Trump holding two babies

James Comey bombshell: “Trump may be devouring infants.”

Dear Messrs Chairmen,

In my previous congressional testimony, I have not mentioned Donald Trump in any capacity. Due to recent developments, I am writing to supplement my previous testimony.

In connection with an unrelated case, the FBI has learned of the existence of two words that may be pertinent to describing Donald Trump. That case: a casual perusal of the English Thesaurus. The words: “infanticide” and “cannibalism.”

Continue reading

Donald Trump at RNC in July 2016

So you’re still voting for Trump. Why the bleeping bleep?!

It’s mid-October. Less than a month to go until America elects a new president. Are you planning to vote for Trump? Cool, cool…

Hey, quick question: What the actual Muslim-banning fuck?! How in the name of molesting Tic Tac can this be true?!

Listen, I understand. You dislike Clinton. You really, really, really dislike Clinton. Crooked Hillary. Benghazi. Emails. “Hillary For Prison.” Loud noises. Okay!

I’m not here to defend Clinton. She does happen to have the next-worst favorability rating of all presidential nominees in history, second only to Trump himself.

But again: Why are you still voting for Trump?

Continue reading