Stuff our canteen writes: Chapter Four

Tonight my girlfriend’s family is coming over from Czech Republic to stay with us for a few days. This means our apartment will be filled with laughter, joy and unpredictable shenanigans with embarrassing yet hilarious consequences. Being embarrassing yet hilarious is kind of what I do, even if the “embarrassing” part is the only one I can pull off consistently.

This also means that I probably won’t be around to write up embarrassing yet hilarious posts for you.

Speaking of embarrassing yet hilarious things – today our canteen delivered another one of their famous signs for our enjoyment:

Today’s meal is brought to you by Abbot Suger

Don’t judge! Mustard Tart is apparently a thing that totally exists, so who can blame our canteen for deciding to abbreviate its naming? And then serving plain mustard instead…?

Also, it may appear to the uninitiated that a space is missing after “sauerkraut”. Little did you know, but it’s how Latin speakers used to refer to the dish. A typical lunchtime conversation in ancient Rome went something like:

“Lorem ipsum, I say! How does a bit of sauerkrautsum sound?”

“Delicious! But we must try the mer version. Ceteris paribus, et cetera!”

“Great, how about we stop talking gibberish and go eat then?”

On that confusing note I’d like to bid you all farewell for a few days and wish you an awesome weekend! May it be both hilarious and embarrassing.

Jedi mind tricks

You’ve probably figured, based on my recent posts, that I have found a new hobby – making fun of signs at work.

Yes, it’s a very strange and specific type of hobby. No, I’m not going to stop! Yes, I have some serious issues. Are we done with this untimely interrogation? Can I move on? Great!

So today I was in a meeting room that had two doors. I noticed that one of the doors had the following sign on it:

If the sign says so, it must be true!

I tried really hard to believe the words, but my eyes refused to make the door vanish. What a weird sign! Couldn’t they just write “Don’t use this door”? Or was this a naive attempt at employee mind control?

But then I got closer to the sign and realised there was more to it, namely:

Worst. Portal. Ever.

Turns out I’m not the only joker at work. Well played, anonymous rival, well played!

Thanks for showering!

OK, so our canteen is not the only source of unintentional comedy at work. We also have a fitness room, where we can do all sorts of fitnessy stuff.

Next to the fitness room are showers. There’s a sign that helps you identify them as such, except it’s been made by a person who’s never seen a shower before.

Here, see if you can spot the error:

Timmy stood there patiently for hours, hoping that the shampoo would eventually stop dissolving his eyes

If that was a real shower it’d be either the most elaborate prank ever pulled or the pinnacle of insane engineering.

Stuff our canteen writes

A while back I’ve mocked our work canteen for a dubious and pointless sign they’d put up to describe a dish. It turns out that unintentionally funny signs are their forte.

I’m hereby starting what promises to be a recurring theme involving the stuff our canteen comes up with. Whenever I notice one of their odd signs I’ll take a picture and share it right here for your enjoyment.

Also, taking pictures of canteen signs is as close as I’ll ever get to my lifelong dream of becoming a paparazzi. Here are the latest two:

Most of the time our canteen deals with pretty ordinary types of chicken. However, every once in a while a true monster of a chicken has to be wrestled by the whole of canteen staff. That’s when we get a sign like this:

Godzilla's got nothing on those poultry beasts!

Also, sometimes the canteen manages to set my expectations way too high:

Soup with pies?! That's genius!

Imagine my disappointment when all I get in the end is some basic pea soup instead. Way to get my hopes up, canteen! I can only wish that they were talking about a legitimate pie floater.