food

Man holding fork, picking up a slice of chicken

7 honest reviews of food I found in my fridge

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My wife and son went on vacation last Friday. I was left to my own devices (laptop, smartphone).

You probably think I spent my alone time having a series of mini-comas to catch up on all the sleep I’d lost during the last year of parenting. That’s because you haven’t met my brain.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Daniel’s brain. I like to keep Daniel awake with inconsequential crap like whether he remembered to cross out an item on his to-do list or whether he should consider starting a to-do list to keep track of crossed-out items on his other to-do lists. I am the worst.”

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Green Motorbike Helmet

WTF Report: “Algae Helmet”

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Have you always wanted to turn your breath into food? Are you dying to eat some delicious algae? Looking for a way to combine those two activities into one?

Now you can!

For a low low price of who-even-fucking-cares you too can start converting your very own CO2 into edible algae that you wear directly on your head.

All with a simple, stylish, discreet algae helmet that is guaranteed to turn heads and make you the star of any fancy cocktail party. Behold:

The concept is as ingenious as it is not-at-all-the-stuff-of-your-nightmares: you breathe into the tubes, tiny algae in the tubes eats your CO2, then you eat the algae. Yum! Everybody wins, except the algae. Algae very much loses.

And don’t worry, it’s not actually called “Algae Helmet”. That would be ridiculous. No, it’s called “Algaculture Symbiosis Suit”, because fuck it!

So what are you waiting for?

Order your algae helmet today and start looking like an alien attack victim already tomorrow!

Different kinds of warm

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So, we have a canteen at work. Every day it serves different warm dishes in addition to the main one.

Normally they have a pretty good idea as to what they’re serving and announce it accordingly.

Last Friday, however, they seem to have looked at whatever they’ve cooked and said “fuck it, it’s some kind of food, we’re not committing to anything”.

Because this is what the sign next to the dish said:

I’m actually more into “various kinds of hot” myself