facts

Man with blue question marks

Get your trivia over here…or don’t

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Hello there, fellow Earthling and occasional reader of Nest Expressed.

How are you? Oh, really? No way! He did what?! That bastard!

I’m glad we had this talk. We should do it again sometime.

Also, I’ve started a little side project on WordPress.com: a daily publication called “Gimme The Gist.”

My aim is to post a short piece of trivia every day. Then again, I once had an aim to slowly write a serial novel, and that stalled after two chapters, so let’s not get crazy here. No, seriously—don’t get crazy. Climb down from that tree, you nutter! I can’t take you anywhere nice anymore. Sheesh.

As I was saying, before your kooky shenanigans rudely interrupted my train of thought, I post daily trivia now. I keep each story ultrashort—200 words max, so you can get wiser in the course of a single trip to the bathroom. It’s the refined human’s alternative to Candy Crush Saga and Flappy Bird. But each post ends with a few links to other sources that give you more to chew on. Don’t! Put that down! I meant “chew on” as a figure of speech. What’s wrong with you?! You’re unbelievable!

This here blog continues as is. Nothing changes. We’re still friends. I’m just seeing other sites now, too. We were never exclusive.

So, if you enjoy trivia on a wide range of topics including cubic watermelons,laughter epidemics, and nitpicky rants about how Arnold Schwarzenegger accidentally helped the bad guy in Terminator 2, then maybe “Gimme The Gist” is for you.

If you enjoy sharing trivia with your friends, then maybe you should not wait for me to finish this sentence because you know what I’m getting at.

With that said, have a wonderful day. Happy belated Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.

Chuck Norris jokes nostalgia

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There is an incredible amount of Chuck Norris jokes out there. They range from mildly amusing to laugh-out-loud funny and revolve around the superhuman powers Chuck Norris may or may not possess in real life.

Chuck Norris jokes are/were such a thing that looking up “Chuck Norris” on Google will at first display a few links to these jokes before it leads you to the Wiki page for him. Also, looking up “Chuck Norris” on Google will instantly impregnate you with Chuck Norris’ baby, regardless of your gender.

Everybody and their grandmother have at some point chipped in to the vast pool of Chuck Norris “facts”. Everybody, that is, but me. I’m about a few decades late to this party. Chuck Norris jokes are a thing of the past.

Or, are they?

Yes, they really are, but being out of fashion never stopped me before. And so, without further ado, I bring to you a few Chuck Norris jokes of my own. You don’t have to laugh or even smile, but know that Chuck Norris is watching. Do you really want to take the risk of offending him?

  • Fool Chuck Norris once, may you rest in peace.
  • Chuck Norris can delete “read-only” files.
  • He who laughs last, is always Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris loved Avatar! Since then he reads all of his books in 3D.
  • If it ain’t broke, Chuck Norris hasn’t found it yet.
  • Chuck Norris never hides in Hide-And-Seek. He just stands behind the seeker until he counts to 10. By then it is too late.
  • Chuck Norris once tried mountain biking. He found that mountains make crappy wheels and switched back to using tree trunks.
  • Chuck Norris only plays Red Rover against one person at a time. He never loses.
  • If Chuck Norris ever presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, Bill Gates has exactly 15 seconds to release a new version of Windows.
  • Chuck Norris cuts twice, then measures once to record the victim’s time of death.
  • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Norris wouldn’t choke woodchuck?