WTF Report: “Is it purring?”

I am a proud owner of not one, not two, but…no wait, “two” was correct…two cats.

As a cat owner you quickly discover what a huge hassle it is to find out whether your cat is purring. Sure, it seems like all you need is a pair of functioning ears, but reality isn’t always that simple. What if your cat is a quiet purrer? What if you’re listening to Britney’s new album in your headphones? How will you know if your cat is purring then?

Also, you can typically tell if the cat’s purring by touching it. The problem with that is you have to, you know, touch it. Yuck. I didn’t buy two cats to make physical contact with them. They’re here to be trained in the deadly art of cat-Jitsu and to memorize the faces of my sworn enemies. There’s no place for cuddling in their lives.

So what does a busy cat-warrior-trainer need in order to identify those rare purring moments? Look no further than the “Purr Detector” collar:

With a simple and nifty electrical device that you strap directly onto your cat’s neck, you can tell when it’s purring by simply staring at the flashing lights. As a bonus, this collar doubles as a mobile Christmas decoration for your house. As a bonus-bonus, your cat will either get gradually used to bright lights shining in its face or get driven hopelessly mad by the incessant light show. Either way, you’ll have a more dangerous cat-warrior at your disposal.

Is the above product a hoax? Possibly. Do I care? Not one bit. If I don’t get my hands on a purr-detection collar one way or another, my life will never be complete. I’m also sad that it didn’t make my original list of crazy cat gadgets, but better late than never, I guess.

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23 thoughts on “WTF Report: “Is it purring?”

    • We should place a bulk order and split the costs. Think about it – what if everybody around you wears a colour-coded collar that tells you their mood? Life would be so great. We’d never have to talk to each other again, we’d communicate exclusively in light-based Morse code.

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  1. What if the lights on the one cat’s collar sets off a hulk like rage in the other cat… Thus setting a 30 ft tall cat on the city.

    3 words: world domination achieved.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  2. I’ve only had dogs. Enlighten me, please. Why do you need to know if a cat is purring? So you can stop the purring? So you can train it to hiss or whatever else Kianwi said? Hope it works the way you intend. Either way, maybe you can purely enjoy the Christmastime light up!

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    • A cat purring in this house is as rare as a solar eclipse. We need to know when they purr to invite the neighbours and make a party out of it. Popcorn, confetti, dancing Santa – the lot.

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  3. So, sorry, Mr.Touchy! If it does depend on disregarding safety and mental well-being, then I am sure you will have a couple of well trained cat warriors in no time. 😉

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  4. Kianwi says:

    What happens if they his or growl? Does it turn an angrier shade of red?

    And where’s a new picture of your kitties? I want to see them!

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    • Don’t make a mockery out of this wonderful invention. Also, if my cats hiss or growl, I have trained them right. They need that killer instinct!

      Pictures forthcoming at some soonish stage.

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    • Cat warrior training does not depend on “luck”!

      Cat warrior training is about dedication, hard work, and reckless disregard for the concepts of safety and mental well-being. Cat warrior training is broken glass that you must walk upon until you know what pain feels like. Cat warrior training isn’t for pussies. It’s for cats.

      I appreciate the sentiment, though.

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  5. I believe it is quite possible this is real… they make ‘bark’ collars for dogs that deliver and electric shock to the dog when it barks (goal is for dog to stop barking… and it does work)… same collar could easily light up little lights… just sayin…

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    • Right, except with the “bark” collars, there’s an actual logical purpose. Cruel and twisted purpose, but a purpose nonetheless.

      I’m sure it’s entirely possible from a technical perspective. But the function it serves doesn’t seem to be of any use…or…is it?

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