Search Term Roulette: Christmas Edition

Yes, it’s that time of the year again.

Time to dig up the weird search terms used by people to (against all odds) find my blog.

Time to share these wonderful pieces of search debris with you and make fun of their dubious nature.

Let’s go:

1. What actually happens in Tetris?

What happens in Tetris, stays in Tetris…but I’m guessing it’s something very very naughty.

2. Incoming grenade


3. If a guy wears glasses is he likely to get some sexy females

Absolutely! You have to make sure that they’re Versace glasses though. And that “sexy females” know that they’re Versace glasses. You may also want to invest in a good Armani suit. And a Ferrari. Actually yeah, just get a Ferrari, drop the glasses.

4. “Do you? Don’t you?”

Well…sometimes I do. What, are you my mother, or something?!

5. Did you ever having this problem infomercial

“Did you ever having this problem?! Then our patented Grammar Bot 2.0 is for YOU! Grammar Bot – helps you not sound like an illiterate idiot. Buy now for only $99,99!”

6. A girl responds haha clever to a naughty text

Exactly the reaction you want from a naughty text – someone laughing at you. Thanks for bringing up bad high school memories, asshole!

7. I sent my husband a sexy text he hated it

At least he wasn’t laughing at you!

8. What’s the most you can spend on hairspray?

The maximum amount you can spend on hairspray is widely believed to be 164 dollars and 82 cents. Recently some prominent scholars have challenged this theory, but they are yet to come up with convincing empirical evidence.

9. Is hairspray good for mosquito?

Mosquitoes usually prefer hair gel or hair wax, but hairspray can be used as an emergency alternative. They’re not too picky.


You’re in exactly the right place, buddy. What can I do for you today?

11. Is life cereal dangerous

Did you perhaps mean “live” cereal? In which case: YES! Any cereal that has become self aware will try to exact revenge on all humans for murdering its kind.

12. Can I use a lighter and dry shampoo to make a flamethrower

Wow. Jesus. Dude. With your brand of crazy I’m sure you can make a flamethrower out of a box of matches and the taxidermied corpses of your hapless victims.

13. Let’s have some fun tonight wink face

But I don’t even know you confused smiley.

14. Phrases. 3 people found in to the trash can.

Miranda rights. You have the right to remain silent.

15. In my defense, it was just damn too catchy

True! I also blame Gangnam Style for all of my crimes.

16. Old Asian man licks

The envelope, closes it.

His last haiku – done.

 17. Why do I hear drill from neighbour?

Two possibilities:

1) Your neighbour is currently using a drill and you’re not deaf.

2) Lucifer’s whispers are becoming too loud to ignore. He wants you to do it. Today. RIGHT NOW!

18. Correspondence is one of my girlfriends

Commuting is one of mine. You and I should hang out.

19. Awesome map of Europe?

I know, right?! I’m tired of boring old Latvia, frigid Finland and stale Italy. Why can’t the map of Europe be more awesome?!

20. Perfect text to send man guarantee response

“There’s a Devil in the kitchen and I’m about to boil our dog”. Response guaranteed!

21. New inventin for selve difence

Nife blaid with ottomatic mashin gum!

And here goes, Part 5, or “Spring 2013 edition”.


If you’re interested in any more of this nonsense, check out Part I, Part II and Part III