Man Sitting On A Chair Computer Table

WTF Report: “Haweeeeeee Chair”

You already know my thoughts on infomercials in general.

Now I’m about to share some thoughts on a specific one.

You know how sometimes you’re at work and you think to yourself, “Man, my chair is way too stable. If only I could make it wobble nonstop while I attempt to get stuff done. That’d be great!”

No? Me neither. But you know who does? These guys:

(Yes, I realise I’m very late to this party. Ellen DeGeneres did a funny segment on this very chair, years ago. But better late than stuck on a Hawaii chair with a bowl of popcorn and a strawberry milkshake, as I always say.)

Listen, I get it, you have products to sell. Most infomercials require a suspension of disbelief. But you could at the very least have avoided forcing those “real circumstances” videos on us. Your own host, Erin Lee, struggles to finish her sentences, so out of breath she is. “Very. Busy. Work. Environment. Must. Not. Throw. Up.”

I also love the opening jingle (delivered by the apathetic voice of a man who has given up on looking for proper singing gigs, and on life in general):

“Take the work out of your workout. Hawaii chair.” You take “work” out of “workout,” and you get “out.” That makes zero goddamn sense.

Notably, this chair also takes “work” out of your work, because good luck getting anything done at all while strapped to that psychotic contraption. I’m already clumsy, I don’t need the help of the Hawaii chair to drop assorted folders and paperclips all over the floor.

In the words of Erin herself: “You can hardly call this work.” You said it, Erin, you said it.

It’s no accident that I picked “Hawaii chair” for today’s WTF Report, by the way. In a few days we’re finally going on our belated honeymoon to [RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT] Hawaii. Kauai and Maui, to be precise.

This means radio silence on the blog until late January. I may post some links to upcoming Cracked and Listverse articles, as they get published. Or hilarious pictures of me being devoured by sharks. Either way, you’ll be entertained.

And now, I’m off to practice my Hawaiian Pidgin:

Aloha, everyone!