds so sincere, you could be the next Andrea. For all we know, maybe you ARE Andrea…
I won’t confirm it…but you won’t hear me denying it, either.
Already on your email list…looked up the fart undies….whoo they are expensive…guess folks will just have to learn to enjoy Los lady farts. Speaking of spammers you should check out http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com he has a really funny way of dealing with them that I think you will appreciate.
Expensive, but worth it! I..assume, that is.
Yeah I’ve seen some stuff from the ebolamonkeyman, hilarious!
Thanks for the visit, as always, and for being on the list!