There is an incredible amount of Chuck Norris jokes out there. They range from mildly amusing to laugh-out-loud funny and revolve around the superhuman powers Chuck Norris may or may not possess in real life.

Chuck Norris jokes are/were such a thing that looking up “Chuck Norris” on Google will at first display a few links to these jokes before it leads you to the Wiki page for him. Also, looking up “Chuck Norris” on Google will instantly impregnate you with Chuck Norris’ baby, regardless of your gender.

Everybody and their grandmother have at some point chipped in to the vast pool of Chuck Norris “facts”. Everybody, that is, but me. I’m about a few decades late to this party. Chuck Norris jokes are a thing of the past.

Or, are they?

Yes, they really are, but being out of fashion never stopped me before. And so, without further ado, I bring to you a few Chuck Norris jokes of my own. You don’t have to laugh or even smile, but know that Chuck Norris is watching. Do you really want to take the risk of offending him?

• Fool Chuck Norris once, may you rest in peace.
• Chuck Norris can delete “read-only” files.
• He who laughs last, is always Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris loved Avatar! Since then he reads all of his books in 3D.
• If it ain’t broke, Chuck Norris hasn’t found it yet.
• Chuck Norris never hides in Hide-And-Seek. He just stands behind the seeker until he counts to 10. By then it is too late.
• Chuck Norris once tried mountain biking. He found that mountains make crappy wheels and switched back to using tree trunks.
• Chuck Norris only plays Red Rover against one person at a time. He never loses.
• If Chuck Norris ever presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, Bill Gates has exactly 15 seconds to release a new version of Windows.
• Chuck Norris cuts twice, then measures once to record the victim’s time of death.
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Norris wouldn’t choke woodchuck?