WTF Report: “Obama is…”

In my last post I used Google to paint an eerily “accurate” picture of Vladimir Putin.

The post was universally hailed by all four people that read it. Some called it “daring,” others said it was “groundbreaking.” Some others called it “you’re just typing random shit into Google and then turning it into a ‘post,’ you lazy hack,” which is entirely true and also shut up.

The post was surely all of those things. You can call me a lazy writer, a no-good doodle-slinger (whatever the hell that means), or even an “I don’t know who that guy is.” But I won’t let you call me a one-trick pony. No sir. Today I’ll prove once and for all that I can do more than search for Putin’s name and take screenshots. Today I’ll do the same with Obama. You may not even know this, but Obama is:

Obama is

Who wants:

Obama wants

Yet he won’t:

Obama won't

Because he does:

Obama does

And he has:

Obama has

So he needs:

Obama needs

To recap: Obama is an idiotic Muslim Antichrist. He wants to ban guns so that the US can at last go to war with Russia and install Obama as the king of the world for the third term. He won’t negotiate. He won’t wait for Congress, mainly because he doesn’t need Congress to avoid saluting a marine.

By having an affair that resulted in an illegitimate son Obama destroyed America. This is exactly why he needs to go and get himself impeached before he’s killed. But his most heinous crime to date is his stubborn refusal to deport Justin Bieber. Maybe that’s because they do drugs together?

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13 thoughts on “WTF Report: “Obama is…”

  1. His refusal to deport Justin Bieber seems the most sensible suggestion on the list, as I can now rest assured that he wont be heading for the UK anytime soon!

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  2. You and Carrie crack me up! Your English Daniel is so good I forget it’s not your first language.
    I know nothing about your language. Nothing.
    The only French I know is… French Fry. That’s right isn’t it?
    I should probably try harder. I did take German in school. That was a mistake since Spanish is really the second language to know in these here parts.

    Anyway- poor Obama. Guess he gets the last laugh- we elected him for two terms. I NEVER talk about my politics but I will say I’m okay with the dude. He came into a total crap situation and has done the best he could. That’s it though. Here in the south where I live- them’s fightin’ words.

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    • Arm yourself with a pen and a phone and do be vigilant!

      I’m of the same opinion, to the extent that I can judge from here in DK. He surely didn’t live up to the campaign hype, but he also had a shitload of stuff to deal with and lots of people working against him.

      “French Fry” is how some joker referred to Joan of Arc after they burned her. Then they executed him. Sorry, black humor.

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  3. So Obama has a pen and a phone. Phew. I was worried my country’s leader was without these important staples.

    How scary that everything that came up was so negative? I guess those of us who like Obama don’t Google things about him. (Or did you omit the good stuff? I doubt you would. You have your journalistic integrity to uphold with these WTF posts.)

    A side note–when did you start learning English? Did you start when you lived in Ukraine or not until Denmark? Your fluency and use of even the most obscure idioms–including those more American in nature–really impresses me. Sure, after a year in France (and four years of high school French), I was “fluent,” but not anywhere near the degree you are to English.

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      • Aaah. I see my expert use of “no-good doodle-slinger” wowed you!

        Well I had English in school in Ukraine and private classes too. But I wasn’t anywhere near fluent until I came to Denmark (I was 15 at the time). But here I went to an English-speaking high school, then English-speaking university, so it kind of just came with practice.

        Also, I watch Jersey Shore and Honey Boo Boo to really bone up on the most intricate of phrases.

        PS: I know. Obama’s all fancy like, with his phones and his pens and his “wearing clothes in public at all times.” Well la-di-da, show off!

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