WTF Report: “Balloon Dog”

Think of what you could do with $58,4 million. You could turn your whole life around. You could buy houses made of chocolate for your whole family. Then you could build yourself a chocolate fighter jet and fill its cargo space with chocolate bars.

What? If you’re not spending your money on chocolate, you’re throwing it out of the window.

Or…you could spend all of that money to become the owner of a single balloon dog.

To clarify: I don’t mean a regular dog made of balloons. That would just be silly and a total waste of money. No, I’m talking about a massive freaking 12-foot metal sculpture of a balloon dog. Look at it and tell me it’s not worth the $58,4 million:

I know. It’s practically a steal. That thing is worth at least $58,5 million, by my latest estimates.

I think this is yet another example that convinces me I just don’t get art. It also makes me question my career choices up to this point. Apparently, all one needs to get rich is to visit the circus and then build a giant replica of whatever Chippy The Clown made in front of the audience.

I’m not knocking Jeff Koons—the artist behind this creation. If I could sell stainless steel sculptures of giant faceless dogs, I’d do it too. It guess I just never stop being surprised by the seemingly inflated value of most art. To quote Jeff Koons himself:

“The Balloon Dog is materialism and monumentality. In many ways it is like the Trojan horse.”

Yes, Mr. Koons, yes it is. It’s exactly like the Trojan horse…in that it’s full of tiny Greek men that will ambush the dog buyer’s bank account and murder his ability to ever feel whole again. That analogy got away from me.

If any of you are upset that you’ve missed out on this bargain, don’t fret—there are four more of these dogs out there. Go get them!

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14 thoughts on “WTF Report: “Balloon Dog”

  1. Jeff Koons is the ideal behind the art. He has a team of artists who make the physical art. He actually seems to be a likable guy with a great sense of humor. He’s making millions doing stuff the rest of us mere mortals can only balk at.
    I would rather look at a humongous balloon dog over a well composed painted landscape any day.

    People who spend that kind of money on “art” aren’t buying art- they are investing. I know, blah blah blah blah.

    If you ever want to read a very interesting book on the world of contemporary art, check out Seven Days in the Art World by Sarah Thornton.

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    • Yeah on some level I’m quite envious of people’s ability to make seemingly ridiculous objects that are so obviously in demand.

      And you’re right – a lot of art purchases must be investments. Yet, the mere fact that they are purchased as investments speaks to their intrinsic value. Thanks for the book tip, I’ll have to add it to my ever-growing “to eventually read” list.

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  2. flyingplatypi says:

    I am in the wrong career!! I mean, if a giant metal balloon animal is worth that, just think of what my schlong art collection will be worth!!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  3. Awareness of the astronomical amount it has been sold for tends to make you strive to see something extraordinary in it, to read something into it that isn’t there.No matter how long I stare, it still looks like a piece of crap to me. The art critic has spoken.

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  4. I don’t mean to sound like an old-fogey sourpuss here, but think of how many people that money could have fed! Okay, maybe I do mean to sound like an old-fogey sourpuss. One man’s balloon dog is another million men’s groceries for the week, I guess. Yikes.

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