Email Troll: “Dolls R Us”

So another one of those wonderful content marketers contacted me two days ago.

She obviously did her research. By that I mean she typed the word “doll” into her browser and stumbled blindly into my famous “10 Dolls To Haunt Your Children’s Dreams” post.

Her email read:

Hi – How are you?

I was at your website today and found this blog:

I work for a company called [Company Name – Redacted]. We are building the best place to go on the internet to find and buy items for avid collectors.

We would love to feature your blog on our Dolls Facebook page with over 20,700 fans. In return we would like to have a link to our [Company Site] on your blog.

We think that your blog offers great content and something our Dolls fans would love reading about. We also think that the readers of your blog would enjoy seeing some of the great Dolls items in [Company Site]. Let me know if you are interested and I’ll send over our logo and link, then we’ll schedule a time to post about you on our FB page.

[Lady’s Name]
[Company Name]

You may know my blog as many things, but I doubt you view it as a doll-friendly place. Sure, I have previously written about dolls. However, all of my doll posts have dealt exclusively with how mind-warpingly creepy they are.

I made my opinion about such spammy content marketing requests abundantly clear. Nevertheless, I am a kind and compassionate soul. So, of course, I responded to the woman:

Hi [Name],

I am delighted that you have recognised my blog for the ultimate doll resource it is. I strive every day to provide curated, informative, and unbiased doll content.

As such, I have rather strict guidelines when it comes to accepting other doll sites. But you seem trustworthy.

To help me make a decision, may I please ask:

1) How often are your dolls exorcised? Hopefully at least once a month, you know how they get otherwise!

2) Are any of them prone to bouts of anti-human aggression? If so, have there been injuries?

3) When I say “The spirit of Lucifer inhabits this one,” you say…?

Looking forward to your honest reply.

Doll guru and tamer,

Bafflingly, I am yet to hear back from her. I hope those dolls didn’t hurt her, or something. Time will tell.

11 thoughts on “Email Troll: “Dolls R Us”

  1. Daniel, I like your style.
    I’ve always found dolls creepy (but I am a bit of a wimp). As a child I recall feeling terrified by a mechanical clown outside the ‘Fun House’ at Blackpool pleasure beach (England, UK) who would constantly roar with insane, mocking laughter – the stuff nightmares are made of.


    • Daniel- I feel like a bit of a toad here, but just wanted you to know I cleared my history in Mozilla and bam, I was able to “like” your post. Go figure.
      Sorry for all the disturbance!


      • Thanks for letting me know, but that still means that the “Like” button doesn’t quite work. You can’t expect everyone to be constantly clearing history and cookies – things should work regardless.

        So please do let me know if you experience any more issues, it’s not a disturbance in any way!


  2. “We think that your blog offers great content and something our Dolls fans would love reading about. “—Ha! Won’t those doll fans be in for a surprise?

    I’ve been getting more of these spammy offers via email now, too. Guess that’s what happens when you post your gmail address on your blog. But I’ve yet to respond like you have. I’m so tempted but not yet brave enough. We spell that W-I-M-P.

    On a side note, quite the stuff going on in Ukraine right now. Just wanted to let you and the world know that I do more than send out mindless tweets and take Buzzfeed quizzes…


    • Actually I should have just let them send people to my blog. Now I’m thinking it’s a missed opportunity to crush people’s dreams.

      Yeah I fully understand that people want to “distribute” links, etc. – but at the very least try to be relevant and show that you’ve spent some time considering the blog.

      You should start responding too. I can offer a “trolling spammers” course, if that’s of any interest.

      And yeah, pretty grim developments. Thankfully, my family is in the Easter and Southern parts of Ukraine, so they’re safe from most of the craziness.


  3. Dolls are evil, if I have learned one thing from your blog it is that dolls are definitely evil…I’m still having nightmares from that post about the “birthing doll…”


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