Blue Balloon Dog

WTF Report: “Balloon Dog”

Think of what you could do with $58,4 million. You could turn your whole life around. You could buy houses made of chocolate for your whole family. Then you could build yourself a chocolate fighter jet and fill its cargo space with chocolate bars.

What? If you’re not spending your money on chocolate, you’re throwing it out of the window.

Or…you could spend all of that money to become the owner of a single balloon dog.

To clarify: I don’t mean a regular dog made of balloons. That would just be silly and a total waste of money. No, I’m talking about a massive freaking 12-foot metal sculpture of a balloon dog. Look at it and tell me it’s not worth the $58,4 million:

I know. It’s practically a steal. That thing is worth at least $58,5 million, by my latest estimates.

I think this is yet another example that convinces me I just don’t get art. It also makes me question my career choices up to this point. Apparently, all one needs to get rich is to visit the circus and then build a giant replica of whatever Chippy The Clown made in front of the audience.

I’m not knocking Jeff Koons—the artist behind this creation. If I could sell stainless steel sculptures of giant faceless dogs, I’d do it too. It guess I just never stop being surprised by the seemingly inflated value of most art. To quote Jeff Koons himself:

“The Balloon Dog is materialism and monumentality. In many ways it is like the Trojan horse.”

Yes, Mr. Koons, yes it is. It’s exactly like the Trojan horse…in that it’s full of tiny Greek men that will ambush the dog buyer’s bank account and murder his ability to ever feel whole again. That analogy got away from me.

If any of you are upset that you’ve missed out on this bargain, don’t fret—there are four more of these dogs out there. Go get them!