Back in the day, I used to have a pretty regular segment on the blog called “Stuff our canteen writes.” At the time, our work canteen signs were translated into English by a dyslexic ADHD patient enlisting the help of a bootleg version of Google Translate.

Later, undoubtedly due to my almost-daily mockery of their signs, the canteen shaped up and started releasing perfectly competent English menus.

Until last Thursday, when this happened:

This, specifically:

Contrary to popular belief, ferrets aren’t considered a national dish in Denmark. In fact, they aren’t even eaten here at all. Well, except for the 1976 stand-off between invading feral ferrets and the defenders of Copenhagen in what has since come to be known as the “Thirteen Hour Ferret Feud.” Don’t ask Danes about this; they don’t like recalling those dark times.

And what are “coarse ferrets,” exactly? Ferrets with exceptionally bad manners? Like, they chew your face off without even thanking you for it? Those rascals!

I’m quite puzzled as to how this could have gone so wrong. “Grove fritter” translates quite well to “chunky fries.” Fries aren’t exactly an exotic dish. I refuse to believe that the menu-maker didn’t know the English word for deep-fried potatoes.

Unless, of course, there was no human involved…

Canteen, I’m only going to ask you this once: Did…did you go back to using Google Translate?

Look at me. LOOK AT ME!

Did. You. Use. Google. Translate. Again?

Oh goddammit!