Guest Expressed: “10 Funniest TV Ads Of All Time”

Everyone loves a funny commercial. Well, today’s guest, Stacey Cavanagh, has no less than 10 of them.

Enter Stacey:

TV advertisers know they’ve hit the nail on the head when people talk about their ads. One way to get people talking? Make them laugh! Here are 10 of the funniest TV ads of all time.

1. Never Say No to Panda

This collection of ‘Never Say No to Panda’ ads has had a whopping 21 million views on Youtube as of November 2012.

If was a series of ads back developed in Egypt in 2010 for Arab Dairy to advertise their Panda cheese product. The concept was simple. Every single time someone refused Panda cheese, the Panda did something mean! So funny, so dry and so memorable.

This ad was so popular that it became a hit with people globally, not just in its homeland of Egypt. It even inspired ‘Never Say No to Panda t shirts!’

2. John Smiths Ad – Peter Kay and the Monsters

Always guaranteed to make you laugh, Peter Kay was a brilliant star of John Smiths beer ads. The messaging that John Smiths wanted to convey about its brand is that it’s ‘no nonsense.’ And Peter Kay’s blunt role as a Father reassuring his daughter that she needn’t worry about wardrobe monsters (but she should worry about burglars who break in!) was very witty indeed!

3. Budweiser Frogs Ad

I’m a sucker for the old Budweiser ads and this was one of my favourite (though you’re likely to see another one in this list later). The producers of this ad must have been absolutely over the moon when people were uttering ‘bud-wei-serrr’ in frog-like voices for months and months following this being aired in the US and UK in over a decade ago.

4. Starburst Bus Station

The prize for weirdest character created for an ad definitely has to go to Starburst for this one. Very odd and incredibly witty.

5. Budweiser Whassup

Budweiser did it again when they had a host of people impersonating the ‘wassup’ of this ad. It even got imitated in ‘Scary Movie!’

6. Dollar Shave Club

Ok, admittedly, this wasn’t a TV ad. It was a Youtube ad. But I can’t possibly talk about video format advertising and not mention Dollar Shave Club. It’s absolutely genius!

7. Cadbury’s Drumming Gorilla

Completely and utterly random, but simply brilliant. As well as being a TV hit, this had has amassed millions of views on Youtube.

8. Heineken Walk in Beer Fridge

No commentary required. This TV ad by Heineken was absolutely hilarious!

9. Pot Noodle – Noodle Mine

A really clever, witty ad by Pot Noodle. This ad did receive some criticism about its stereotyping, believe it or not! But most people took it for what it was – lighthearted fun.

10. FedEx Speed Talking

Another brilliant series of commercials were the speed talking ones by FedEx. Nothing says fast delivery like speed talking, right?

This collection of chuckle-inciting TV ads was compiled by Stacey Cavanagh, a Digital Marketer and blogger from the UK. She writers on 2 of her own blogs: Blogsession and Listing Things.

Guest Expressed: “3 Least Heroic Tales of Seamanship Ever”

Today Sam Wright shows us why not all seafaring people are fearless heroes. Enter Sam:

Through the ages the bravest and strongest men and women we had to offer would seek their fortune on the high seas.

As they travelled the waves, these people would embark upon great tales of adventure and heroism.

These… are not those stories.

License: Creative Commons (Image Source)

3. The Collision of the Ann

The ocean is a vast place, and it’s possible to go for days out there without seeing another ship, even today in our age of satellite communication and global commerce.  So quite how the Ann managed to crash right into the Hampton is a subject that may well remain a mystery for the ages.

With a crucial part of the ship damaged, and over 100 passengers on board, the crew of the Ann wasted no time before leaping into action and nailing down all the hold hatches to keep the passengers locked inside.

As the passengers banged on the doors to ask what exactly was going on, the crew made a hop skip and a jump over to the ship they’d just crashed into. This was the sensible option, as some of the passengers on the Ann were escaping, and they were really angry.

Fortunately someone else came along and rescued the passengers (apparently the ocean isn’t as big as we thought), which meant they were all ready to testify when the crew were taken to court.

2. The Hannah Abandons Its Passengers on an Iceberg

Sometimes, in the dark and cold, a boat will have the misfortune to crash into a giant floating block of ice. Some films have been made on the subject. In 1849 this is what happened to the good ship Hannah. The ship had only one dinghy to get anyone to safety, so the Captain and crew took one look at it, thought about old sayings about “The Captain going down with his ship” and decided “To hell with that” and leapt aboard and began rowing for freedom.

The passengers watched their only means of escape rushing off into the horizon, probably swore at it a bit, then realised their boat was still sinking and escaped to the nearest available floating object.

In the absence of life boats, this proved to be an iceberg.  At least 150 people out of the 200 passengers made it to the iceberg and survived long enough to be rescued by a passing boat. Then, because justice does sometimes exist in this world, they made it back to port ahead of the crew who abandoned them.

We like to imagine the passengers were waiting along the shoreline as the lifeboat rowed in…

1. If You Get Caught Abandoning Your Passengers, Try Racism!

So on the sixth of August, 1880, the steamship Jeddah hit bad weather, one of its boilers was knocked loose and the ship suffered all the effects boats usually suffer when giant metal cylinders roll freely about their interior. With power and steering gone,  and water crashing onto the deck of the ship, it was time to get out of there.

The bad news was, the Jeddah had over 900 passengers, mostly Muslim pilgrims on their way to Mecca. The good news was the Jeddah had four full sized life boats, so with a bit of calm and organisation almost everyone should have been able to get out alive.

The captain had just enough time to get the lifeboats prepared for launch. “Prepared” in this sense means loading the boats full of the crew, their families, their guns, their food, their luggage and exactly no Muslim pilgrims.

The pilgrims were understandably not on board with this idea (Get it? “Not on board”? I’m a comedy genius). In the ensuing fracas only the captain’s boat managed to escape, another crashed into the water and the final two were held by the passengers.

Now it takes a special kind of man to try and abandon 900 souls to a watery grave to make way for extra luggage, but it takes a one of a kind to do what that captain did next. Realising that when he got to dry land he would have to explain why all his passengers were, you know, dead, the captain decided to put together a cover story.

Thinking about this, he remembered a single, crucial detail about the 900 people he’d left to die: They were brown. Realising he could say pretty much whatever the hell he liked about brown people and probably be believed, he concocted a story whereby the pilgrims were savage killers, trying to murder the noble white men as the ship sank.

This story started to look a good deal less believable when he and his crew were rescued and got into port to discover the Jeddah being pulled into port by another ship. The captain and crew had a word among themselves, decided that, as white people, they could probably still get away with saying whatever they wanted and stuck to their story about the evil brown people.

It didn’t work entirely according to plan, with the authorities at the time saying: “the action of the pilgrims tends to prove that they never intended to harm the master and his officers had they remained in the Jeddah, that their demeanour is accounted for by the evidence that they had made up their minds that they should not be deserted by the only persons capable of protecting and helping them in the circumstances in which they were placed …”

So next time you see a big appealing looking “Boat For Sale” sign, think about the noble, heroic ranks you’ll be joining.

Sam Wright is a freelance writer who does enjoy going up and down the Norfolk Broads in a boat, because he gets to wear a silly hat and shout orders at people.

And speaking of boats for sale, check out:

Guest Expressed: “10 Jokes Dentists Hate”

Today Chris Turberville-Tully returns with another health-related post, this time about everyone’s favourite doctors – dentists! Enter Chris: 

Going to the dentist seems to strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest of souls. Unfortunately for dentists, some people try to mask their trepidation with humor. Most dentists have probably heard more than their fair share of the same jokes over and over again, accompanied by that nervous laugh that gives away the fear behind the brave front. Check out these jokes, and see if you end up laughing or groaning your way through your next dental appointment.

License: Creative Commons (image source

  1. Vampire Teeth – Has every dentist been treated to a mouth full of vampire teeth at least once in their career? While the American Dental Association does not offer any statistics on that fact, there is probably a good chance that most dentists have seen a fake set of fangs at least once or twice.
  2. No One Will Get Hurt – While not exactly a knee-slapping joke, this next example is surely another classic that many dentists have heard. Well, male dentists, that is. In this video a dentist describes the classic “don’t hurt me, I won’t hurt you” joke in which a patient grabs the doctor’s sensitive areas and states, “now, we won’t hurt each other, will we?” The jury is still out on whether this has actually occurred or just something that everyone wishes they could do.
  3. No Novocain – This is the classic dental-inquiry call in which the caller claims to be in need of the lowest-priced tooth pulling service possible. By the time he whittles down to the bare minimum, a simple tooth yanking without the benefit of Novocain or laughing gas, he asks to set up an appointment – for his wife. I wonder what those two were arguing about?
  4. Panama Canal – When it comes to downright silly dentist jokes, some people are just full of them. Try asking the dentist what some other dentist was doing in Panama. If he doesn’t know, calmly inform him that he was looking for a root canal.
  5. Peanuts – Here is another dental classic. A pastor goes to visit an elderly widow in his congregation. While there, he absentmindedly finishes off a bowl of peanuts on her coffee table. As he prepares to leave, the dear old lady thanks him not only for his visit but also for eating her peanuts. She concludes by telling him that since her last visit to the dentist, she can only manage to suck the chocolate off the peanuts.
  6. The Threat – Every dentist hates to hear the words, “Be careful. If you hurt me, I’ll bite you.” Really? After all, you came to the dentist for dental care. How does that transform you into a biting dog?
  7. Feel the Love – Have you ever sat down in the dentist’s chair, leaned back and said, “I hate dentists?” Man, I am feeling the love. Perhaps the dentist should tell his patients he hates them too!
  8. The Drill – If you have a cavity, there is a good chance that the dentist will go for his drill. The next time he excuses himself to get his drill, try this line: “Good grief! Can’t you fill a cavity without a rehearsal?”
  9. Painless – The dentist looks at a new patient, observes his nervousness, and states, “Don’t worry, I am painless.” The patient replies, “I am not.”
  10. A Few Groaners –To finish off the list, we offer a few groaners, the kind of jokes only a person trying to relieve stress would tell.
    1. What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.
    2. What do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth.
    3. What did the dentist do on a roller coaster? He braced himself.

Chris Turberville-Tully works for Ivoclar Vivident UK which provides advanced dental CPD training as well as dental product solutions.

Guest Expressed: “Ridiculous, Unsolicited Family Health Advice”

Today we hear from Chris Turberville-Tully, who recaps on some real-life stories of stupid medical tips. Enter Chris:

When you are sick, do you receive unsolicited advice from family members on how to get better? There’s always someone willing to offer suggestions, from well-meaning parents to siblings and grandparents.

It seems everybody has something to say, whether you want to hear it or not, and they always claim to have the best or most correct solution. Sometimes, their advice can be helpful; other times, it is just crazy nonsense. Here are some humorous examples:

Don’t try giving advice to an expert

A mother gave the usual advice about oral hygiene when her adult child developed a cavity: brush teeth, floss regularly, use fluoride and visit the dentist. The problem? The kid is a dental hygienist.

A man instructed his sister on how to hold his newborn daughter. His sister was an ob/gyn nurse with three kids of her own.

Easier Said Than Done

A dad told his kid, who was coughing, to just “stop it.” Yeah, like that’s going to work.

Old Wives’ Tales

A grandmother suggested whiskey for everything…including constipation. So, what’s the whiskey supposed to do, make you forget you are sick? It could make you even worse. And how will you feel in the morning?

Pass the Blame

This is a really stupid one. A mother chewed out her adult daughter when the daughter complained about needing dental work that would cost thousands of dollars. The mother said that she should have consumed more milk and taken more Vitamin C as a kid. The necessary dental work was actually due to the mother’s negligence. She neglected to take her daughter to the dentist for most of her childhood (age 8 to 18). I sure hope stupidity isn’t contagious.

License: Creative Commons (Image Source)

And You Think You Know Me

Then there was a famous burger restaurant that had an outbreak of E. Coli that made a large number of people sick. A concerned mother and father called their son who lived in the area and warned him not to eat at the establishment. The son had been a vegetarian for years. So, where’s the beef in that?

Do as I Don’t

A very obese, alcoholic mother tries to tell her child what not to eat and warns of the negative effects of heavy drinking. Um, does she really expect the child listen to what she says? Her actions sure are screaming something different.

What Did You Say?

A mother’s advice for dry lips: baby oil in the belly button. Is it supposed to work its way to the lips by osmosis or something?  I don’t think that too many people are flexible enough to transfer that baby oil to their lips any other way…well, maybe a contortionist.  Somehow, I don’t think this one’s going to work.

Said the blind man to the deaf dog over the phone

Parents of a deaf child, when having to repeat something (because hearing aids don‘t help 100%): “listen harder, or use your ears.” Um, ok….how do I use them when they don’t work?

You probably have experienced similar entertaining health advice from family.  The next time someone offers you unwanted advice, smile politely and resist the urge to go bang your head against the wall. You might give yourself a headache, and someone will inevitably give you advice for that too.

References: This Reddit thread.

Chris Turberville-Tully works with the International Team For Implantology (ITI) which offers dental implant courses.

Guest Expressed: “Something Phunny is Going on in Phoenix; Weird News”

“Deserts are fun!” is not a typical thought that crosses our minds. Today’s guest, Meg Jones, begs to differ.

She’ll share some curious and amusing stories about Phoenix (plus a few others). Enter Meg:

Ever read a bit of news that is just a little too hard to believe? While mainstream media is usually supposed to carry legitimate news, there are those stories that cause just about anyone to scratch his head and wonder, “Did I accidentally pick up the National Enquirer?”

Enjoy a few slightly weird bits of news collected here, and you just might agree that there is something “phunny” going on in Phoenix, and a few other places.

License: Creative Commons (image source)

Phoenix Phall Phunfest

Here’s a great and weird activity the locals enjoy participating in.

You’ve Got Earthquakes, Phoenix

1,000 to be exact. Arizona State University researchers revealed results from three years of seismographic study, showing that the state of Arizona experienced the tremors of earthquakes almost 1,000 times in just three years: 2006 to 2009. If you wonder why these earthquakes did not make the news, it is because of their micro-sized strength. Arizona was previously thought to experience only very infrequent earthquakes, but this latest information, published in August 2012, has researchers exploring the causes and possibilities of this unexpectedly large number of earthquakes.  But this is just baby stuff.  It gets stranger.

Strange Sounds in the Sky over Arizona

This has been happening all over.   Here is happens on a cloudless night.

Babies on Beer

It is amazing what parents will do these days. In July, 2012, a mother in Phoenix was arrested for giving her 2-year-old child beer in a sippy cup. Did she really think that would be good for the baby? One has to wonder if people just lack sense to know better anymore or if they simply do not care. According to the report, the 36-year-old mother was at a pizza restaurant and gave the child beer after the child kept reaching for the pitcher.

Weed in the Mail

Some people in Arizona are just a bit weird in their mailing habits. A woman in Michigan was surprised when a package turned up in her mailbox containing two pounds of marijuana (3). The return address was from Arizona. Was the package sent to the wrong address or was the designated recipient supposed to find it in the mailbox before the elderly woman went to check her mail? Regardless, whoever the intended recipient was certainly missed out as the police took possession of the weed with intention to destroy it.

Gun for a Ring

Straying a little from Arizona, because we can and think it’s phun, a strange tale is to be found in North Liberty, Iowa, where a local jeweler is offering a free rifle to men who purchase an engagement ring costing at least $1,999. And while it may sound like the jeweler is promoting domestic violence, Harold van Beek actually says it is intended to help out the guys who would rather be hunting for deer rather than diamonds.

Grown-Up Paper Airplanes

Back in Arizona you will find the tale of the world’s largest paper airplane, and how it actually took flight. The paper aircraft, measuring 45-feet long and weighing in at 800 pounds was part of a museum paper airplane contest. The original plane was designed by a 12-year-old boy who won the Pima Air & Space Museum’s contest. Engineers were set to work to build the larger craft off of the boy’s design. On March 21, 2012, the plane took flight for a few brief moments after being carried aloft by a helicopter.

A Lady in the Window

This is what happens when you’ve been in the desert sun too long.  Or are too lonely.  This mannequin has found life, love, family, and adventure.  An adoption of sorts has taken place with the lady often seen in the window, who has been involved in nearly everything a real human would.  You might consider dropping by and giving her a visit.

The Phoenix Bat Cave

Enter if you dare.  From April to November, if you are in for some freaky fun, head over to 40th Street and Camelback.  Every evening at dusk, the bats come out to play.  Mexican Freetail Bats begin to exit the dark recesses of batdome and set out for feeding on all sorts of desert delicacies.

Deserts are never boring.  You just have to know where to look for some interesting phun.

Meg Jones writes for a Mesa Locksmith in AZ, Phoenix Lock Master. She enjoys sharing about the desert areas of Arizona and the interesting things that are often missed by people unfamiliar with the region.

Guest Expressed: “7 James Bond Gadgets We Wish Were Real”

Everyone loves James Bond. Or, at least, all the “Bond girls” sure do. Guys are sure to love his gadgets. In today’s guest post Hannah talks about how wonderful it would be to own some of those gadgets in real life. Enter Hannah:

A lot of people are self-confessed fans of the James Bond movie.

Throughout the years, the story has evolved and more and more people have also fallen in love with it. If you are a true fan of the film or at least saw it, then you would have probably noticed some of the gadgets featured in each film. Here’s a seven of the gadgets from James Bond we wish were for real.

1. Electronic Lock Pick

In one of James Bond’s movies, a simple credit card was featured in a scene where the hotel door is being opened. Later on we found out that it’s no ordinary credit card. Rather, it’s an electronic lock pick we wish were real because it might be good to sometimes snoop into other people’s rooms for fun. Remember that time when you were locked out of the house? Well instead of blowing $150 on a silly locksmith, this gadget sure would have came in handy, right?

2. Revolving Sofa

Another great Bond gadget is none other than the revolving sofa that swallows whoever is sitting (or lying) on it while it is turned. A button is pushed and this automatically happens – something you want to do if you want to just ignore the person you’re talking to. Just think about that next holiday gathering when your snoring Grandpa or Grandma doesn’t shut up.

3. Electro Magnetic Controller Ring

This special ring is designed to control and ensure a jackpot on the slot machine at all times. If only this were real, everyone will be very rich by now! I mean, if you bought this gadget for $50, think of the return on your money!

4. Underwater Jetpack

This amazing underwater jetpack is fully equipped with the fastest speed you can ever have underwater. It also comes with a full-capacity headline making it very easy to see through underneath. If only this were true, swimmers and divers will have an amazing time for sure. So the next time you think about traveling from New York to Europe, you will have something to get you there fast.

5. Ultra-High-Frequency-Single-Digit-Sonic-Agitator Unit

This unique ring also needs a single twist to function. It is supposed to be held against unbreakable glass and used if you wish to escape from a room with a glass door. If only this were true, people will really take advantage of escaping everywhere they might be. So again, if you’re trapped in a glass jail cell by chance for a drunken bender, it’s your time to escape (illegally).

6. Sony Ericsson C902

Throughout the years, Bond movies also adapted to more realistic technologies. Also because of the movie, Sony Ericsson’s C902 cell phone unit gained popularity. But of course in the film, special and less realistic features were used. Looking back, this gadget almost looks like a dinosaur since today’s phones such as the Android and iPhone put it to shame.

7. Walther PPK with Palm Reader

This special James Bond gun is really neat. It is fully equipped with a palm reader coded specifically to the owner making sure that he’s the only one who will be able to make good use of it. Also, the gun is pretty safe to use and only functions when held by an official. If only this were true, there will probably be fewer crimes in the world. If only this was for the gun I have in my home! I wouldn’t have to worry about my child getting a hold and having some deadly fun.

There are many other James Bond gadgets to love throughout the years but these are the ones that are not only interesting but may also be useful in the real world. So only if these gadgets were made for real, you can just imagine how convenient life will truly be. Also, it would feel as if everyone is living a superstar’s life for sure.

Hannah works for – – a website that helps you find out what the prices are for things in life.

Guest Expressed: “3 Films About the Horrors of Pollution (That Make it Look Pretty Cool)”

Today Chris Farnell makes a return with a post on how awesome pollution can make things. Ahem, according to some movies, that is. Enter Chris:

The horrors of global warming are a serious threat we need to do everything in our power to prevent. It is the job of film makers and entertainers to communicate that warning to the masses, so that everybody knows that we should all do our bit to protect the environment.

Unfortunately it doesn’t really work if, when you’re showing the terrors of the post apocalyptic wasteland, it looks a lot more fun than the one already around you. This why, when teaching people about the perils of not caring for the environment, you should probably avoid showing them:

3. Waterworld

To be fair, you shouldn’t show anyone Waterworld anyway, nobody has done anything to deserve that.

But the main problem with Waterworld is, well, the title. You see, Waterworld is set in a future where the icecaps have melted, drowning all the land and creating a world where dirt is as precious as gold.

The trouble is, if we completely melt the icecaps, just go up there with a hair dryer or flame thrower and just go to town on all that ice, you know how much the water levels would rise?

By about 68 meters.

Now 68 meters is a lot. Coastal cities would be completely destroyed, flood plains would just become big lakes, islands would completely disappear. A rise in sea level of 68 meters would catastrophic. But the amount of dry land left over would be this much:

License: Creative Commons (Image Source)

2. Mad Max

Mad Max is the reason why nearly every apocalypse ever committed to film or video game looks like the outback in Australia. Set in a world where the oil has run out and energy shortages have caused society to collapse, humanity’s only hope is Mel Gibson (but before we found out about all the crazy alcoholism and racism).

But, I’m just saying, for a film that’s about a world where the oil is running out, there are an awful lot of car chases and explosions.

Surely a realistic dystopian post-peak oil future would see mad men riding about on their souped-up battle bicycles, bike jousting in horrifying displays of grace and violence that continue until someone breaks a chain or has a wheel come off.

1. Wall-E

Wall-E is set in a future where our garbage and waste has made the planet uninhabitable. The planet is in such a terrible state that the only two living things on the planet are a  cockroach and a single plant (which, if you look closely, should probably be dead since it has no access to sunlight until Wall-E finds it).

Humanity meanwhile has fled the planet to go and live on a deluxe spaceship where our every need is met, constantly.

So where, exactly, is the downside for humanity? That we look fat? Who cares, so does everyone else! The health complications that are a problem for obese people now clearly aren’t an issue by then, as it’s made obvious we’ve evolved to cope with it.

And we don’t have to get fat- the ship has a pool, tennis courts, lots of space to run around. Quite frankly if you want to get exercise, you can get exercise. Really, everything goes fine until Wall-E comes along and starts an entire robot uprising, then takes everyone back to a polluted wasteland with ONE PLANT AND A COCKROACH and hopes that somehow they can completely rebuild civilisation using only what they’ve learned in Wikipedia.

The problem here isn’t that we don’t have enough offshore wind farms, it’s that, looked at rationally, life is way better aboard the space station.

So thanks a bunch Wall-E, you dick.

Chris Farnell is a freelance writer, which is a skill he’s sure will be valuable come the collapse of civilisation.

Guest Expressed: “3 weird and wonderful bathrooms”

How many of you are bathroom enthusiasts? OK, not many… Well, maybe Jonathan Jones, today’s guest, can get you more excited about them? Enter Jonathan:

Going to the bathroom is usually an unremarkable experience. When we think back over the events of a day, we rarely count our bathroom trips as events worth remembering, but there are weird and wonderful bathrooms in the world that demand the attention of patrons, making a memorable trip of what would normally be a banal bathroom visit.

3. ‘Don’t Miss A Sec’

In the city of Basel in Switzerland, there is a public bathroom that appears to be covered in mirrors on the outside; however anyone inside the bathroom can see out clearly as if the walls were made of glass. Artist Monica Bonvicini’s designed the bathroom, which she entitled ‘Don’t Miss A Sec’. The work explores our fear of missing out when we go to the bathroom. Those brave enough to use this strange bathroom can see everything that’s going on in the world outside but anyone who finds it difficult to pee in front of other people might want to go elsewhere!

2. The World’s Largest Restroom

Chongqing in China is house to the world’s largest bathroom, with a grand total of 1000 toilets. The gargantuan restroom has an Egyptian theme and is made of recycled materials. Many of the urinals are unusually shaped, with some resembling open crocodile mouths and others having the head of a woman. Calming music and televisions are there to put patrons at ease and make their bathroom experience as enjoyable as possible. Officials in Chongqing hope that the quirky bathrooms will draw tourists to their city.

1. Urinal Art

In 1917, Marcel Duchamp shocked art critics and the public alike when he turned a urinal on its side, signed it ‘R. Mutt’, called the piece ‘Fountain’ and claimed that it was art. While not quite a bathroom, this urinal is perhaps the most famous urinal in the world as it called into question the nature of art itself and was a key piece of the Dada movement. Several authorised reproductions are on display in museums around the world, including the Centre Georges Pompidou in Paris and the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Over the years, several performance artists have attempted to pee in these urinals, including the famous duo of performing artists, Yuan Cai and Jian Jun Xi.

So next time you go to the bathroom, spare a thought for the weird and wonderful bathrooms worldwide that aim to make our trips to the bathroom memorable experiences and be glad of the privacy afforded by your home bathroom – it shouldn’t be taken for granted!

This article was written by Jonathan Jones, an art enthusiast and part-time staff member at a company specialising in bathrooms Dublin.

Guest Expressed: “A Funky Night Out in Funky Buddha”

Today’s guest post will give us a sneak peek of the London night-life. 

Let’s go:

My friend Jonny and I have set ourselves a challenge:  To visit and review every night club in London. A tall order? Maybe. Will we achieve it or will our disco heads explode first? Who knows but we sure know that we’re gonna dance trying…

Firstly, we made a list. I like lists. We wrote down the name of 73 clubs before we then got bored. ‘That will do for now’, Jonny said. ‘Now shall we work through them alphabetically or put them in a hat and choose at random?’

‘Random.’ I replied. ‘And do they have to come from a hat? Because I don’t have any. I’m not a hat person. You know that.’

There is a reason why I don’t like hats. Anyway, I digress. We chose something else instead  – a shoe box, if you’re really interested. After tearing up the names of all the nightclubs in London and putting them into the shoebox, we decided who would go first.

‘I’ll go first’ I said and pulled out a paper strip. Exciting.

Funky Buddha.

‘Where’s that?’ Jonny said.

‘Mayfair. Idiot. All the celebrities go. And Prince Harry.’

‘Maybe you might snog him.’ Jonny said. ‘You like Gingers.’

He’s right. I do.

So Saturday came and Jonny came round. I had checked the website and we were required to glam up. A sparkly top for me. Shoes for him. After bickering and squabbling in the cab on the way, we arrived in Berkeley Street and pulled up outside the club. It had just gone 10.30 and there was already a large queue. The crowd waiting were younger than I expected. I thought it might cater for the 30+ but instead they seemed to be about ten years younger than that. Boys in their shirts and jackets, girls funked up with lots of bling. We passed through a ‘lady cloud’ as Jonny like to call it and queued. For about an hour. I can’t say the bouncers were especially friendly but I know they have to sort out the wit from the chav.

Finally, we paid our admission and got in. Descending the neon blue lit stairs made me feel like going into the Big Brother house via the Starship Enterprise. But then it was onto the dancefloor and across to the bar. The fairly low ceilinged dance floor was already fairly packed and hot. Girls gyrating, boys staring, some R’n’B tune playing. Bit of a wait at the bar, and the drinks weren’t too cheap either. I guess this is the price you pay for doing ooops upside your head with the C-Lebs.

‘Is that. Thingy from Big Brother 8?’ I pointed someone out to Jonny.


‘Or is it that other one, from Big Brother 9?’

‘No idea, Chlo. Shall we sit down?

We went to go for a table, but were instructed by a cross eyed staff member that we couldn’t sit there unless we had pre-booked and paid.

Shame really as that meant we had to stand. Or dance.

‘Shall we dance?’ I asked Jonny.

‘I don’t like R’n’B. Do you think they might play some Bulgarian flute music?’

‘Not sure. I think it’s an R’n’B night.’

‘Oh. Well. Maybe P Ha might come in with his entourage’


There was another private area, cordoned off to us Royal Spotters. The group in there seemed to be having a good time, drinking from bottles of vodka and flirting with the waitress.

More people were entering the club, it was getting hotter. Time for another drink. After this Jonny loosened up a little. He’s good at just getting on with it, even if that means doing his special ironic dance.

We got chatting to a group in the corner. Friendly enough. They said Funky Buddha was one of their favourite places. A good crowd, friendly staff and reliable DJ’s – if you like it funky and R’n’B.

Think we stayed till about two. There didn’t seemed to be a notable influx of the post pub lashed up crowd, which was good. The bouncers must be good at their job.

And then it was time to go. We didn’t have to wait long for a cab. There are always lots cruising through Mayfair and off Jonny and I went to our respective beds. So, Funky Buddha did it for me, I’d say. Great décor, good crowd. I would take my hat off to it. But as I said, I don’t like hats. Maybe next time I will tell you why.

The true identities of Jonny and Chloe must remain hidden, but some who have seen them on a night out suggest both have a striking resemblance to stand up comic Steve ‘Straw’ Hulmes

Guest Expressed: “5 Funny Car Dealer Stories”

Today Samantha Wood tells us why car dealers have it so damn hard! Enter Samantha:

When you are buying a new or used car, undoubtedly there are lots of questions you will want to ask the dealer. Depending on how much you know about cars, some of your queries may be fairly basic or they could be so complicated they have the salesman scratching their head.

However, the chances are that whatever you have to say won’t be as crazy, funny or just plain daft as some of the things that dealers have experienced over the years. Here’s a selection of some of the best car dealer tales which have been taken straight from the horse’s mouth!

1) Don’t take things for granted

A customer is looking to get a good price on his old car which is going to be traded in as a part-exchange. To make sure it runs smoothly, the dealer asks for the keys to take it out for a quick spin. The elderly owner hands them over, and is at pains to point out that they expect a good price as the car has a ‘brand-new set of brakes’.

On returning from the test drive, the dealer is looking rather white; apparently the car failed to stop at a set of traffic lights and he was forced to crawl back with absolutely no brakes. When questioned about the apparent discrepancy, the owner didn’t bat an eyelid, just simply pointed to the brand new box of brakes sitting in the back seat, insisting that it does have new brakes, but crucially adding ‘I just haven’t had time to get them fitted…’.

2) Be clear about requirements

A customer is buying a car on finance and is asked to supply proof of income plus five references in order to secure the deal. The individual goes away with the vehicle reserved, and is due to collect it the following day at 5pm subject to the information being supplied.

By 7pm, the customer still hasn’t arrived and the dealer is beginning to wonder whether the sale is a goner, when suddenly the door bursts open. The customer rushes in, full of apologies ad explains that he is late because he had trouble rounding up all of his references – and then couldn’t fit them all in his car. Yes that’s right; he had assumed that he needed to bring the references in person to the dealership rather than just a written statement. The sale eventually went ahead.

3) Make sure the customer knows where everything is

A secondary school teacher approached a Honda car dealer looking for a larger vehicle which would allow him to comfortably carry all of the class supplies, and eventually ended up purchasing a Honda CR-V, an SUV model.

Unfortunately, after just a couple of days, the formerly delighted customer telephoned the dealership, apoplectic with rage because he had suffered a punctured tyre and there had been no spare tyre in the boot.

The dealer apologised profusely and offered to send out emergency services to get the vehicle home, upon which the customer informed him there was no need. He went on to rather angrily inform the dealer than after discovering there was no tyre in the boot he had been forced to use the one hanging on the back of the SUV instead…

4) Tittle tattle

A disgruntled buyer turned up at a car dealership to take a look at a pricey SUV his wife had chosen and taken for a test drive.

The vehicle was fitted with the On-Star technology supplied by General Motors on all of the higher end vehicles. This piece of equipment offers a range of functions from calling emergency services to unlocking the car remotely.

On sitting inside the vehicle, the husband starts randomly pressing the On-Star buttons, asking for a demo of how it works, all the time complaining bitterly about his wife’s lack of comprehension of the value of money. He eventually gets out and takes a cheaper SUV for a test drive. The next day the wife comes back alone to test drive both vehicles.

Whilst out, she happens to start fiddling with the On-Star buttons and what does she hear? A recording of the entire conversation from the previous day…including the vitriol spouted by her husband about her apparent financial complacency. Amongst its functions, On-Star has a microphone and recording facility which had been inadvertently activated the previous day.

The husband very shortly returned to the dealer and paid for the more expensive car without a murmur.

5) Never question the customer’s logic

The final story here revolves around the trend for putting miniature spare tyres onto modern cars, often known as ‘space savers’. Unlike regular tyres, these are only suitable for emergency use and have a capped maximum speed.

Not everyone likes the idea of only having a short-term emergency use tyre in their boot, and this particular customer was the same. After agreeing the terms of his new purchase at the car dealership, he had one extra request: get rid of the space-saver and arrange for a full-size tyre to be provided.

The car salesman was dubious and warned the customer that the spare tyre well may not be large enough, but the man was insistent. Not wanting to lose a customer, the salesman agreed on the proviso that the dealership would not be responsible for fitting the tyre into the car. The customer is very happy with the arrangement.

As he is leaving the dealership, the salesman asks – just out of interest – how he is going to get the tyre into the car. The customer informs the salesman blithely that he will simply let the air out of the tyre and squash it into the space….thereby rendering the spare tyre useless if one of the four on the car gets a puncture!!

So next time you wander down to your local Vauxhall dealer for a look around, bear the above true tales in mind and have some sympathy for the salesman – who know what weird and wonderful encounters he may have already experienced so far that day!

An article by Samantha Wood who has many a story to tell herself and loves a humorous tale!