WTF Report: “What the f…art?!”

Listen, I’m an open-minded guy.

Do you want to throw random vegetables and paint onto a canvas and call that “art”? Go ahead! Want to stand perfectly still on one leg for forty hours to make a statement about the pointless of human existence and the fleetingness of life? Whatever makes you happy!

But I must admit that even I have limits. Having amassed a modest library of WTF reports, I can honestly say that none of them come anywhere near as close to being worthy of their “WTF” title as what I’m about to show you. Brace yourselves:

If, for some strange reason, you refused to sit through the full three minutes of whatever-the-hell-that-was, allow me to sum up the video’s essence in this this helpful, ten-second GIF:

Metal Penis Art

There must be a million questions racing through your mind right now, like “Why can’t I stop screaming?” and “Has God forsaken me?”

Sadly, I have no good answers for you. I am just amazed that somebody managed to turn some of my absolute worst nightmares into a 3-minute “art” performance.

I can find two possible explanations for what we’re witnessing here:

1) This is an elaborate prank. That only begs further questions, however. For example—where’s the punchline? At what point do they reveal that we’re on hidden camera? Did they go through so much trouble simply to set up a deeply disturbing prank? If so, why is this type of visual torture not punishable by law?

2) This is a real, honest-to-goodness attempt at art. That just makes me want to cry tears of fear and confusion. I don’t understand anything anymore. Are we living in a time where half-naked people thrusting metal penises into solid objects is considered a valid form of artistic expression? Should we introduce mandatory psychiatric evaluations for anyone attempting to create art?

In any case, I don’t feel so good. I think I need a bit of time to myself to see if I can ever become whole again. But in the meantime…

Metal Art Thrusting Skateboard

51 thoughts on “WTF Report: “What the f…art?!”

  1. At some point I thought I understood the message… embracing, even loving one’s disability, though with some frustrating masturbation practices. And then I realized it was just a bunch of people who got high and started screwing around with random supplies at whatever warehouse they work the graveyard shift.


  2. I think I’m having an attack of the vapors. Loved the guy’s expression when he ceased waving his penis-bar around. It makes me wonder, though, how difficult is it to wake up in the morning and realize you have to do something that absolutely no one else will appreciate.


    • Yeah those facial expressions are priceless. Wait, did I say “priceless”? I meant “deeply disturbing”!

      I hope that they’re at least convinced that they’re doing something meaningful…at least that way they can feel motivated about this.


  3. My mother is an artist (a real one), and I am routinely invited to art galleries and shows where at least a fourth of the room is filled with crap. I like, no really appreciate, good art; but it’s this garbage that continues to give any medium a bad name. (Although you could say the same thing about bloggers and self published authors who have no business writing…giving the rest of us a bad name).


  4. Marcy says:

    I can’t express any befuddlement that others haven’t already expressed, and I agree, but I will say that the two women in the harnesses with the synchronized movements were pretty cool.


  5. Karen says:

    Apparently, I have the mind of a 12 year old boy, because all I saw in your title was “fart” – imagine my surprise. . .

    Also, have you sent this to Reanna?


  6. what in the mother. Typically, I would try and understand the underlying meaning – I do love art. What I don’t like is something pretending to have some deep message hidden within when in actuality its overdone and screams: I’m about sexual dominance – as if this is some new societal trend or hasn’t been explored in art (over and over). Shock art that doesn’t shock, but is laughable. I would not have been able to control my hysterical laughter if I were in the audience. Plus, I think I threw up just a little in my mouth.


    • Throwing up in your mouth is a very common side effect of WTF art, so you’re OK!

      I’m with you – while I don’t get most “deep” art, I can appreciate that there’s a statement behind it. This, however, just appears to be an attempt to weird people out, as far as I’m concerned. So, I guess, they’ve succeeded!


  7. NO! Psychiatric evaluation for writers is a BAD idea. BAD, Daniel. Repeat after me: BAD IDEA. *wondering whether she should un-publish all her books*

    Of course, for stage artists… I agree! Mandatory! And they should start with the Oscar nominees!


    • I stand corrected! Only stage artists. Us writers don’t need any help at all. Yes we do. No we don’t. Shut up, you make me so crazy. Well maybe YOU should shut up! Good point!


  8. Thanks, Daniel. That’s three minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Not to mention a lifetime of visual scarring… 😉

    I’ve never understood this artsy fartsy stuff. My mom took me to a modern dance show once. During the parts I was actually awake, I couldn’t stop laughing. Guess I’m not their target audience, huh? I think I’ll stick to seeing ‘Thor’ this weekend instead. Then again, that guy DOES thrust a hammer around…


    • If I haven’t wasted at least a few minutes of my readers’ time each day, I haven’t done my job. So, success!

      Yeah I’m with you. Most high-level art goes well over my head. As for Thor—touche! I am watching Gravity tomorrow. I hear it’s good. If it isn’t, I can at least find solace in that it won’t be as terrifying as this art.


  9. Having watched the entire series of Art 21 several times I can tell you that this is not a first. Someone somewhere has a perfectly convoluted explanation of this films artistic value and whatever statement it is making. For someone this has meaning.
    For me not so much. But then not everyone likes my cartoons or my rarely produced and stupid videos.

    The human race is a strange beast. WTF backwards stands for Feel the Wonder. Now you know.


    • You are so cultured!

      I do realise that, since this type of content is being produced, there must be a niche audience for it and that it must have value for some. But…as you said…I’m not one of those people.

      Feel the wonder, you say? I like that!


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