“The Sound Of Music”: Mock Recap (Part II)

This is a continuation of my honourable efforts to bring you a faithful recap of the classic musical “The Sound Of Music”. If you haven’t read the beginning of this wonderful adventure into the world of sporadic singing and adults acting like five year olds, here’s the first part. And now, onwards!

Outside of the villa a young guy by the name of Rolfe delivers a seemingly urgent telegram for the Captain to the butler (Franz). They exchange some shady looks and talk cryptically about “developments”. They know something we don’t…what is it? Oh, the suspense! Inside Franz delivers the telegram to Von Trapp who then announces to the kids that he’s leaving to Vienna ASAP tomorrow. He’s going to see some Baroness Schraeder there and the kids are as happy about this development as they are about their daily marching exercises. It seems the Captain has been visiting this Baroness in Vienna plenty of times before. Love (or a sham marriage) is in the air?

The Captain further announces that this time he’s bringing the Baroness back with him to meet the children, which is probably a badly concealed threat of sorts. The upside seems to be that a fellow known only as Uncle Max will be joining. Judging from the kids’ reactions this “Max” character must be a clown-magician-superhero wrapped in candy floss, as they can hardly contain their excitement at the news. We see Liesl (the oldest daughter whose name rhymes with “weasel”) quietly sneak outside during this dinner conversation. There are enough dodgy things happening in these past few minutes of the movie to spawn at least a dozen conspiracy theories.

Everyone knows that Americans never landed a man on the moon…it was a cybernetically-enhanced alien clone!

Next we’re treated to an outside scene again, where Liesl finds Rolfe waiting with his bicycle by a gazebo. They embrace passionately, but Rolfe thinks that’s too much and insist that they shouldn’t. That’s right Rolfe, you wouldn’t want to get her pregnant with those hugs! Rolfe tells Liesl he missed her so much that he considered sending her a telegram just so that he could deliver it. Stupid move, because Liesl now wants him to “send her a telegram” right away while they’re there. And no, it’s not a bad euphemism for sex. Liesl literally wants him to pretend he’d just sent her a telegram and read it out loud to her. Rolfe, obviously, tells her she’s being insane since they can instead have one of those “conversation” things, like normal people. Except no, Rolfe doesn’t say that at all and proceeds to read out this imaginary telegram to Liesl.

After having fun reading telegrams to each other Rolfe mentions to Liesl that her father should be careful. The Captain is apparently too “Austrian” for his own good and since many people believe Austrians should be Germans instead, he may get into trouble. Aha, subtly handled reference to political climate of the late 1930s. Then Rolfe insist that he’s worried about Liesl, since she’s so young. Liesl fires back saying that she’s actually soon 17. Sounds like a serious discussion brewing up, which of course means it’s time for a song again.

The song ends up being about how Liesl is young and Rolfe is one year older so he should be taking care of her. The couple’s singing is accompanied by an elaborate dance around and inside of the gazebo. This has to be the most well choreographed courtship ritual ever documented. A few times the lovers get very close to kissing, but no, no they don’t. Then they almost do, but then they don’t. And finally, just when we’re about to scream “for God’s sake, send her a freaking telegram already!” Rolfe gives Liesl a…quick peck on the lips. Congratulations, viewer, you have now witnessed the most anti-climatic moment in movie history. Liesl, however, is overjoyed. Rolfe leaves. Who knows, maybe next time he’ll do something wild, like touching her hair.

That bear is getting more action than Liesl can ever dream of

Inside the manor Frau Schmidt brings Maria some material for her new clothes. Maria asks for more material so that she can make some “play clothes” for the children too, instead of the uniforms they currently wear. Frau Schmidt says that won’t happen since children are living by strict rules ever since their mother passed away. Then, on an entirely unrelated note Frau Schmidt tells Maria that there will be new drapes hung up at her window soon, in place of the old ones already there. Old drapes made of fabric, which are no longer needed. Fabric drapes. Fabric is good for making clothes. Remember, this is completely unrelated to the discussion they’ve just had about clothes-making. Spoiler: the two discussions are totally related!

As Frau Schmidt leaves the room she mentions that the Captain is very likely to marry Baroness Schraeder soonish. Maria interprets this as a sign that her mission from God in this house is to prepare kids for a new mother. Maria promptly begins to pray and asks God to bless everybody whose names she can recall. While she’s kneeling by her bed and praying Liesl climbs in through the window into Maria’s room. Liesl is soaking wet because a thunderstorm has started outside. During a brief exchange Liesl admits to Maria that she hasn’t been outside on her own. Maria suggest they wash Liesl’s dress so that there are no signs of her evening adventures the next day. Liesl appreciates the gesture and tells Maria she may need a governess after all (if only to cover her tracks every time she’s out dancing and getting imaginary telegrams from Rolfe).  Then Liesl goes into the bathroom to soak her dress. (CONTINUE TO PAGE 2)