So the pro-Russian rebels have essentially given the world an ultimatum: You’ll be allowed to properly investigate the MH17 crash site, as long as Kiev agrees to a ceasefire. In related news, an infamous serial killer said he’ll allow the police to see the victims’ bodies as long as he’s promised he won’t be imprisoned.

A ceasefire?! Like the last ceasefire that you have so solemnly respected? The 10-day ceasefire during which you have killed dozens of Ukrainian soldiers?

You have, with extremely high likelihood, just murdered almost 300 innocent people in a passenger jet and now you’re trying to dictate conditions?!

If we live in the world of wishful thinking, then how about:

• You give any and all OSCE observers, international experts, and independent journalist unconditional and uninhibited access to the crash sites, you fucking crazed apes with grenades.
• Local criminals who have taken up arms against their own are arrested and brought to justice. Those who are found not guilty of murder and grievous crimes take Poroshenko’s offer of amnesty, if it still stands.
• Every single one of the hundreds of people you’ve captured and tortured over the course of the past many months is let go, unconditionally, immediately.
• All mercenaries from Russia that participate in the fighting turn around and go back.
• Russia stops the constant supply of weapons, manpower, and equipment across the border.
• Local people of Donetsk and Lugansk are allowed to elect their own representatives in free, transparent elections, instead of being represented by Russian proxies—self-appointed “people’s mayors” and “people’s governors.”
• Ukrainians all across the country are given the chance to settle any possible internal differences through dialogue and political means.
• Putin, for once in his life, does the right thing, publicly distances himself from the out-of-control disaster zone he’s instigated and declares the right of Ukraine to its sovereignty and territorial integrity.
• Putin and his political machine stops any and all meddling in Ukraine’s internal affairs.
• Russian media starts reporting two sides of the story, or, at the very goddamn least, starts reporting facts instead of making “facts” up.
• People directly responsible for the horrific MH17 tragedy are identified and brought to justice.

I think the above will mark the first tentative steps toward a real, humane solution. But do you even want one? Have you ever wanted one?