WTF Report: “Haweeeeeee Chair”

You already know my thoughts on infomercials in general.

Now I’m about to share some thoughts on a specific one.

You know how sometimes you’re at work and you think to yourself, “Man, my chair is way too stable. If only I could make it wobble nonstop while I attempt to get stuff done. That’d be great!”

No? Me neither. But you know who does? These guys:

(Yes, I realise I’m very late to this party. Ellen DeGeneres did a funny segment on this very chair, years ago. But better late than stuck on a Hawaii chair with a bowl of popcorn and a strawberry milkshake, as I always say.)

Listen, I get it, you have products to sell. Most infomercials require a suspension of disbelief. But you could at the very least have avoided forcing those “real circumstances” videos on us. Your own host, Erin Lee, struggles to finish her sentences, so out of breath she is. “Very. Busy. Work. Environment. Must. Not. Throw. Up.”

I also love the opening jingle (delivered by the apathetic voice of a man who has given up on looking for proper singing gigs, and on life in general):

“Take the work out of your workout. Hawaii chair.” You take “work” out of “workout,” and you get “out.” That makes zero goddamn sense.

Notably, this chair also takes “work” out of your work, because good luck getting anything done at all while strapped to that psychotic contraption. I’m already clumsy, I don’t need the help of the Hawaii chair to drop assorted folders and paperclips all over the floor.

In the words of Erin herself: “You can hardly call this work.” You said it, Erin, you said it.

It’s no accident that I picked “Hawaii chair” for today’s WTF Report, by the way. In a few days we’re finally going on our belated honeymoon to [RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT] Hawaii. Kauai and Maui, to be precise.

This means radio silence on the blog until late January. I may post some links to upcoming Cracked and Listverse articles, as they get published. Or hilarious pictures of me being devoured by sharks. Either way, you’ll be entertained.

And now, I’m off to practice my Hawaiian Pidgin:

Aloha, everyone!

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “WTF Report: “Haweeeeeee Chair”

  1. Wow. I thought I’ve seen every stupid product with the help of social media, but I have missed this one! But how fun would it be to roll around on that sucker in your office and stop by someone’s desk and just stare at them as your rotate your hips in a questionable fashion?!

    Have fun on your honeymoon! If you need me to watch the cats, just ship ’em on over!

    Also, when you get back, here is the link to my new blog: WritesyDaisy.com

    Like

    • Ha, that there creep-o prank is worth buying a Hawaii chair for. I can’t wait to freak out my colleagues by gyrating by their desks.

      I have FedExed the cats over, you should be getting a knock on your door any second now. Probably from PETA.

      You have a new blog? Awesome, will check out once I return!

      Like

  2. This Hawaii chair is just a covert device to give women orgasms in the workplace – did you not hear one of the illustrators pant ‘this is amazing.’ All it would do for me would be to aggravate my hemorrhoids!
    Crazy stuff – thanks for sharing, Daniel. And enjoy Hawaii

    Like

  3. WTF is right. I’m all for improving health while one works, but this looks so silly. How would I drink my tea? Then again, I probably look just as dumb writing on my treadmill. But at least my body parts aren’t jiggling while I do so. I hope…

    Have fun in Hawaii! I’ve only been there once, but I loved it.

    Like

    • Nothing wrong with exercise at your desk. I am actually really considering a treadmill, taking into account how much time I spend by the desk. I do take issue with my chair forcing me to do involuntary hula hoops.

      Thanks a lot, we’re looking forward to relaxing away from it all!

      Like

      • My $40 plastic treadmill shelf for my laptop finally broke, but in the last two years, it saw near daily use. My husband immediately ordered me another one. He’s either very sweet or really interested in keeping me from packing on the writing pounds…

        Like

Leave a comment, get a reply. That's how I roll.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s