Yellow Scooter

WTF Report: “Look ma, no hands (or brains)”

Do you know what’s difficult? Standing on one leg while juggling nine bowling balls covered in sulfuric acid and singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen.

You know what else is difficult? Driving a scooter without crashing it into something every few seconds. Apparently.

Case in point:

If you’ve missed it, the madness starts already on the first second—upper middle of the screen. The whole video plays out like a Charlie Chaplin skit, only with more reckless bodily injury.

Meet our hero: an unknown scooter driver. His mission? To cross the road. His determination? Commendable. His driving skills? Non-existent. His ability to remain entirely in denial about the lack of said skills? World class!

I wonder what’s going through his head this whole time?

0:01 Jeez! Where did that car come from?! Awkward. Welp, gotta get back on my bike. As they say, “if at first you don’t succeed…”

0:14 OK-gotta-go-no-time-to-wait-excuse-me-weeeeeeee!

0:17 Oh, for the love of…another car?! What is this, an intersection? Out of my way!

0:21 I said, “Out. Of. My.”

0:24 Wwwwwaaaaaaaaaa…

0:25 …aaaaw, for fuck’s sake! Who taught these people to drive?! Excuse me, but I don’t have all day. If you’re not moving, I am.


0:30 AAAAAAAAAAARGH THIS IS GODDAMN RIDICULOUS! REALLY! Ooooooow, my poor all internal organs at once. How they hurt! I’m gonna go give this driver a piece of my mind (and maybe a shard of my collarbone, the way things are going). Is he even looking where he drives?!

0:50 What? Oh no-no-no-no-NO you don’t! You won’t be stealing my scooter. You might crash it into a wall or something.

0:58 Oops. Just a little bump. Not to worry. I got this.

0:59 This thing has a steering wheel?! Well I’ll be damned, driving’s about to get a whole lot easier!

1:00 Move aside, road barricade, I have places to be!

1:03 Places like this cosy giant hole in the middle of the city for no good reason. So peaceful in here. No other drivers. I think I’ll take a nap.

By the way, judging by the piece of the barricade that falls in with our hero, the hole isn’t that deep. So we can assume he’ll be OK. As long as he gives up driving. Permanently.