Comment Spam Roulette: Huge Lad Edition

This is fast becoming a tradition, just like the “search term roulette“.

My Akismet plugin captures a bunch of comment spam people attempt to pass off as real comments. Then I share some select spam comments with you, my beloved audience.

Unfortunately, because Akismet blocks these comments, they are often incomplete, but they’re still entertaining.

1. The aged Mrs Kurt Cobain stated to Women’s arranged on each and every sole day time that her existence transformed while she was supplied the location purse 6 weeks before.

No wonder! Everybody loves the “location purse”. If I were supplied a location purse I’d be transformed too. If I ever got lost I’d be all like “Hey, location purse, what’s my location?” And then it would tell me. And then I’d know. Location purses are so handy.

2. The facts talked about in the article are some of the top obtainable.

Yup, I don’t settle for any of those lousy “low hanging facts”. I have a network of spies looking for the top obtainable facts on a daily basis, so that I can bring you jokes with the word “fuck” in them.

3. Superior Early morning, I just stopped in to visit your web site and assumed I’d say I experienced myself.

To be quite honest, this morning was mediocre at best. But I do love it when people experience themselves on my blog, so you’re welcome!

4. Thank you, this is the worst thing I’ve read.

You’re welc…what?! Man, now you hurt my feelings.

5. r u certain that is definitely true?

now u ask i think maybe not, lol.

6. I have study not a single post in your blog. You are a huge lad.

I’ve always thought of myself as a modestly sized lad. Is it my massive frame that prevented you from studying posts on my blog? I can try and move a bit.

7. The post is written in very a good manner and it entails much useful information for me. If you’re looking for discount baby diaper bags, you can’t find a better Hermes Birkin Bag Price bargain than a unique backpack style bag that gives parents se…

I was actually getting interested in this backpack style baby diaper bag, when your spiel abruptly cut off. I could picture myself running around the city with my backpack diaper bag, offering it to hapless parents in need, like a very practical superhero. Alas.

8. I think he laid out an elaborate technique of scheming and discussed the distress that awaited us.

Then he snuck inside your office while you were on a lunch break and spit in your Starbucks coffee. I know that guy. He’s the worst.

9. You are so awesome! I really don’t feel I have go through everything like this ahead of. So great to discover someone with some unique ideas on this topic. Many thanks for commencing this up.

You probably can’t see it, but I’m blushing on the inside. You get me. I really like commencing up some good old unique ideas about topics.

10. Study it, liked it, thanks for it.

That’s the slogan used for the grand opening of the “New Jersey School of Confused Tenses”! Stop plagiarizing!

11. You are my role designs. Thank you for that write-up.

Does that mean that you, too, are a huge lad?

12. I’ve a couple of question to you personally, write to people I don’t e-mail.

Sure, give me the list of people you don’t email and I’ll write to every single one of them with answers to your questions. I have plenty of time.

13. Say “thanks” you to your parents which they gave you the planet.

Holy shit, really? My mom never mentioned this. How humble of her. Although I kind of suspected she had a lot to do with the creation of the Earth. You should see her solve crossword puzzles – she kills it!

14. Good post. My spouse and I learn some thing more challenging on different websites everyday. It will usually be rousing to read content material business writers and practice some thing from their store. I’d prefer to use some using the content on my…

Hold on a second. You and your spouse read stuff written by business writers and then practice some things from their store? Your sex life is either terrible or amazing. Either way, I’m happy I could help out!

15. Your style is truly unique compared to other folks I have read things from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this weblog….

While you’re at it bookmark the year 1998, which is  when we stopped using the term “weblog”.

16. It’s an remarkable paragraph in favor of all the web people; they will take advantage from it I am sure….

I am generally the champion of all web people. It is about damn time we stopped seeing web people as inferior and began to realise how similar we actually are! Some of my best friends are web people, by the way.

17. I’ve a local community venture as properly as Bing has 4 numerous entries for it, all of which are inclined to be improper. How do I produce the correct itemizing and get rid of other individuals? Google does not demonstrate anywhere ideas on the idea…

Really? I’m actually quite surprised nobody knows the answer to this, because it’s so simple. All you need to do is itemize the value of numerous articles, then you send the singing armadillo to greet all participants with dreaming of lettuce. You’re done!

18. Seem, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you have obtained to flap your arms and legs, you have obtained to jump close to a whole lot, for life is the really opposite of death, and consequently you need to at extre…

If you’re undead and you know it flap your arms.
If you’re dead, but you don’t know it flap your legs.
When you’re jumping and obtaining, philosophically complaining
Just remember life’s the opposite of death!

– Daniel Nest, 2013

19. Learn to create himself, this post is from another supply.

That’s true. I have a few quality suppliers for my posts and I like to circulate between them. It improves my bargaining position, in case they want to jack up their prices.

20.  Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks

Easy. Are you a royal baby or Katy Perry? If so, refresh the page. Congratulations: You are now listed on Yahoo News! If not, start throwing live chickens at people who pass by your window. You’ll be on Yahoo News in no time.

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14 thoughts on “Comment Spam Roulette: Huge Lad Edition

  1. I know I am usually roused by your weblog postings. So I can identify with No. 14 above, although I am not sure I can speak for my spouse, who conveniently remains of unidentifiable gender, However, I am consistently impressed with your ability to make up the funniest and bizarre responses to your ever-increasing circle of devoted fans.

    Like

  2. flyingplatypi says:

    Hey! Just thought I’d stop buy to let you know that I experienced myself. It was fabulous!!!

    Also, PUMPKIN!!

    I would be awesome At anonymous postings… Is that a legit job?!?

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Like

    • Pumpkin?! There’s certainly no need for that kind of language on this blog.

      Enjoy the experience. I hope you become the first Spam Distribution Professional and let us know how that works out for you!

      Like

  3. Jake says:

    These are hilarious – I haven’t had too much experience with spam (yet… I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad things just yet), but I can’t wait for the day when I get to respond to ones like these haha

    Like

  4. Well, #9 should neutralize #4 at least. Overall, I’d say the spam favors you. On the other hand, not so sure I’d want people to “experience themselves on my blog.” That sounds a little too…um…self-stimulating to me…

    Always funny. Thanks for a good laugh!

    Like

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