Most people see music videos as something to passively watch, while eating popcorn, drinking Dr Peppers, and sexting each other using Morse code on their intelligent phone apparatuses (I haven’t been out in a while). Most people are mindless consumers of music art.
Not I. When I watch a music video, I pay careful attention to the lessons that can be gleaned from it. For example, have you noticed that Michael Jackson’s videos sometimes feature a move that is akin to walking on the moon, backwards? I have!
My keen eye for detail is why I am now able to pass on some much needed dance wisdom to the masses. Below I present you with five of the most mesmerizing, tantalizing moves, that will surely make you the life of any party and the star of every disco gathering.
5. The “Fuck it”
As seen in: Atomic Rooster – Tomorrow Night.
This move is relatively simple to execute, but speaks volumes about your determined, “don’t mess with me” attitude. Here is a step-by-step guide:
- Pretend you’re holding a stack of papers in your hands.
- Now throw those papers over your head.
- Try again. Higher. Higher! Throw those papers away. You don’t need them!
If done right, it should look something like this:
4. The “Oops, I’m flying”
As seen in: David Hasselhoff – Hooked on a Feeling.
You’ll need: A self-aware, self-propelling, self-driving motorcycle and a long, black trench coat. You’re all set.
- Let your lower body soar into the sky, while holding onto your motorbike.
- Let go.
- Fly. Higher. Higher! Let that bike go. You don’t need it!
Here’s how it should look:
3. The “US flag flood”
As seen in: Whatever the hell this is.
This one involves quite a few steps, but don’t let that overwhelm you. It can certainly be done:
- Start out with your arms outstretched, pointing away from you, parallel to the ground and each other.
- Now slowly, carefully, move your arms apart, until a tiny source of light appears in your chest.
- Angels will want to pour out of this source of light. Let them. You don’t need them.
- Once the angels escape, you should see a liquefied US flag rushing toward you.
- Embrace the liquid flag flood. You’ve earned it!
2. The “I’m trapped inside a mirror with three of my clones”
As seen in: Vanessa – Upside Down.
For this move you’ll need to show up at your desired party venue a few hours in advance. Set up two mirrors at a 90 degree angle to each other. When the time comes to impress your friends with your intricate choreography, you:
- Place yourself in the corner created by the two mirrors.
- Face the mirrors.
- Look up, as if there’s a cruel, merciless God keeping you trapped here, between the mirrors, against your will.
- Smile, as if you don’t know how to accurately express your claustrophobia.
- Move tentatively from side to side.
Your friends are guaranteed to be confused and dazzled. To them, it will look like there are four of you. You will be the only one that knows who the real you is.
1. The “Help, my hands are stabbing my chest and I think they’re trying to kill me”
As seen in: Edem – Over Again.
To execute this move you’ll need to:
- Get possessed by the Devil.
The rest will take care of itself.
That’s it for now. Learn these moves, master them, then combine them into the perfect routine of your own. Most importantly, remember to have fun. These moves may look tricky and professional, but that doesn’t mean you can’t smile while performing them. Make it look easy. Others will be jealous.
22 thoughts on “5 electric moves to energize your dance”
Okay, the mirror one is the best because I’ve seen it too many times. Never done it, as far as I remember. 🙂
Now’s your chance! Your friends will worship you and hold you in the highest of esteems.
Thank you for this!
You are most welcome!
This is totally hilarious! Excellent job!
Why thanks. I’m happy you enjoyed it. Remember to use these moves to wow all of your friends!
I’m laughing at the silly dance moves, but I’m planning on executing the “Fuck It” at a personal dance party later.
The “Fuck It” is as simple as it is versatile. I salute you for jumping right in!
I thought I’d already commented on this post, but can’t see it; must be my age!
Enjoyed this. The ‘Fuck it’ girl looks like she is in the midst of an epileptic seizure.
There’s no conclusive evidence that she’s NOT having an epileptic seizure!
Gotta dance. Gotta dance. Gotta dance.
Help! I’m stuck in a gif feedback loop!
I really wanna try the flag dance. Or maybe it’s just that I’d like to be near the ocean.
Embrace the gif feedback loop, it is your friend! Now grab that flag and run to the ocean. Life awaits!
I should be dancing, yeah! I think I got the last one down pat and I didn’t even have to get possessed! At least I don’t think I did?
See? That just makes you a natural! Now go out and spread the joy. Try to combine it with mirrors for full effect!
Well, I never have done the possessed by the devil thing, but I can relate to the standing in the corner with the mirrors. I’m of the age when I remember going to the department store to shop for clothes was a big deal. Dad would be trying on suit coats and such and I loved to occupy myself with images that went on forever in the trifold mirrors. See what kids did before they could bury their noses and minds in smartphones? This post makes me want to go somewhere and dance — goofy.
Yeah before the smart phone machines people had to use the reflecting glass devices instead!
Don’t let me stop you – get possessed, grab a motorbike, and dance the night away!
You mean I had it wrong all this time? That’d be why my kids say ‘Mom! No!’ whenever I shake my bootay! Oh, the shame! Sign me up quick! I need lessons.
You need only learn one of these moves to greatly improve your dance. May I suggest the flying motorbike? The kids love it!
Great! It would add to my Wicked Witch of the West persona! The kids would certainly feel validated (this is only one of the beautiful things I’ve been called over the years). 😀
I think I have to agree with the You Tube name for the flag video: The Worst Music Video Of All Time. Talk about Cheese with a capital C. But the singer does have some lovely locks of hair, I’ll give him that. Looks very well conditioned…
That hair, combined with those moves…I am surprised he’s not surrounded by throngs of horny women, men, and zebras.
Perhaps that’s in video #2.