And then they were two…

This is going to surprise you, but parenting is sort of hard. Harder than owning cats, even.

You take care of a tiny little human that relies on you for everything and needs near-constant attention. In return, you’re rewarded with sleepless nights, constant worries, and—later—toddler’s temper tantrums. Awesome!

So then you, a rational, sane person, look upon this shitty deal and go, “Hey, I know! Let’s have another baby!”

So then you do.

So then you have two babies, because that’s how math works.

If this intro was too subtle, I’m going to go ahead and spell it out: We have a new TV I’m a father again.

Yaaaaaaay?

To give you an idea of what it’s like to have a second baby when your first one is still in diapers: I’m over two months late with this announcement. The only reason I even got the chance to sit down and write about it now is because my wife left on vacation with the kids and I’ll only be joining them in a week’s time. (And because my brain got so excited at the prospect of finally getting enough sleep that it refused to let me fall asleep at all. I’m literally up for over 24 hours now. My brain is the biggest asshole I know.)

Baby Nia was born on May 16. She sprinted out into this world in just a few short hours because who has the time to wait these days?! She went home with us the very same night and was welcomed by the cats and her brother. She fit right in here, which is why we decided to forego our legal right to return her to the hospital within the first 24 hours. (That is a rule, no?)

And now they’re two.

Nia’s a healthy, smiling little girl…who often refuses to sleep and likes a cry or six every now and then. Nathan is a sweet, caring big brother…right up until he impulsively smacks Nia’s head on occasion. Oh yeah, that’s apparently a common way for older siblings to process the disruptive arrival of a cute-yet-formidable challenger.

Parenting is all kinds of fun!

Understandably, I was doing the happy dance and looking forward to some quality alone time when I saw them off at the airport two days ago…

…but then you find yourself awake in an empty, silent apartment and you realize the real reason you can’t fall asleep is that you simply don’t feel whole without these little bundles of stress anymore. Because they’re your everything. Frustrating, exhausting, wonderful everything.

So you sit down and write a post to let them know this in the most convoluted way possible.

There you have it, Nia. You, Nathan, and your amazing mom, complete me. I feel like that should be a line in a movie or something.

Okay, we’re veering dangerously toward “rambling” territory now, so I’ll wrap up.

I just wanted to capture this feeling while it was still fresh. Stale feelings are the worst.

Plus I wanted to have an early baby post about Nia.

Because she might one day go, “Dad, why did you write a bunch of blog posts about Nathan after he was born but none about me?” (In this particular story, people still give a shit about my blog.)

Then I’ll go, “Yeah, about that, funny thing, you see–whoa, wait, what, you’re, you’re breaking up, I’m losing connection, what, can’t hear you, the line’s reaaaaally bad!”

And then she’ll go, “Dad, we’re sitting at the same breakfast table. Like, what is your deal?”

But now that I wrote this, she’ll instead know that I did it out of some idiotic sense of moral obligation dictated by my fucked-up brain.

See, Nia? Daddy cares about you very much and is also insane.

The point here is this: Don’t start writing long-overdue blog posts after a sleepless night.

That, and: I love you, Nia. More than you will ever know.

15 thoughts on “And then they were two…”

  1. I used to read you all the time; you were always good for a laugh. Then life happened and I went somewhere–not sure where. In trying to make sense of my 8 email accounts today, I stumbled upon an exchange we had back in ’12 and thought I’d see what you were up to. This post from 2 years ago is the last I can find of you. Maybe two kids was the final straw and you abandoned the interwebs. I hope you are well. And still funny. Funny makes life bearable.

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    • Oh wow. Just stumbled upon your comment in the blog’s moderation queue. Shows you just how often I actually log on to the blog.

      Unbelievably enough, I’m still alive and kicking. Well, “shambling through life in a zombie-like state due to persistent lack of sleep,” more accurately. The kids do have a tendency to consume lots of time, so I’ve let the blog sail on auto-pilot all this time.

      I do intend to eventually get back to the funnies, once I have the mental energy to think of something other than “must, have, sleep, now.”

      I hope you’re doing great and still writing. I believe you were once working on a movie based on “Senseless Confidential” – can’t recall what came out of that?

      Thanks for thinking of me and dropping by the blog. You’re always free to drop me a line via the “Contact” form. Email is something I check more regularly than the blog itself.

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  6. I wondered what happened to you, missed your posts. Glad to hear it was happy news, my big brother (who was 4 when I was born so out of diapers) decided he couldn’t walk and wanted to be carried everywhere (because the baby.. me was getting carried around). It didn’t last long, as my mother took him to the doctor, dr said he’s fine, just jealous of the baby. So Mom let him lay in the floor, and went about her business… he didn’t miss but one meal, by refusing to walk to the table, he had a miraculous recovery when the next meal of the day rolled around. 🙂 He never hit me in the head that I know of, the pair of us ganged up on baby brother (number 3 at our happy house)… oh Congratulations on the growing family 🙂

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    • Yeah I did go AWOL there for some time. Nathan also got a bit more clingy for a while after Nia was born, asking to be picked up and so on. Guess it’s all part of life – they all grow up fine in the end.

      Thanks so much, our growing family appreciates it!

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  7. Wow, big congrats! I’m so happy for you! Wonderful to hear.

    As you mention, once they’re in your life, their absence is like a missing appendage. But enjoy your solitude. It will be over quickly and it may not come again for another ten years. 😄

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    • Thanks Carrie!

      It’s tougher to be away from them than I anticipated. But I do intend to get some sleep time…if my brain lets me.

      I’ve been off the radar for quite some time, but I do have a rather decent excuse I figured. I expect to be back to some regular online presence soon…10, 15 years max.

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