Dog Wearing a Crown

Email Troll: “Reign Of Dogs”

Just a few weeks after my post about liars trying to get links, I was contacted by yet another “content marketer”. From this point on, the word “content marketer” is interchangeable with “spammer.”

Apparently my blog is a shining beacon of light in the fashion industry, because this marketer figured my audience would be ecstatic to hear from his fancy dress company.

Yet again the marketer lied about having read and enjoyed my posts. Yet again I responded with a reference to a non-existent post. Yet again the marketer lied about having read that fake post. These guys must have attended the same “Bullshit 101” course in late October.

Here’s the correspondence:

 

Sam:

Hello,

My name is Sam and i am currently working on behalf of a fancy dress company called [EDITED OUT].

I have spent some time on your site this afternoon and really like the posts that you have written or had written and published on your blog. Following this i was wondering if you would be interested in receiving and publishing an article written on or around the subject of christmas costumes? I feel this would be highly relevant and good viewing for your fellow bloggers.

I hope this would be of interest to you and any feedback or suggestions on this to make the article appeal to you would be appreciated. I look forward to your response.

Kind Regards,

Sam

 

Daniel:

Hi Sam,

Exciting. Is it my “Dog Kimono” post that got you to write me? That post took quite a bit of research and two weeks living among dogs!

Daniel

 

Sam:

Hello Daniel,

Yes that was the post, i found the article very interesting.

I was wondering if you accept guest posts?

Kind Regards,

Sam

 

Daniel:

Hi Sam,

That’s so cool. The crazy thing about dogs is that they have at least eleven different barks for “danger” and seventeen barks for “nap time.” Did you know that?

I accept many things, but I accept our future overlords—dogs—above all!

How about you, Sam?

Daniel

 

Sadly, Sam never wrote back. I’m not sure if it’s because he found out I was on to him, or because he’s now frantically preparing for the impending dog apocalypse. I hope it’s the latter.

From now on I think I’ll start answering content marketers with a link to the “Want Links? Make an effort!” post and leave it at that.

Until then…woof woof!

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Dog In Blue Wizard Costume

Guest Expressed: “5 Stupidest Halloween Costumes For Dogs”

I’ve written about stupid Halloween costumes before. I’ve written about stupid pet items before, too. It was about time to combine them.

Today’s guest is Jessica Conars and she’ll give us her thoughts on some pretty stupid Halloween costumes for dogs.

Enter Jessica:

Whoever said that the tradition of dressing up for Halloween is dead and forgotten? Honestly, it has never been more alive! Just look at these dogs and see just how well and alive it really is! Dressing up your dog in a ridiculous getup and parading it around town like it was a Bart Simpson float – if that is not the Halloween spirit I don’t know what is! Just take a gander at these here mongrels and witness first hand the cruelty of Man and all its unholy glory.

5. The Bat-Dog

Can you imagine anything more silly than a dog wearing a Batman costume? As if there could by anyone else but Christian Bale portraying the “Caped Crusader”. I can understand the whole premise of a dog-bat superhero, but a dog-bat billionaire? That is something that I find truly comical.

4. Super Mario Dogs

There is nothing funnier than a fat plumber trying to get the girl; especially when it involves him doing physical exercise. But a dog Super Mario? That is just bad gameplay, or it would be if anyone was drunk enough to cast a four legged Italian stereotype down people’s throats. One should rather sue the people who can do such a thing to a poor, defenseless animal. But we do have to admit, Super Mario Dogs sounds just as catchy as the prequel.

3. Dogula

Dracula Dog

Source

“I will suck your blood for dressing me like this! Ruff” – is what this adorable puppy would say if it was asked how it felt to be dressed in the most comical manner possible. I do respect Dracula and all he stands for, but if he knew about this trampling of his image, he would undoubtedly turn Catholic and begin missionary work overseas. I mean come on; just look into this mutt’s cold, soulless eyes and tell me he is not cursing the day they dressed him up in such a ridiculous getup.

2. Dogzilla

Not all Asian jokes have to involve crazy natives eating the local dog population, or making them into Prada handbags. All you need is a pair of green garbs, some construction paper and a “willing” dog to transform your ordinary house pet into Japan’s worst nightmare! May I present for your approval, the all powerful Dogzilla. He is well over 3 feet tall and his roar can can wake up even the deepest sleeping neighbor.

1. Star Wars (Featuring Dogs)

If we put aside Chewbacca and all the Ewoks from the third one, we can see that furry little critters have no place in outer space. Not only are we looking at another Jar Jar catastrophe, but what good are dogs when a guy in a black suit is choking you, using nothing but his mind? Honestly, even Yoda will find that amusing and ask George Lucas if he had taken his medication on time. Absurdity at its finest, if you ask me. What is next? Darth Poodle?

Author bio: Jessica Conars loves to write on different topics about entertainment. She works a part time job at http://www.shinylondon.co.uk/end-of-tenancy-cleaning-se17-walworth/ and she has a lot of time to write for her readers.

Brown Dog on a Red Leash

Guest Expressed: “5 Most Annoying Habits Dogs Have”

I’ve bombarded you with posts about cats for too long. Enough is enough. Today’s guest, Supriya Tamang, brings something totally different to the table – a post about dogs and their annoying habits. Enter Supriya:

No matter how adorable or cute or lovable our furry friends are, you’d have to agree with me when I say this: there are times when we question our love for them. And rightly so!

There are some really quirky and annoying habits our dogs seem to have and nothing, I mean nothing we do can make them change that. While we all have learned to live through those enduring habits, I know how much hard-work and resilience it takes to love them despite these habits. And, sometimes we also need to rant, and cry and take the load of our chest, so today I’m here letting it all out, the most annoying things our dogs do.

1. Licking anything and everything

Sluuuuuuurp, sluuuurp, sluuurp, sluuuuuurp!

Hands, face, feet, furniture, floor, walls, privates (uugggghhhh), you name it, they lick it!

I don’t know to this day what’s so fascinating about licking, but they sure seem to love it. For instance, you lay down to take a nap, and there they are jumping and bounding across the room to lick you. And they seem to have this undying love for your nose don’t they?

We’ve all been through this, and even though it really annoys us at times, we don’t love them any less because of this. Sometimes it’s even cute!!

2. Bed Hogging

Do you always end up sleeping in the foot of the bed by the end of the night? I don’t know about you, but I sure do. And it’s all thanks to my darling dog. Bed hogging is the most annoying habit that I’ve found in almost all dogs; they tend to believe that they own the bed and they are doing us a favor by letting us crash on it. “The pillow’s mine! And the bed sheet, and the blanket and yeah, the entire bed’s mine toooooo!”, I honestly believe that they must think the same way every time they hit the bed.

3. Following you everywhere

Wagging their tails, looking at us with those puppy eyes and hanging their pink tongues, our dogs will follow us everywhere we go! Be it the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room or even the washroom, they have this constant need to follow us everywhere. Not that it’s something which really bugs me out, but it becomes really annoying when you start tripping on them or  when you can’t even leave the room without being followed. And, when we try to keep them from doing so, they practically dig a hole through the door trying to get to us!

Aaahh.. Puppy love!!

4. Excessive Chewing

I know!  That is why they have chew-toys. But, dogs have this innate ability to sniff out things like shoes, table, chairs, books, clothes and they’d rather chew these things than the chew-toy you just bought them. And, even better, they have the knack to differentiate between the new stuffs and the old ones. It’s no surprise that they always decide that it’s a good idea to chew through the new things. Lathered up in dog drool, with extensive bite marks and usually a big hole to go along with it, torn up or scratched, that is how our poor things end up when our dogs have nothing better to do.

5. Assuming that our lap is their couch

Yup, that is what they assume. It doesn’t matter if they’re tiny or big or wet or dirty, what matters is that they have to get onto our lap and snuggle in. Why? Well, because our lap is the most comfortable place on Earth. Not the soft cushion we’ve laid out for them, but our lap, not the bed, but our lap and it’s especially comfortable when we’re trying to complete our work.  And what happens if we don’t let them do so? Head butting, whining, slobbering, slathering, barking and constant pacing from one room to another. That’s what happens.

Even after all this, you can’t help but love them!

On a side note, I’m pretty sure I am turning into the ultimate dog-lady.. *sigh*

Supriya is a self proclaimed traveler who travels through the unexplored terrains of her mind and broken roads of her failures in search of “passion”. She is also is a writer at PV Pixels. Her fields of interests are event organizing and journalism. When not working, she likes to watch movies and spend time with her family.