Guest Expressed: “3 Board Games to Help You Determine Which One of Your Friends is an Idiot”

You already know that the zombie apocalypse is a topic this blog takes very seriously. What you didn’t know is that a few seemingly simple board games can help you do some major research in anticipation of the inevitable zombie infestation. Today’s guest Lia, however, can teach us a few valuable lessons in this regard. Enter Lia:

Sometimes your friends can seem like great people.

Generous, kind, helpful and overall just nice.

Then you think to yourself “Damn, what if there was some sort of zombie apocalypse and I need to fend for my life and survive with just a handful of people, would they help me out? Or would they screw me over?”

Image by Hectorir

These are some deep and important questions to ask, you don’t want to be the soft one getting eaten but you also don’t want to be the person who fights and survives, only to be betrayed by your best friend.

But how to figure this out?

Easy, play games with them!

Not mind games, obviously.

I’m talking about simple board games, family games, played by civilised people, sitting around on your nice oak dining room furniture and having wholesome fun.

Everyone knows, some games bring the worst out in people and here I have listed the top 3 board or social games that will forever crystallise who you could trust and who might be the first one to be ditched should the fury of the zombie army reign upon us.

Number 1 – Trivial Pursuit

This game was supposed to be for the intellectual ones, those who want to win based on their broad knowledge about everything. Not only would you display your intellectual superiority but you would, if you were less endowed in the cranium department, definitely learn something.

But when it comes down to it, especially when you play in teams, anguish, wrath and smartarsery will come to the surface. Suddenly, it isn’t about the game anymore, it is about dignity, honour and the perks of fitting those tiny cheese slices into the triangles.

Here you will see people go through rage, god complexes and pettiness. Definitely not someone you want on your zombie fighting team, they would just question everything and make snarky remarks until someone loses it.

Number 2 – Uno

Now this game, as fun as it is, brings out the sadist in most people.

There is nothing better than laying down a +2 card and trumping it with more +2 cards until it goes round in circle and the first person to lay it down ends up with half the deck.

Not only is it fun to win, but it is actually much more enjoyable to see others fail, and this applies to a lot of things in life unfortunately.

You suddenly become the queen of the game, holding the +4 card in your hand, you tremble slightly when you lay it down, and you can say the magical word… “Uno”

Then when all goes well, you can lay the last card down, the prospect of winning awakes euphoria, saliva is collecting in the corners of your mouth and you feel giddy.

If you see people taking way too much relish from making others lose, you can be sure that in any given situation, especially in an apocalypse, they will switch sides, hunt you down and do the torture.

Definitely the first one to be ditched when the zombies creep closer.

Number 3 -Monopoly

Image by: HarshLight

Ahhh… Monopoly, the root and solution to all of human kind’s troubles.

This game almost never ends happily.

This game is the source of a lot of grief in families, including upturned tables, crying babies and door slamming.

Everyone likes to be successful and everyone has a capitalist streak to them. Suddenly it’s not even about winning, or losing, or seeing others fail. It is purely about destroying everything the other players have built, no mercy, no bonus, straight to prison.

This is when it gets serious. It’s a matter of life and death. Monopoly could be said to be the board game version of all evil in human nature.

The Monopoly board is almost like a mirror which reflects and shows you clearly that you, yes you, are part of the problem in which case, screw them all, let’s just get the hell out when you hear slow shuffling and unearthly groaning, every man to himself I say! Thank you for holding up the ugly truth mirror Rich Uncle Pennybags!

Lia Schopmeyer is a twisted blogger for Oak Furniture Superstore, an online furniture retailer selling oak dining room furniture which includes modern dining tables and chairs as well as living and bedroom furnishings.

Guest Expressed: “Top 5 Ways to Kill a Zombie”

Today Sean introduces us to some gruesome, yet useful tips for becoming a pro at zombie killing during the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Enter Sean:

The undead have a natural knack for not staying dead. So how do you kill a zombie? Are they every truly “killed”? In most movies and Sci-Fi horror films, zombies do seem to be able to be killed or at least stopped. I would liken it to giving them a final resting place. But whatever you believe there are only a few ways to put down a zombie. Here are the top 5 ways to make sure the dead stay dead

1. Decapitation

This is a favorite among the zombie elite kill squad. Simply drop the zombie in their tracks by shear removal of its head. But beware sometime, just like a chicken; it can still continue running around or in this case biting. Some suitable choice weapons for this are a sword, chainsaw and sometimes a hard bat swing can get the heads rolling!

2. Bashing the Head In

Now this is a bit gruesome, but just as effective as decapitation. The key here is to ensure you don’t get too close while performing this action. Such tools like a baseball bat or those golf clubs you have in your closet would be useful here.

3. Grind Them Up

This is somewhat difficult to do, but this can effectively put a zombie at rest. Some excellent places to do this are meat factories or other places with heavy machinery. The basic idea is to get a zombie into one of the machines there and grind them up till they stop moving. This can be hard to do since you need both heavy machinery and its power source working, which may be a problem if the electric grid is down. If you’re going into a building where the power is out, don’t forget to bring some personalized flashlights you don’t want to get caught in the dark with those brain suckers.

4. Melt Them Away

Dump a zombie in a pit of acid and watch them melt. You could also light them on fire which would be a similar effect or dump them into boiling water. Just make sure with the water that it’s hot enough to melt them and not just give them some nasty boils. If you can find a steel mill, look for some molten hot metal that can be poured onto the zombie or push them into the hot metal pit.

5. Blow the Head Away

It’s a well known fact that if you remove a zombie’s head it will stop. Well at least it’s a good theory – without the head you at least won’t get bit. So grab a shot gun for this one and blow their head off. It’s a sure way to stop them in their tracks and easy enough to do from a distance without the risk of being bit. But make sure to bring some towels as this one can get messy. Stop by a hotel and pick up some of their custom printed towels and have them handy.

Some these methods may seem repulsive, but hey do you want to get bit or keep living to see tomorrow. Just keep these in mind the next time we have a zombie apocalypse. Also, make sure to share these tips with a friend – it could save both of your lives!