Migrants: Hand holding Euro bills

Warning, Europe! Here’s a simple trick migrants use to take your tax money!

Fellow Europeans and Europeanettes! The media wants us to believe that millions of people fleeing a war-torn country are actually refugees. But you and I both know who they really are: economic migrants. There’s a sneaky little trick these migrants use to take your precious tax money. You’ll be shocked to find out just how easy it is:

The simple trick migrants use to take your tax money

It all starts in their home country of Syriastan or Muslimgrad or whatever.

Here, the migrants get their hands on what is known as The Big Book of Economic Handouts. This book lists every European country where an economic migrant can expect to get those sweet, sweet benefits. It even includes a map and detailed directions on how to get there!

Once they’ve picked their preferred destination, they wait. Sometimes for years. Remember, this is a long con.

Then, when fortune smiles upon them and their country is conveniently engulfed in a devastating conflict, they…still wait. Again, this is a long con. They have to play their cards right.

A few years later, when the conflict has claimed hundreds of thousands of lives and made staying there impossible for most, that’s when these economic migrants make their big move!

Disguised as refugees, the migrants sneak into Europe aboard rickety boats. Many of them risk death by doing so, but that’s all part of their cold, cynical calculations. It all comes down to this straightforward cost-benefit analysis:

Chance of Death X Smuggling Costs < Chance of Handout X Value of Handout

Looking at that calculation, it all makes perfect sense. Who wouldn’t risk their own lives in order to get some free money?!

Once they’re in Europe, migrants proceed to their chosen destination. They’ll use any opportunity to “window shop” for a place that gives them the best conditions. It has nothing to do with a country’s immigrant-hostile policies and everything to do with what migrants think they can get out of it.

They’ll live in hastily constructed, crowded holding pens then walk hundreds of kilometers across borders, but that’s exactly where they want you—feeling sorry for them. Don’t fall for their clever ruse. Be vigilant, Europe, because then comes the grand finale of their master plan.

When the migrants arrive to their handout land—let’s say Germany, because of course it’s Germany—they apply for asylum. They only have to wait around 6 months (sometimes even 4!) to get an answer. While waiting, they get to live in luxury asylum centers where they have things like running water and even beds!

Once their application has been processed and approved, the easy life begins. We know for a fact that they have no motivation to work, so they’ll be getting free unemployment benefits. In Germany, they can get handouts to the tune of €399 euro per month. This amounts to the basic minimum cost of living, but by using clever ploys like not eating as much, these economic migrants can save up to a whopping €20 every single month. This means that, after only eight years, they get to break even on the €2,000 they’ve paid the boat smugglers – by doing nothing at all! From there on, it’s smooth sailing.

Do you see how easy this is? This shameless scam is almost genius in its simplicity.

I think that we can all quickly agree that this kind of free money more than makes up for the migrants losing their homes, abandoning their countries and their past lives, and making a perilous journey across the continent. This simple trick pays off in a big way!

Don’t be duped, Europe! And stop calling these migrants “refugees.”

If you’re in Denmark, here’s a bunch of stuff you can do to help refugees. If you’re not in Denmark, you can help as well.

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Dubai skyline at night

What about those Muslims, Daniel?

Here’s a popular question I’ve received from people who got angry about my refugee post:

“Why don’t you complain about all those Muslim/Arab countries that have taken in ZERO refugees, Daniel? Why are they not helping?!”

Short answer:

I live in Denmark, not in any of the countries you’ve mentioned. I can try to make an impact here, but I can do far less to influence the policies of other countries.

Longer answer:

When you point out that “Muslim” countries are not helping, you’re showing your own bias and perhaps deliberate lack of insight.

  • Turkey, a predominantly Muslim country, is the top destination for displaced people, with 1.9 million Syrian refugees.
  • Lebanon, member of the Arab League with a Muslim majority, has 1.2 million Syrian refugees. That’s around one quarter of the country’s total population – by far the highest per capita refugee percentage.
  • Jordan, a Muslim country and member of the Arab League, hosts over 650,000 refugees.
  • Iraq, a Muslim country and member of the Arab League, has around 250,000 Syrian refugees.
  • Egypt, a predominantly Muslim country and member of the Arab League, is hosting almost 150,000 refugees.

So using the umbrella term “Muslim” or “Arab” says less about Muslims and more about the person using the terms.

Now, indeed, a number of rich Gulf countries have not offered any resettlement places for Syrian refugees. These countries include Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, and Kuwait. (Although Saudi Arabia is challenging these numbers due to differences in how “refugees” are defined)

Why that is the case is a rather complex topic, one that I will not presume to know nearly enough about. It may have something to do with their generally strict refugee policies (as this article points out), political and social factors, etc.

But here’s the thing: What other countries do or fail to do is irrelevant for how we as a wealthy Western nation respond to the crisis. Pointing fingers at someone who’s behaving even worse than you is a deflection tactic a five-year-old might use.

If you think Denmark has reached the limit of what it can possibly do to help others, that’s fine. Say that, and stop pointing out how horrible other countries are. This isn’t a competition. We’re talking about real human beings here.

Hope that helped to clarify my thoughts on the subject.

Sources (Clickable):
Amnesty International
Syrian Refugees
UNHCR

If you’re in Denmark, here’s a bunch of stuff you can do to help refugees. If you’re not in Denmark, you can help as well.

People holding hands

Denmark, we need to talk…

Hey, Denmark.

Got a minute? Good. Uh, have a seat. I’d like to have a quick chat.

Look, you and I both know that we have a bit of a migrant problem. And by “migrant problem” I mean “thousands of desperate refugees escaping a bloody, five-year civil war that has likely claimed more than 300,000 lives.” But hey, you say “tomato,” I say “soul-crushing tragedy.” Semantics, right?

But I’m afraid you’re starting to have a bit of an image problem, too. You see, while some EU countries welcome the refugees, you are—how do I put this—acting like a bit of a dick.

Wait. Don’t get upset. I’m not saying you are a dick.

I’m just saying that when European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker suggests introducing quotas to accommodate the refugees and you respond by saying that quotas are not “something you care for” and insist that you have an opt-out of EU’s refugee policies, you look like a bit of a dick. When exhausted refugees get to your borders and you turn them around, you look like a bit of a dick. When you straight up block all highways and rail traffic from Germany to stem the passage of refugees to Sweden, you look like a bit of a dick.

When you take out ad space in Lebanese newspapers to tell potential refugees about your strict asylum policies in order to discourage them from ever coming to the country and holy crap, I can’t believe you actually did that! Jesus Christ, Denmark. Fuck! What are you even d–

I’m sorry, I lost my temper. My apologies. But do you see how that makes you look like a dick?!

So what I’m saying is: Maybe turn that down a notch?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally get it. We can’t possibly find physical space for all those refugee hordes here. I can barely find an extra seat on the train to put my feet up on the way to work. Now I suddenly have to share that space with an actual person?! Not on my watch!

Plus those refugees are from mystical, foreign lands, and if we know anything at all about foreigners it’s that they are automatically inferior to us and are totally incapable of ever grasping our progressive concepts like democracy, capitalism, and paranoid xenophobia. They have their own savage goals like “finding a place to sleep,” “having a roof over their heads,” and “not dying.” We’ll never see eye to eye.

And don’t even get me started on how much money we’d have to spend on all those refugees. Sure, Denmark, you may be among the richest countries in the world, but you’re not the richest, right? Why should you take responsibility?!

I can already hear some silly hippies with their silly words: “We have more money than we need. We can all help. You don’t need a second car or a new TV.” But if I can’t buy a TV for my bathroom, then how am I supposed to watch those adorable cat videos while sitting on the toilet? By using my smartphone? Honestly, have you seen how tiny a smartphone screen is? It’s minuscule! I can barely tell whether I’m looking at cats or some furry blobs making meowing noises. Nobody should be made to suffer that kind of injustice.

So yeah, it’s clear that you can’t do much to help those refugees. I’m not suggesting you start acting all compassionate or human or something. But maybe you can at least pretend? Maybe take in a few thousand more refugees, if only to make those smug Swedes look less high and mighty with their generous refugee policies? Maybe don’t actively punish your own citizens for helping drive refugees across a bridge? Maybe save money on printing ads in foreign newspapers and use that money for sensitivity training instead?

It’s like this. You can keep acting the way you do and be this Hungarian camerawoman:

Or you can clean up your image a bit by being more like these Germans:

I know it’s tough, but I’m sure you have it in you. Can you try and make an effort? For me? Thanks!

I’m glad we had this talk. Now go out there and make me proud!

And hey—Denmark—don’t act like such a dick anymore, okay?

If you’re in Denmark, here’s a bunch of stuff you can do to help refugees. If you’re not in Denmark, you can help as well.